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|__ __| | May 1, 2001
| | | |__ ___ Tuesday
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.-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____
( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
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| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
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| | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N
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( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies.
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Scavenger Hunt
_._
A woman answered her front door and found two little _._ //\\\
boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained, ///\\ |. . )
"we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three ( . .| \_=_/
grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of \_-_/--' `\
used carbon paper to earn a dollar." /_) `\-| | \
/_| |_\| |_|
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on \\___// |---|/
such a challenging hunt?" | | | | |
| | | | | |
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend." |_|_| |_|_|
jgs (__/__)(__\__)

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Celebrity License Plates

__________ 1HIT1DER -- Ricky Martin
/`.---..----;\ NU CLEVGE -- Britney Spears
/ /____||_____\\__ 20K LAID -- Wilt Chamberlain
| "~ 7 `'. JAILBTCH -- Robert Downey, Jr.
(_ .--. ========.--. =| HAD MILK -- Pamela Anderson Lee
jgs `"( () )"""""""( () )"` OUTOFST8 -- Hillary Rodham Clinton
'--' '--' C MY BRA -- Brandi Chastain
IM STR8 -- Tom Cruise K8ODIDIT -- O.J. Simpson
PEN IS -- John Bobbitt VOAT4ME -- Dan Quayle

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The Old Preacher

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and
his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they
arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.
.---.
As they entered the room the preacher held /`___ /`\
out his hands and motioned for them to sit, \| _ _ |/
one on each side of his bed. The preacher ( '/' )
grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled \ - /
and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one ;---;
said anything. Both the doctor and lawyer were /'. _ .'\
touched and flattered that the preacher would .`-._|_|_.-`.
ask them to be with him during his final / \ / \
moments. jgs `|'
-|-
They were also puzzled; the preacher had never |
given them any indication that he particularly
liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncom-
fortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious
behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?
The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly,
"Jesus died between two thieves.. and that's how I want to go."
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Be Polite

There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named
Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female popula-
tion, and young George was pretty excited.

"Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked
George.

"George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're
lined up at the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies
in a nice orderly fashion." said Sam.

"Okay, I can do that." George answered.

,/ \, Well, feeding time came and all the
((__,-"""-,__)) heifers were lined up just like Sam
`--)~ ~(--` said and George was all excited to go
.-'( )`-, down there, but Sam had a few more
`~~`d\ /b`~~` instructions.
| |
jgs (6___6) "Now George, here is how this is gonna
`---` work. I'll start at one end and you can
start at the other. We'll meet in the
middle" said Sam.

"OK, OK, let's go!" said George.

"Hang on George!. One more important thing to remember. These
gals will let us have our way but you have to show some respect
and be polite. OK?" said Sam.

"Sure" says George.

Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts
at one end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but
he remember's Sam's instructions about being polite, so as he is
going along he makes sure to say "Thank you ma'am, thank you
ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am,
sorry Sam, thank you ma'am."

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_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
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