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|__ __| | January 2, 2001
| | | |__ ___ Tuesday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
.-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____
( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
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| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
| | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N
.' \
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Counting The Twins

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farm- _._ _._
house and knocked. When a woman came to the door, ///\\ //\\\
he asked her how many children she had and their ( . .| |. . )
ages. She said, "Les' see now, there's the \_-_/__\_=_/
twins, Sally and Billy, they're eighteen. And /_) `\_| |\
the twins, Seth & Beth, they're sixteen. And /_| |_\| |_|
the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen-- " \\___// |---|/
| | | | |
"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get | | | | | |
twins every time?" |_|_| |_|_|
jgs (__/__)(__\__)
The woman answered, "Heck no, there were
hundreds of times we didn't get nothin'!"
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Facial Hair
.-"```'.
/ \ \ The farmer and his wife had worked hard, they
/ / `\__/ scrimped and saved to send their son to college.
| .' _ _| As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow
\(\ 6 6 a beard. Next he grew a large mustache and
| \ _\ | sideburns. Being pleased with his new hirsute
|\ `~`= `/ adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it
| '.___.' to his parents.
.'` \ |_
jgs '-__ / `- On the back of the photo he scrawled, "How do
you like it? Don't I look like a count?"

Soon after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost
us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!"

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Two Nuns Out Of Gas

A couple of nuns who were nursing sisters had gone out to the
country to minister to an outpatient. On the way back they were
a few miles from home when they ran out of gas. They were
standing beside their car on the shoulder when a truck approached.
_____
Seeing ladies of the cloth in distress, the .'` `'.
driver stopped to offer his help. The nuns .' '.
explained they needed some gas. The driver / .-"""-. \
of the truck said he would gladly drain some ; / \ ;
from his tank, but he didn't have a bucket | | | |
or can. | | | |
; \ / ;
One of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan and \ ) ( /
asked the driver if he could use it. He said \ / \ /
yes, and proceeded to drain a couple of quarts \ \ / /
of gas into the pan. He waved goodbye to the nuns \ '.___.' /
and left. The nuns were carefully pouring the `'-----'`
precious fluid into their gas tank when the highway patrol came by.

The trooper stopped and watched for a while, then he said: "Sisters,
I don't think it will work, but I sure do admire your faith!"
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(_.===============================================._)

A Prayer For Moms And Dads

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.

_.-/`) I pray I find a little quiet
// / / ) Far from the daily family riot
.=// / / / ) May I lie back--not have to think
//`/ / / / / about what they're stuffing down the sink,
// ( ` / or who they're with, or where they're at
|| / and what they're doing to the cat.
\\ /
)) .' I pray for time all to myself
jgs // / (did something just fall off a shelf?)
/
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish--dead!)

Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)

And that I need not cook or clean--
(well heck, I've got the right to dream)

Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know--
I must have lost them long ago!

/:`"| .@@@@@,
|: 66|_ @@@@@@@@,
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|| |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~". aa`@@@@,
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|| | #| | | || 0 0_|_\ - /_|_|~| )_@@@" |"":\
:| |==: | | |\ ("))___`"`___(|_| /. |@@ 66 `:|
||_|,/ | |_| \ `( )|~~~~~~~~~| ((| | (_ /
\)))|| | ((( | '^'\_________/ || | -_(
|~~~`-`~~~| \~~~~~~| |/ /_\ \| ||_| / ||
| | \ / ()/___\() | W) | ||
|_________| (( | ||~~~~~|| || | |_||
|_________| || | || || || | | W|
| || || | || || || | || |
|_||__ ||__| ||_____|| _||_| _||_|
jgs (____)) ((____) ||-----|| ((___) ((___)

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(_.===============================================._)

_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
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