_______ _
                      |__   __| |                     August 24, 2000
                         | |  | |__   ___                    Thursday
                         | |  | '_ \ / _ \
 .-.     _     ______    | |  | | | |  __/    ____
(   `. .' )   |  ____|   |_|  |_| |_|\___|   |  _ \
 `\   ` .'    | |__ _   _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |_) | ___  _ __   ___
   |   |      |  __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | |  _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
   |   |      | |  | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | |  __/
   | 66|_     |_|   \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
   |  ,__)                             __/ |
   |(,_|                              |___/           ISSN: 1527-6163
   | |
   | \_,               T H E    S U N D A Y    F U N N I E S
   |   |
   |   |                    F R I D A Y    E D I T I O N
 .'     \
(    ,   )    You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies.
 '--' '-'     A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated
              jokes.  Sometimes a bit risque but always funny.  See
the end of this message for instructions on how to unsubscribe.  For
more humor visit http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

              _    .  ,   .           .
          *  / \_ *  / \_      _  *        *   /\'__        *
            /    \  /    \,   ((        .    _/  /  \  *'.
       .   /\/\  /\/ :' __ \_  `          _^/  ^/    `--.
          /    \/  \  _/  \-'\      *    /.' ^_   \_   .'\  *
        /\  .-   `. \/     \ /==~=-=~=-=-;.  _/ \ -. `_/   \
       /  `-.__ ^   / .-'.--\ =-=~_=-=~=^/  _ `--./ .-'  `-
      /jgs     `.  / /       `.~-^=-=~=^=.-'      '-._ `._

A Yankee and a Scot were walking one day near the foot of one of the
Scotch mountains.  The Scot, wishing to impress the visitor, produced
a famous echo to be heard in that place.  When the echo returned
clearly
after nearly four minutes, the proud Scotsman, turning to the Yankee,
exclaimed:

"There, mon, ye canna show anything like that in your country."

"Oh I don't know," said the American, "I guess we can better that. Why,
in my camp in the Rockies, when I go to bed I just lean out the window
and call out, 'Time to get up; wake up!' and eight hours later the echo
comes back and wakes me."

     If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend.
        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

            ,
            |`-.__        A woman walks into a bar and orders two
            / ' _/        shots. She downs the first one..."This is
           ****`          for the shame", and then the second one...
          /    }          "This is for the glory."
         /  \ /
     \ /`   \\\           She then orders two more shots. She drinks
      `\    /_\\          the first one..."This is for the shame" and
jgs    `~~~~~``~`         then the second one..."This is for the
glory."

She is about to order two more shots when the bartender stops her.
"Ma'am, I was just wondering...what's this about shame and glory?"

"Well," she replies, "I like to do my housework naked. But when I bent
over to pick something up, my Great Dane mounted me from behind."

"That must be the shame," the bartender said.

"No, that was the glory. The shame is when we got locked together and
he
dragged me around the front yard for thirty minutes."

        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

            How You Undress Reveals Your Personality

Psychiatrist Dr. Frank Caprio gives the following breakdown:

HAPHAZARD UNDRESSER:                                      .-<\ />-.
If you throw your clothes all over the house,            / , \V/ , \
you are a friendly, life-of-the-party type. You          | |  :  | |
are free with your thoughts and opinions, not            | |  :  | |
caring much about what others think of you.              | |__:__| |
                                                     jgs \_/     \_/
          ,..,                                            ~       ~
       .-//||\\-.        METICULOUS UNDRESSER:
      / ,      , \       If you remove each piece of clothing and put
     /  ;      ;  \      it away carefully, you are a serious person
    /, /|      |\ .\     who likes life very calm. You are comfortable
    \` \|      |/ `/     with routine and you believe that the best way
     \  \      /  /      to deal with life's problems is to prevent
jgs   \_/||||||\_/       them in the first place.
        `"===="`                                          .
                                                         /':.
                                                        /   ':.
SHOES AND SOCKS FIRST UNDRESSER:                       /     /
You are perfectionist, very shy,                      /\    / .
observant, dependable, intense and                   /  |  / /':.
think before making decisions. You                   \_/   |/   ':.
go about your tasks methodically,                     \     \    /
with concentration. You know how to                    \    /|  /
pay attention.                                          '._|/; /
     _____________                                       \ _/  |
    [_I_I[L]=_I_I_]                                       \     \
    /     | :     \                                    jgs \    /|
    |    /|  \    |                                         '._|/
    |   | '-  |   |         SLOW UNDRESSER:
     \  | /^\ |  /          If you take off the shirt and ten
     |  | | | |  |          minutes later get around to the pants,
     |  | | | |  |          you are extremely self-confident,
     |  | | | |  |          intellectual, a deep thinker and don't
     \  | | | |  /          like to be hassled. Usually you like a
     / -|-| |-|- \          lot of free time for yourself.
     |  | | | |  |
     |  | | | |  |
     |  | | | |  |                                 _______________
     |__|_| |_|__|                                |===============|
jgs  [____] [____]                                |     /```\     |
                                                  |    /    /\    |
                                                  '--._\   | /_.--'
FAST UNDRESSER:                               jgs      `\__\/`
If you get out of your clothes as quickly
as possible, you are concerned about others
and what they expect from you but you're worried
about your own needs. You are family-oriented and
stay extremely busy.

                                        JEWELRY OFF FIRST UNDRESSER:
     .-I---------.="=.------------.     If you take off your rings,
    <==I        (  >  )    - - - - >    watch, etc. before anything
jgs  '-I---------'=,='------------'     else, you are warm, thoughtful,
                                        sensitive and romantic.

NEVER THE SAME WAY UNDRESSER:
If you never do it the same way twice, you are a very curious,
interesting person and you enjoy a broad range of activities.  You take
risks and enjoy fun and adventure.

        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                       Do You Need Help???
                                                    ,{{}}}}}}.
                                                   {{{{{}}}}}}}.
Hello.                                            {{{{  {{{{{}}}}
                                                 }}}}} _   _ {{{{{
Yes, you!                                        }}}}  e   e  }}}}}
                                                {{{{C    ^    {{{{{
You, looking at this screen for hours          }}}}}}\   =   /}}}}}}
on end, online.  You, bleary-eyed.            {{{{{{{{;.___.;{{{{{{{{
You, an addict.  Have you looked in the       }}}}}}}}})   (}}}}}}}}}}
mirror lately? Been outside? Know what       {{{{}}}}}':   :{{{{{{{{{{
day of the week it is?                       {{{}}}}}}  `@` {{{}}}}}}}
                                              {{{{{{{{{    }}}}}}}}}
Your name was given to us by a spouse           }}}}}}}}  {{{{{{{{{
or family member who is concerned about          {{{{{{{{  }}}}}}
your Internet addiction. At Internetaholics         }}}}}  {{{{   jgs
Anonymous, we can help. We're a non-profit           {{{    }}
society of recovering addicts like yourself
that provides support and counseling through weekly
meetings designed to help you cope with your problem.

We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in extreme cases,
interventions.  Although it is our firm belief that you are never
"cured," you most certainly can recover.

We have designed a brief checklist to determine IF you are an addict.
Do you:

   1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal?
   2) Check e-mail more than five times a day?
   3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?
   4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online?
   5) Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to
      hope you'll receive a reply one day from a company you'll never
      do business with anyway?
   6) Log on before important personal habits, such as meal
preparation,
      hygiene or bodily functions?
   7) Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head?
   8) Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be
      griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome?
   9) See smoke arising from your computer or WebTV box?
  10) All of the above?
                                                       _______
If you answered yes to four or more questions        /` _____ `\;,
(or chose #10), you have a problem.                 /__(^===^)__\';,
                                                      /  :::  \   ,;
 Please call us at Internetaholics Anonymous at:     |   :::   | ,;'
    1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORSWEETJESUSSAKES.               '._______.'`   jgs

We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The first step to
recovery is an admission that you have a problem. Call us today. If you
can power off to free up your phone line, that is.
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                                           _     .-.
      John Nunley  -  [email protected]            ( `. .'   )
                                                           `. `   /'
 To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail        |   |
 message to [email protected] and your        |   |
        address will automatically be removed.              _|66 |
                                                           (__,  |
      For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website           L_,)|
           http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/                 | |
                                                             ,_/ |
               ASCII Art by Joan Stark                       |   |
              http://www.ascii-art.com/                      |   |
                                                            /     '.
Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved.   (   ,    )
                                                            '-' '--'
     ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark
 please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art
      http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm

You are viewing proxied material from mozz.us. The copyright of proxied material belongs to its original authors. Any comments or complaints in relation to proxied material should be directed to the original authors of the content concerned. Please see the disclaimer for more details.