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|__ __| | February 27, 2001
| | | |__ ___ Tuesday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
.-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____
( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
| |
| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
| | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N
.' \
( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies.
'--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated
jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny.
Did you know that each week more than 50 cartoons or funny pictures
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and Dirty Fun, then you're missing a lot of the fun!
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(_.===============================================._)

One Mean Dog
_
_ _ .'`.\
/ `,\--.-; / After getting robbed this guy decides to
| |` `-. go to the pet store and get a really
\_/ --. -; ferocious dog. The guy at the pet store
,#/ 'o/\o/) tells him, "I've got the perfect dog for
<)#| .-"(_)`\ you." So, he shows him a dog that's
,##/ , _|_/ just sitting there licking his butt.
<)| /V`"`/V|
##| / , / ,| He says to the employee, "This doesn't
`<)\ \_(\;_/)\ look like a very mean dog. Do you have
##'. '. `"" -) any others?"
jgs `<)'#<)#-.__.'-'
`"""` To which the employee responds, "This is
the meanest dog l have. He just got done eating a lawyer and he's
trying to get the taste out of his mouth."

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Would You Get My Sneakers Please?

A guy stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist
down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet
are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my sneakers please?"
_ _
The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he (_\__/(,_
sees his friend's daughters, both very good | \ `_////-._
looking. Being the adventurous and _ _ L_/__"=> __/`\
quick thinking kind, he says, (_\__/(,_ |=====;__/___./
"Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me | \ `_////-._'-'-'-""""""`
here to have sex with you!" J_/___"=> __/`\
jgs |=====;__/___./
They stare at him and say, "That '-'-'-"""""""`
can't be!"

He replies, "OK, let's check!" He shouts at his friend down the
stairs, "Both of them?"

"Yes, both of them!"

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(_.===============================================._)

Did We Land Yet?
|
--====|====-- An airline pilot wrote that
| on this particular flight
.-"""""-. he had hammered his ship
.'_________'. into the runway really hard.
/_/_|__|__|_\_\ The airline had a policy
;'-._ _.-'; which required the pilot
,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------, to
``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""`` stand
jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"` at the door
\\_// '._ _.' \\_// while the passen-
`"` ``---`` `"` gers exited, give
a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in
light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passen-
gers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment,
but no one seemed annoyed.

Finally everyone had gotten off except for one little old lady
walking with a cane. She approached and asked, conspiratorially,
"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"

"Why no Ma'am, what is it?"

"Did we land or were we shot down?"
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Never Disobey A Rabbi

Two rabbinical students were caught by the Rabbi gambling and
drinking in the company of undesirable characters even before the
sun set on the evening of the Sabbath. The Rabbi called them into
his study the next day. Both confessed to having given in .--.
to weakness, and admitted that they deserved punishment. /_`-.|
< )/
The Rabbi thought and then went into his kitchen and L_.'/
brought back two bags of dried peas. "Put these _;-"``\
in your shoes," he told them, "and walk on them _,__.-'|| ;
or a week, to remind yourself how hard life ,_ \__|_|| || |
can be when you turn away from the Law." |_`"-._ || || |
|`"-._| || || |
A few days later the two students met. One was | | || || |
limping terribly, had dark circles under his | | || || ;'
eyes, and looked very tired. The other seemed | | |{o}|_,-'|
much as he had been the week before. | | `))` | |
| | (( | |
"Hey," said the first. "How is it that you | | ) | |
are walking so freely? Didn't you do as the | | ( | |
Rabbi told us and put the peas in your shoes?" j | ` | |
g | | |
"Of course I did," said the other. "How could s | _|___|
I disobey the Rabbi?" He started to walk |____| (___._|
away, paused, and then said "But I boiled them first."

_ _
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(_.===============================================._)

_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
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ASCII Art by Joan Stark | |
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/ '.
Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , )
'-' '--'
ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark
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