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|__ __| | April 26, 2001
| | | |__ ___ Thursday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
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( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
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| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
| | F R I D A Y E D I T I O N
.' \
( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies.
'--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated
jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny.
Did you know that each week more than 50 cartoons or funny pictures
are published in The Funny Bone? If you're not receiving Daily Fun
and Dirty Fun, then you're missing a lot of the fun!

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Waiting For The Bus

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC. This was her first time to
the city, so she wanted to see the Capitol Building. Unfortunately,
she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions.

"Excuse me, officer," the blonde said, "how do I get to the Capitol
Building?"

The officer said, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus.
It'll take you right there."

The blonde thanked the officer and he drove off.

.----------------. Three hours later the police
|_I_I_I_I_I_I_I_I]___ officer came back to the same
.::. | _ : ; _ ) area, and sure enough, the
jgs ':::'' ='-(_)----------=-(_)-' blonde was still waiting at
the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to
the Capitol Building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus.
That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde said, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The
45th bus just went by!"
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Definitions

, ,
Hormone: The sounds a prostitute makes so you will ///////|
think you are a real good lay. /////// |
/////// |
Seersucker: A person who blows clairvoyants. |~~~~~| |
|=====| |
Cotton Balls: The final stage of beer nuts. | D | |
| I | |
Trampoline: A sexual lubricant popular with sluts. | C | |
| T | |
Octopus: An eight-sided vagina. | I | |
| O | |
Douche: A female duke. | N | |
| A | |
Woodpecker: A 17th century prosthetic device. | R | |
jgs | Y | /
Cowhand: An occupational disability common among |=====| /
dairy farmers. '-----'`

Anticlimax: What my uncle made my auntie do during sex.

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The Painter

There was a world famous painter who, in the prime of her career,
started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life
as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.
After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight
was restored.
_....,_ _,...._ The painter was so grateful that
_.-` _,..,_'. .'_,..,_ `-._ she decided to show her grati-
_,-`/ o \ '. .' / o \`-,_ tude by repainting the doctor's
jgs '-.\___/.-` `-.\___/.-' office. Part of her work
included painting a gigantic eye
on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press
conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office.

During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the
wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon
seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the
wall?"

To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself... Thank
the Lord, I'm not a gynecologist."

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Reasons Why Owning A Plumbing Contracting Business
Is Similar to Running A Bordello...

Most "service work" by employees is done either while kneeling,
or while flat on their backs.

While on the job, most employees have their butt cracks, bare
midriff, and other parts of their anatomy exposed.

When a customer hires you, they know up front they're going to
pay through the nose.
___
Unless they've been through the process before, .' _ '.
your customer tends to be very nervous / /` `\ \
initially, then accepting and even enjoying | | [__]
what's taking place during, and in the end, | | {{
usually feel relaxed, and feel like that | | }}
they've gotten their money's worth. _ | | _ {{
___________<_>_| |_<_>}}________
If they don't feel they've gotten .=======^=(___)=^={{====.
their money's worth, the response / .----------------}}---. \
is universally the same: "I've / /| {{ |\ \
been screwed!!" / / | }} | \ \
jgs ( '=========================' )
The government, from local law '-----------------------------'
enforcement to EPA to Public Health
and everyone in between, is determined to drive you out of business
with nitpicking regulations and stupid laws which criminalize
innocent behavior.

Depending on the geographic location of your business, and the
nature and predisposition of local officials, on rare occasions
distasteful but necessary small bribes must be paid to grease the
wheels of expediency, in order to stay in business.

After a long, hard day's work, most employees take a long, very
hot, hard-scrubbing shower to remove the offal and residues off
their bodies that's been put there from doing their difficult
and smelly jobs all day long.

A lot of the "service work" done is paid for in cash, and some of
it is even declared as taxable income.

No matter how well you do your job, the public-at-large still looks
down their noses at you because of the stereotype of your occupa-
tion being a less-than-desirable one to make an honest living at,
never giving you the respect you deserve as a committed, dedicated
professional, even though most of them at some time during their
lifetime will make use of the services you provide.

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(_.===============================================._)

_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
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