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|__ __| | May 3, 2001
| | | |__ ___ Thursday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
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( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
| |
| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
| | F R I D A Y E D I T I O N
.' \
( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies.
'--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated
jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny.
Did you know that each week more than 50 cartoons or funny pictures
are published in The Funny Bone? If you're not receiving Daily Fun
and Dirty Fun, then you're missing a lot of the fun!
_ _
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(_.===============================================._)

A Math Problem

There's a box with a hole at each end and there's a rabbit in the
box. The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end, and a
minute later he sticks it out the other end. Half a minute later,
his head appears at the opposite end, a fourth of a minute later
it appears at the end opposite to that one, an eighth of a minute
later...etc., etc.

|\ /| How long will it take before the rabbit sticks its
\|_|/ head out of both ends of the box at the same time?
/. .\
=\_Y_/= Answer: In theory, two minutes. In practice,
{>o<} no answer is possible unless you split hares.

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My Doctor's Advice
,&::(@):,
Pauly was having some marital difficulties &:(@:(@)*(@)
and decided to talk about it with his shrink. (@)&:(@)*(@)@)
The shrink advised him to buy flowers and candy, (@):*(@):&:(@)
rush home to his wife, take her in his arms, *(@)::(@):*
remove her clothes, remove his clothes, '.\';.'
and make mad passionate love to her. _\|/_
'.`"`.'
The next week, Pauly returned to the shrink's ) (
office and the shrink asked him how his idea worked. / \
"Well, my wife didn't say anything, _______________/_ \
but her hand-painted china art /.-()()()()()()-,/| |
group really got a big kick // ()()()()()() // / /
out of it." //_()()()()()()_// / (
jgs |""""""""""""""""|/.___.'
'----------------'
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Secret Agent Murphy

.-"""""-. A secret agent was sent to Ireland to
\ / pick up some very sensitive information
|.-----.| from an agent called Murphy. His
__|_______|___ instructions were to walk around town
'--;-'```'-;--' using a code phrase until he met his
/ / 6_6 \ \ fellow agent.
( ( _) ) )
( ( .__. ) ) He found himself on a desolate country
( `._`-'_.' ) road and finally ran into a farmer.
/`'-._`"`_.-'`\
| /___```___\ | "Hello, said the agent, "I'm looking
\ |___|L|___| / for a man called Murphy."
\/ `"` \/
/..,_______,..\ "Well you're in luck," said the farmer,
/ /\ \ "as it happens, there's a village
| ,-' `-, | right over the hill, where there's a
\ `\ ,-'` / butcher called Murphy, the baker is
jgs __LI`--`\|`.__/ named Murphy, three widows are called
( /\ LI\ Murphy. In fact my name is Murphy."
`.___,-'` \ |
'.__/ "Aha," thought the agent, "here's my
man." So he whispered the secret code.
"The sun is shining...the grass is growing...the cows are ready
for milking."

"Oh," said the farmer, "you're looking for Murphy the spy - he's
in the village over the other direction."

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(_.===============================================._)

In The Garden Of Eden

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God. "Lord,
I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden
and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic
snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

<}\ "Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution.
.--\--. I shall create a man for you."
/ ` \
| | "What's a man, Lord?"
jgs \ /
'-'-' "This man will be a flawed creature, with many
bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vain-
glorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll
be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He
will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been
complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy
your physical needs. He will revel in childish things like
fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so
he'll also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great." says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow,
"What's the catch, Lord?"

"Well... you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?" <},
.-'\'-.
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and ;_,._.,_;
self-admiring... So you'll have to let him } ,'{
believe that I made him first. Just ;`'-'-'`;
remember, it's our little secret - jgs '--'--'
you know, woman to woman."

_ _
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(_.===============================================._)

_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
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/ '.
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