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|__ __| | August 22, 2000
| | | |__ ___ Tuesday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
.-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____
( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
| |
| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
| | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N
.' \
( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies.
'--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated
jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. See
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more humor visit
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.----.""".
/____/ (O )\
A Mexican named Juan decided that he `--\_ /
might be able to supplement his income // \\
by investing in, breeding, and selling {{ }}
tropical birds. He began by buying a =======""===""=======
large red-billed toucan and started to jgs |||
raise it to attempt to discover if he '|'
had a flair for handling birds. He soon
discovered that the care and feeding of his rare tropical toucan was
costing much more than he had originally anticipated.
Juan tried to save money by sacrificing his own dietary well being
and began living on basic staples like rice and beans. Unfortunately,
the bird was still very expensive to feed and care for. Juan
experimented. He began feeding his bird the same food he ate.
He was surprised to discover that the bird flourished. The toucan
did wonderfully well eating the same inexpensive food as Juan. The
bird particularly liked rice and beans. Juan became famous in the
annals of bird breeding when it was discovered that toucan live as
cheap as Juan.
If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend.
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O O
The old couple were planning to go on a /Y/|\
second honeymoon for their 50th wedding /_<<
anniversary. The old woman said, "We will )~~~(
go to all the same places that we did on @@@@@@@@@
our first honeymoon." )'-'-'(
@@@@@@@@@@@@@
"Uh huh," said the old man. ) * * * (
)'-''-''-'(
"We will do all the things that we did on @@@@@@@@@@@@@
our first honeymoon," said the old woman. || ||
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
"Uh huh," said the old man. ) * * * * *(
)'-''-''-''-''-(
"And we will make love like we did on our )* * * * * (
first honeymoon," said the old woman. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@JGS@
"That's right," said the old man, "except this time I get to sit on
the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"
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/)))))))))
//) __ __\ ,%%%%%%%%%,
One night a man and a woman C==/_o/^\o_\ ,%%%%%%%%%%%%,
are both at a bar knocking | _\ ) %/_ _%%%%%%%
back a few beers. \ ,__ / / o o )%%%
_/`-. __.'_ ( /_ @%%,
They start talking and come \ \ ===' /%%%
to realize that they're both jgs _'-----' \%%%&.
doctors. After about an hour, /
the man says to the woman, "Hey,
how about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll
just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it. So they
go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom.
She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to
go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally
she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't
you?"
"Yeah, how did you know?"
The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we
started."
"Oh, that makes sense", says the woman".
You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man, a bit
surprised. "How did you know?"
The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
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Signs that you live in the 90's
________________
|.-----------. |
1. You tried to enter your password on || _____ |ooo|
the microwave |8 | | |ooo|
2. You now think of three espressos as || | | 7| = |
"getting wasted." |8 '-----' | _ |
3. You only have to wait days (not jgs ||___________|[_]|
years), till the next predicted '----------------'
"Doomsday".
4. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family
of three.
5. You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready,
and he e-mails you back "What's for dinner?"
6. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her website.
7. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa,
but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
8. You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted
one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
9. Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your college
room-mate used to play.
10. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to
see if it contains Echinacea.
11. You check your blow dryer to _ _ \ \
see if it's Y2K compliant. .-"""""-. / \_> /\ |/
12. Your grandmother clogs up your / \.'` `',.--//
e-mail inbox asking you to send -( Y2K I I @@\
her a JPEG file of your newborn \ /'.____.'\___|
so she can create a screensaver. '-.....-' __/ | \ (`)
13. You pull up in your own driveway / / /
and use your cell phone to see jgs \ \
if anyone is home.
14. Every commercial on TV has a website address at the bottom of
the screen.
15. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now
sells for half the price you paid.
16. The concept of using real money, instead of a credit or debit to
make a purchase, is foreign to you.
_ ,. 17. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the
( ` ) fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
| | 18. Your reason for not staying in touch with your
| "|_ parents is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
| ,__) 19. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.
|)-' 20. You refer to your dining room table as the flat
| \, filing cabinet.
| | 21. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored
jgs (_, ) post-it notes.
`" 22. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of
in person.
(the Funnybone, of course, at
http://www.funnybone.com)
_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)
_ .-.
John Nunley -
[email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | |
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For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)|
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ASCII Art by Joan Stark | |
http://www.ascii-art.com/ | |
/ '.
Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , )
'-' '--'
ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark
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