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|__ __| | November 30, 2000
| | | |__ ___ Thursday
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( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
| |
| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
| | F R I D A Y E D I T I O N
.' \
( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies.
'--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated
jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny.
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Have You Read Marx?

_..--""``````"""--.._
A history professor and an .'` .-xxXXXXXXXXXXXxx-. `'.
anatomy professor were sitting ((`\`XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX /`))
on a deck at a nudist colony. \'.\ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX /.'/
`-\\__xXXXXXXXXXXXx__//-'
The history professor asked the |L________________J|
anatomy professor, "Have you |."`"`"`"``"`"`"`"`|
read Marx?" |_.".".".__."."."._|
jgs |/ \/ \|
The anatomy professor replied,
"Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs."

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I Want To Be Different

.-"-.
.' '.
A man entered a barbershop and said: "I am | |
tired of looking like everyone else! I want \ /
a change! Part my hair from ear to ear!" [_______]
"Are you sure?" |##' ,|
|#' ,#|
"Yes! said the man. |' ,##|
| ,###|
The barber did as he was told, and a |,###'|
satisfied customer left the shop. |###' |
|##' ,|
Three hours passed and the man reenter the |#' ,#|
shop. "Put it back the way it was," he said. |'_,##|
[_______]
"That's the matter?" said the barber. "Are \ /
you tired of being a nonconformist already?" jgs | |

"No," he replied, "I'm tired of people whispering in my nose!"
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The Jaguar XK140 Convertible

_
, __.-'\______\\'.______
>` '-`.--------'---`-`-`-. A young blonde female stock
/ .-. \________ "" .-. =\ broker was bored with driving
jgs '---( o )------------( o )--' her BMW. It lacked
'-' '-' individuality and besides
that, every other girl in the
office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps
an MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and
spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully
restored and she fell in love with it's gorgeous red paint work. An
empty check tub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country
lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was
flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could
possibly go wrong?

With that thought, there was a splutter from the engine and the car
slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and
concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what
was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick
phone call to the Auto Club and a short wait saw a bright shiny
yellow van pull up behind her.

"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the
matter?"

Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."

"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine
was purring like a cat again.

"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?"

"Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, "Oh, OK. How many times a week do I have
to do that?"

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One Question Too Many

, /\ ,
A defense attorney was cross-examining a / '-' '-' \
police officer during a felony trial... | POLICE |
it went like this: \ .--. /
| ( 19 ) |
Q. Officer, did you see my client \ '--' /
fleeing the scene? '--. .--'
jgs \/
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a
person matching the description of the offender running several
blocks away.

Q. Officer, who provided this description?

A. The officer who responded to the scene.

Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called
offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

A. Yes sir, with my life.

Q. WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer--do you have a
locker room in the police station a room where you change your
clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

A. Yes sir, we do.

Q. And do you have a locker in that room?

A. Yes sir, I do.

.-""-. Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
/ .--. \
/ / \ \ A. Yes sir.
| | | |
| |.-""-.| Q. Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR
///`.::::.`\ FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you
||| ::/ \:: ; find it necessary to lock your locker in a
||; ::\__/:: ; room you share with those officers?
\\\ '::::' /
jgs `=':-..-'` A. You see sir, we share the building with a
court complex, and sometimes defense
attorneys have been known to walk through
that room.
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_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
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/ '.
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