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_______ _
|__ __| | October 19, 2000
| | | |__ ___ Thursday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
.-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____
( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
| |
| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
| | F R I D A Y E D I T I O N
.' \
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'--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated
jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. See
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more humor visit http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/
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Another True Police Story...

__[]__
The police department, ,-`---.--`;. (}
famous for its superior .---' '---'.-.-- '----. </\
K-9 unit, was somewhat / .-. {K9} .-. \ |\'-._
taken aback by a recent '--(( ))-----------(( ))' / | `',___/>
incident. Returning `"` `"` ` ` /> >\
home from work, a blonde
was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She
telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9
unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene. As the K-9
officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran
out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, "I come home
from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for
help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND policeman!"

If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend.
_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
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_____
You think a gallon of gasoline is expensive? _[_____]_
|---------|
|#### ####|\
Well, here are a few things that Autoweek has |... ...|\\
brought to our attention to compare. This is |_________|((|
what it costs to buy a gallon of... |.-------.| ||
|| || []
|| || #
Diet Snapple 16oz for $1.29 equals $10.32 || || ,#
per gallon || || #'
|| ||#'
Lipton Ice Tea 16oz for $1.19 equals || ||'
$9.52 per gallon jgs __|'-------'|__
[_______________]
Gatorade 20oz for $1.59 equals $10.17
per gallon
___
| | Ocean Spray 16oz for $1.25 equals
| | $10.00 per gallon
|___|
(___) Pint of milk 16oz for $1.59 equals
| | $12.72 per gallon
_.-' '-._
/' `\ STP Brake Fluid 12oz for $3.15 equals
\ / $33.60 per gallon
| .---------. |
| | _ | | Vick's Nyquil 6oz for $8.35 equals
| | (_` | | $178.13 per gallon
| | ,_)_ | |
| | / ` | | Pepto Bismol 4oz for $3.85 equals
| | _\_, | | $123.20 per gallon
| | / \ | |
| | \_/_ | | Whiteout 7oz for $1.39 equals $25.42
| | |_) | | per gallon
j | | _| | |
g | | |_ | | Scope 1.5oz for $0.99 equals $84.48
s | | |_ | | per gallon
/ '---------' \
\_____________/ And this is the REAL KICKER......

Evian water 9oz for $1.49 equals $ 21.19 per gallon

You get the idea?? So next time you're at the pump, be glad your
car doesn't run on Nyquil, or Scope, or Whiteout!!!!

_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
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.--.
." o \__ Two robins were sitting in a tree.
_.-" ,( `
_.-" ,;;| "I'm really hungry", said the first one.
_.-=" _," ,,;;;'
.-"`_.-"``-..,,;;;;:' "Me, too" said the second. "Let's fly down
`"'` `\`\ and find some lunch."
jgs /^\\\
They flew to the ground and found a nice plot
of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate 'til
they could eat no more.
.--.
"I'm so full I don't think I can __/ o ".
fly back up to the tree", said the ` ), "-._
first one. |;;, "-._
';;;,, ",_ "=-._
"Me either. Let's just lay here and ':;;;;,,..-``"-._`"-.
bask in the warm sun", said the second. /`/` `'"`
///^\ jgs
"O.K." said the first.

They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen
asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up.

As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, "I love
baskin' robins."

_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
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Temperature Conversion Guide

With Winter just around the corner, here is a handy chart for helping
to gauge how cold it is...

.--.
/ \
| |
|_50 | 50°F (10°C)- New Yorkers turn on the heat. Canadians plant
| | gardens.
|- |
|_40 | 40°F (4°C)- Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians
| | sunbathe.
|- | 35°F (2°C)- Italian cars won't start. Canadians drive with
|_30 | the windows down.
| |
|- | 32°F (0°C)- Distilled water freezes. Canadian water gets
|_20 | thicker.
| | 20°F (-7°C)- Floridians wear coats, gloves & wool hats.
|- | Canadians throw on a T-shirt.
|_10 |
| | 15°F (-9°C)- Californians begin to evacuate the state.
|- | Canadians go swimming.
|_0 |
| |
|- | 0°F (-18°C)- New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
|_-10| Canadians have the last cookout before it gets
| | cold.
|- | -10°F (-23°C)- People in Miami cease to exist. Canadians lick
|_-20| flagpoles.
| | -20°F (-29°C)- Californians fly away to Mexico. Canadians
|- | throw on a lightweight jacket.
|_-30|
| | -40°F (-40°C)- Hollywood disintegrates. Canadians rent
|- | videos.
|_-40|
| |
|- |
|_-50|
| |
|- |
|_-60| -60°F (-51°C)- Mt. St. Helen's freezes. Canadian Girl Scouts
| | begin selling cookies door to door.
|- |
|_-70| -80°F (-62°C)- Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
| | Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival"
|- | classes until it gets cold enough.
|_-80| -100°F (-73°C)- Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
| | Canadians pull down their earflaps.
|- |
|_-90|
| |
|- |
|_-10| -173°F (-114°C)- Ethyl alcohol freezes. Canadians get
| | frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.
|- |
|_-11| -297°F (-183°C)- Microbial life survives on dairy products.
|;;;;| Canadian cows complain of farmers with cold
|;;;;| hands.
\;;;;/ -460°F (-273°C)- ALL atomic motion stops. Canadians start
|;;| saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
|;;|
|;;|
|;;|
|;;| -500°F (-296°C)- Hell freezes over. The Toronto Maple Leafs win
\;;/ the Stanley Cup.
_____________________________________
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|&&&&&& > < &&&&&&|
|&&&&&& '~|/~~|~~\|~' &&&&&&|
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|&&&&&& &&&&&&|
|&&&&&&_________________________&JGS&&|
`~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
_ _
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(_.===============================================._)
_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
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ASCII Art by Joan Stark | |
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