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|__ __| | April 12, 2001
| | | |__ ___ Thursday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
.-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____
( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
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| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
| | F R I D A Y E D I T I O N
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A Big Mac And Fries |\ /| /|_/|
|\||-|\||-/|/|
It was moving day. The previous owners were going \\|\|//||///
to finish moving out that _..----.._ |\/\||//||||
morning, and we were going to .' o '. |||\\|/\\ ||
start moving in that afternoon. / o o \ | './\_/.' |
|o o o| | .:. .:. |
We showed up just as they were /'-.._o __.-'\ | : :: : |
finishing up, around lunchtime. \ ````` / | : '' : |
The couple was sitting down for |``--........--'`| '.______.'
a breather before they left, \ /
jgs `'----------'`

The wife suggested to her husband that they go to McDonald's
for lunch. She told us with guilty pleasure, "I know it's not
good for me, but I just love burgers and fries."

Her husband had a somewhat disgusted look on his face. He told
us, in all seriousness, "Not me. I'm a meat and potatoes man."
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Cruisin' The Boulevard

Two elderly men were out driving in a large car - both could barely
see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to
an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on
through.

The man in the passenger seat thought to himself, "I must be losing
it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
_
\`. After a few more minutes they came
_...--. |_'.__ to another intersection,
.-`___ _ '----' __```''--.,_ the light was red
.' .' _ '.`\ _.-"`` `-._.-._.-; again, and again
_/ | (_) | '.-' | (_) |__`\ they went right
jgs '""""'.___.'""""""""""""""""'.___.'---' through. This time
the man in the passenger
seat was *almost* sure that the light had been red, but was really
concerned that he was losing it. He was getting nervous, and
decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next
intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection,
sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right
through...

He turned to the other man and said, "Maury, did you know we just
ran through three red lights in a row?!! You could have killed us!"

Maury turned to him and said, "Oh SHIT, Lee, am **I** driving?"

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It Was A Delusion ___,
/`,""\
The new inmate at the mental hospital announced \| -|-
in a loud voice that he was the famous British (( '>'
naval hero, Lord Nelson. This was particularly | _|
interesting, because the institution already had a _|\__/
"Lord Nelson." _\/ - \/_
/` '---' `\
The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, | |
decided to put the two men in the same room, | \ / |
feeling that the similarity of their delusions | /------' |
might prompt an adjustment in each that would \ \________/\
help in curing them. It was a calculated risk, \ /
of course, for the two men might react violently ;-------;'
to one another, but they were introduced and then ; _ ;
left alone and no disturbance was heard from the | | |
room that night. ; | ;
\ | /
The next morning, the doctor had a talk with (_ | _)
his new patient and was more than pleasantly | | |
surprised when he was told "Doctor, I've been | | |
suffering from a delusion. I know now that I am |___|___|
not Lord Nelson." jgs / / \ \
\_/ \_/
"That's wonderful," said the doctor.

"Yes," said the patient, smiling demurely, "I'm Lady Nelson."
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Only In America ============;===========;()
# # # #::::::
Only in America......can a pizza get to your # # # #::::::
house faster than an ambulance. # # # #::::::
# # # #::::::
Only in America......are there handicap # # # # # # #
parking places in front of a skating rink. # # # # # # #
# # # # # # #
Only in America......do drugstores make the # # # # # # #
sick walk all the way to the back of the # # # # # # #
store to get their prescriptions while # # # # # # #
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries and a diet coke.

Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then
chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from
someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
__
) `"""";._/} Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in
| ' / packages of ten and buns in packages of
\ | eight.
jgs '--. .-.\
` ` Only in America......do we use the word
'politics' to describe the process so
well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and
'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with
Braille lettering.

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_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
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