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|__ __| | April 3, 2001
| | | |__ ___ Tuesday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
.-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____
( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
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| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
| | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N
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A Kitty's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
The king-size bed is soft and deep..
I sleep right in the center groove
My human cannot hardly move!
,
I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight \)\_
And here is where I pass the night / '. .---._
No one disturbs me or dares intrude =P ^ ` '.
Till morning comes and "I want food!" `--. / \
.-'( \ |
I sneak up slowly to begin (.-' )-..__> , ;
my nibbles on my human's chin. (_.--`` (__.-/ /
She wakes up quickly, jgs .-.__.-'.'
I have sharp teeth- And my claws I will unsheathe '-...-'

For the morning here
and it's time to play
always seem to get my way.
So thank you Lord for giving me
/\__
.--.----' - \ This human person that I see.
/ ) \___/ The one who hugs me and holds me tight
| '------.___) And sacrifices her bed at night!
jgs `---------`
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Bull Treatment .-=-. .-=-.
`) ) ( (`
A rancher needs a bull to service his .' / \ '.
cows but needs to borrow the money from ( ( _.-'`::`'-._ ) )
the bank. The banker who lent the \ `'` .::. `'` /
money comes by a week later to see how `-._\`~` `~`/_.-'
his investment is doing. The farmer _,=` / \ `=,_
complains that the bull just eats grass ( ,(^\ /^), )
and won't even look at the cows. The `~~` \0)\ /(0/ `~~`
banker suggests that a veterinarian have a | /` '\ |
look at the bull. | |
| |
The next week the banker returns to see if the | |
vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased "The / \
bull has serviced all my cows, broke through \() ()/
the fence, and has serviced all my neighbor's `._-==-_.'
cows." jgs `""`

"Wow," says the banker, "what did the vet do to that bull?"

"Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer.

"What kind of pills?" asked the banker.

"I don't know," says the farmer, "but they sort of taste like
peppermint."
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Communism At Its Best

In the United States during the depression. Two professional men
have been reduced to digging ditches as the only work they can find.
___
." ". 1st Man: "Y'know, those Communists seem
| .--\| to have some pretty good ideas."
).' -(
) _/ 2nd Man: "Like what?"
.'_`(
/ ( ,/; 1st Man: "If you have two houses,
/ \ ) \\. you give me one."
/'-./ \ '.\\)
\ \ '---;\ 2nd Man: "That sounds fair to me."
|`\ \ \\
/ / \ \ \\ 1st Man: "If you have two cars,
_/ / / / _\\/ you give me one."
( \/ /_/ \ |
jgs \_) (___) '._/ 2nd Man: "That sounds fair to me."

1st Man: "If you have two shirts, you give me one."

2nd Man: "Wait a minute. I ACTUALLY have two shirts!"
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A Report From the 2001 World Women's Liberation Conference

The first speaker, a lady from England stood up and said, "During
last years' conference we spoke about being more assertive with our
husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my
husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that
he would have to do it himself! After the first day, I saw nothing.
After the second day, I saw nothing. But on the third day, I saw
that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered.

The second speaker, a lady from Russia stood up and said, "After
last years' conference I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that
I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it
himself. After the first day, I saw nothing. After the second day,
I saw nothing. But on the third day, I saw that he had done not
only his own washing, but my washing as well." The crowd again
cheered.
.-"-. |
The third speaker, a Cajun lady from Thibodaux, / /\_ \ ( )
Louisiana, stood up and said, "Afta last years' / /')'\ \ / /
conference, I went rat home and tole dat lazy ( \ = / )/\/
Coonass husband'a mine, Boudreaux, dat I wadn't ) ) ( (/ \
gonna do no mo'a his cookin', cleanin' or (_.;`"`;._) |
shoppin' and dat he wuz gonna have to do it all / ( \|/ ) |
fer hissef." The crowd got to their feet and / /\-'^'-/\ |
roared approval. | \| )=@=( \_/
| /\/ \
When it became quiet, she continued, "And I | /\ \ ;
tole'em I wadn't gonna be doin' no mo \(//_/' |
cleanin' 'em nasty crawfeesh, giggin' no | |
mo boolfrogs and water dawgs, skinnin' none'a | / /
dem musrats and nutrias or check'n no mo | ___/\_\
catfeesh trotlines." The crowd went wild - |/ / \ \|
the cheering and clapping lasted for at / | | | | \
least five minutes. \_|/ \|_/
jgs / \`-'/ \
When it again became calm, she continued, `-' '-`
"Afta the fust day, I didn't saw nuttin'. Afta the second day,
I didn't saw nuttin' too. But afta the thud day, I could saw a
little bit outta my left eye."

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_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
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