_______

_______ _
|__ __| | May 15, 2001
| | | |__ ___ Tuesday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
.-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____
( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
| |
| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
| | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N
.' \
( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies.
'--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated
jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny.
Did you know that each week more than 50 cartoons or funny pictures
are published in The Funny Bone? If you're not receiving Daily Fun
and Dirty Fun, then you're missing a lot of the fun!
_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

Dr. Suess's Lost Tongue Twisters _.---,_
.' `'.
\ __..-'\
}-"` \
This is this cat /__,,..---.._|
\ |
This is is cat |---..__ |
/ ``"-./
This is how cat .'---...__ |
.' ``"-./
This is to cat ,--./...,,,__ /
'--.'__ __```.-. /._
This is keep cat / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._)
| .-. .-. "\\ /
This is a cat || O| | O| ""=='_\
.-' '-'o '-' ""=\`
This is fool cat `''--/- ""=-,\--._
.---|- ( ""=-. \`
This is busy cat \ /`)"=."=|'-.
'. _.-' ' "=|\|
This is for cat (`----` '="=|/
`-. "=/`
This is forty cat '. =/
\ =|
This is seconds cat .-. |` "=|
( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\
\ ~. |'"="| _.-~ )
; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ /
Now read the THIRD word, / _-( /-.__ (
in each line, from the '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ;
start. jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~
/=" / | "==\
/ = (_ \ "==\
;="= `\_) =="\
_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

You're Not Sure Of:

/:""| THE DOCTOR: because he says,
|:`66|_ "Take off your clothes"
C` _)
\ ._| THE DENTIST: because he says, "Open wide"
) /
/`\\ THE HAIRDRESSER: because he says,
|| |Y| "Do you want it teased or blown"
|| |#|
|| |#| THE MILKMAN: because he says,
|| |#| "Do you want it in the front or the back"
:| |=:
||_|,| THE INTERIOR DECORATOR: because he says,
\)))|| "Once it's in, you'll love it."
|~~~`-`~~~|
| | THE SHARE BROKER: because he says,
|_________| "It will rise right up, fluctuate for a
|_________| while and then slowly fall back again"
| ||
|_||__ THE BANKER: because he says,
jgs (____)) "If you take it out too soon, you'll
lose interest"

THE HUNTER: because he "Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and
always eats what he shoots"

THE BELL TELEPHONE GUY: because he says, "Would you like it on
the table or against the wall?"
_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

Engineering Problems

Once in a heavily crowded bus three guys were seated, while three
girls besides them were standing. By understanding their problems,
the guys offered the girls to sit on .-"""""""-.
each of their laps. [Yes, you can trust us] / _____/\_ \
Without hesitation the girls agreed and / /`__ __ \ \
each of the girl sits on a guy's lap. |/ (a) (a) \|
(_ (___) _)
After some time the first girl asks \ \_____/ /
the first guy if he was a Mechanical `-._ _.-'
Engineer. __.-)_(-,__

He replies with wonder "Yes..! How did You Know ?"

She answers, "Your piston is starting to hit my cylinders"

.-"""""-. After quite some movement, the second
/ _____/\_\ girl asks the second guy, "Are you an
//`__ __ \\ Electrical Engineer?"
// (e) (e) \\
(_ (_) _) Astonished, the guy asks "What makes
\ ,___ / you ask this question?"
`-._ _.-'
__.-)_(-,__ She says "hmmm.... I am receiving
shock waves from your laser gun"

Then finally the third girl asks the other guy a question with
an embarrassing voice, "Hello.. you are a great Civil
Engineer, aren't you?"
.-""``"""-.
To which he exclaims with wonder, / _______ \
"Certainly.. how did you know?" / /`__ __`\ \
\/ (o) (o) \/
She replied, "it's no secret -- your (_ (___) _)
dam is broken and its flooded my village" \ \_ _/ /
`-._'-'_.-'
__.-)_(-,__

_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

The Wedding

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be
gentle; I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been
married ten times?"

/:""| .****, "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative;
|:`66|_ @@@@@\ `, he kept telling me how great it was going to
C` _)aa`@@@\ \ be.
\ ._| (_ ?@@| \
)_/ =' @@@@| | Husband #2 was in Software Services; he
/`\8\ \(```/ | was never really sure how it was
|| |8| /^^\ | / supposed to function, but he said he'd
|| |8| /\::/|| | look into it and get back to me.
|| |8| \ | ||| \
|| |~| \| ||| \ Husband #3 was from Field Services; he
:| |=: |:|\\.:.:.::. said everything checked out diagnostic-
||_|,| |:| \ ':':':` ally but he just couldn't get the system
\)))|| ((( | up.
| :|| | |
| :|| | | Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even
) :|| | \ though he knew he had the order, he
| :|| | `\ didn't know when he would be able to
| :|| |:.:. `~-._ deliver.
|_:||_ /~))\ `~~-._
jgs(_,__)) /_/YY `':':':':':':` Husband #5 was an Engineer; he
understood the basic process but
wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new
state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew
how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he
was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was...God, I
miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the lawyer, "but, why?"

"Duh; you're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | |
message to [email protected] | |
and your address will automatically be removed. _|66 |
(__, |
For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)|
http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ | |
,_/ |
ASCII Art by Joan Stark | |
http://www.ascii-art.com/ | |
/ '.
Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , )
'-' '--'
ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark
please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm