_______ _
                      |__   __| |                     August 10, 2000
                         | |  | |__   ___                    Thursday
                         | |  | '_ \ / _ \
 .-.     _     ______    | |  | | | |  __/    ____
(   `. .' )   |  ____|   |_|  |_| |_|\___|   |  _ \
 `\   ` .'    | |__ _   _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |_) | ___  _ __   ___
   |   |      |  __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | |  _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
   |   |      | |  | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | |  __/
   | 66|_     |_|   \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
   |  ,__)                             __/ |
   |(,_|                              |___/           ISSN: 1527-6163
   | |
   | \_,               T H E    S U N D A Y    F U N N I E S
   |   |
   |   |                    F R I D A Y    E D I T I O N
 .'     \
(    ,   )    You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies.
 '--' '-'     A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated
              jokes.  Sometimes a bit risque but always funny.  See
the end of this message for instructions on how to unsubscribe.  For
more humor visit http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                                   .-.
                                             __   /   \   __
Florist Complaint                           (  `'.\   /.'`  )
                                             '-._.(;;;)._.-'
                                             .-'  ,`"`,  '-.
A new business was opening and one of       (__.-'/   \'-.__)/)_
the owner's friends wanted to send him            \   /\    / / )
flowers for the occasion.  They arrived            '-'  |   \/.-')
at the new business site and the owner             ,    | .'/\'..)
read the card, "Rest in Peace".                    |\   |/  | \_)
                                                   \ |  |   \_/
The owner was angry and called the florist          | \ /
to complain.                                         \|/    _,
                                                      /  __/ /
After he had told the florist of the obvious         | _/ _.'
mistake and how angry he was, the florist            |/__/    jgs
replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the               \
mistake, but rather than getting angry, you
should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today,
and they have flowers with a note saying, 'congratulations on your
new location'"

     If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend.
        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                             / .-
                                             |/,-'`
The Telephone Rings...                    _.-'''-._
                                        /` __   __ `\
                                   ___ ;__.--._.--.__;
"Who's calling?" was the          /  /\  ( O / \ O )  `\
answer to the telephone.          | _\/_  '-'   '-'   _/
                                 _|_|' |     (_)     |
"Watt."                         /  __) |             |
                                |  __) |    .___.    |     .-.  _
"What is your name, please?"    | ___)';   /\.-./\   ;     | | / |
                                |~||/\ .\    `-`    /    __| |/ /_
"Watt's my name."               | \_\/==;'._  -  _.'__  (_       _)
                                \  8      /\"""""/\   `\  `|  .'`
"That's what I asked you.        '--8----.`-`\^/`-`.    \  |~~|
 What's your name?"                  8   |   /~\   |`\   \ |  |
                                     8   |   |\|   |  \   `y  |
"That's what I told you.        jgs  8   |   |\|   |   \      /
 Watt's my name."                    8   |   |\|   |    '.__.'
                                     8   |___|\|___|
A long pause, and then from          8   |===\_/===|
Watt, "Is this James Brown?"

"No, this is Knott."

"Please tell me your name."

"Will Knott."

Whereupon they both hung up.

        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                                   .-.
Old Habits Are Hard To Break                     ,-"""-,
                                                / \__   \
                                               |  /  `\  |
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner.      \(  ^.^  )/
After she cut off the end of the ham,            \  -  /
she placed it in a pan for baking.            .-'|;---;|-.
                                           (\/   ||___||  `\
Her friend asked her, "Why did you          \\__/       \__|
cut off the end of the ham"?              C|`----`|D __//| |
                                           |      |====( | |
She replied, "I really don't know          |      |    _/_/___.----
but my mother always did, so I         .===|      |====\      /===.
thought you were supposed to."         |  ('------')  ( '----' )  |
                                   jgs |                          |
Later when talking to her mother
she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it,
and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my
mom always did it."

A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman
asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before
you bake it?"

Her grandmother replied, "Well dear, it would never fit into my
baking pan."

        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

         Try this!  This is amazing!  And it REALLY works!

                                                      ."".
1. Think of a letter between A and W.  Repeat       _ |  | _
   it out loud as you keep going!                 (` ':():' `)
                                                   '-'|/\|`-'
2. Think of an animal that begins with that           /  \
   letter.  Repeat it out loud as you scroll         /|  |)-.--._
   down.                                            ( |  / _|  | `|
                                                     )| (/` )  |  |
3. Think of a man's/woman's name that begins        / | /) /'--:__/
   with the last letter in that animal.  Say       (  |/  /       |
   it out loud as you scroll down.                    (  ' \      |
                                                       \    `.   /
4. Now count out the letters in that name on      jgs   |       |
   the fingers of the hand you are not using
   to scroll down.

5. Take the hand you counted with, smack yourself in the head, get
   back to work, and quit playing stupid e-mail games.

        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

        _
       |E]
     .-|=====-.        Many Universities, government offices and
     | | MAIL |        businesses tend to strip the first name down
     |________|___     to 6 characters and add the first and last
          ||           initial to either the beginning or end to
          ||                                   make up an e-mail
          ||   www                %%%          address.
   vwv    ||   )_(,;;;,        ,;,\_/ www
   )_(    ||   \|/ \_/         )_(\|  (_)   i.e. Mary L. Ferguson
   \|   \ || /\\|/  |/         \| \|// |
___\|//jgs||//_\V/_\|//_______\\|//V/\\|/__   = mlfergus or
fergusml.

They are just now beginning to realize the problems this practice
may cause when you have a large and diverse pool of people to support
with e-mail.  Add to that a large database of company/college
acronyms and you have some very funny addresses (although they are
undoubtedly not funny to the individual involved).

These are some examples of actual e-mail addresses seen on the Net.
Please do NOT e-mail these people.

        Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University)
        [email protected]

        Martha Elizabeth Cummins (Fresno University)
        [email protected]

        George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.)
        [email protected]

        Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania)
        [email protected]

        Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University)
        [email protected]

        Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating)
        [email protected]

        Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University)
        [email protected]

        IDA Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University)
        [email protected]

        Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern
                                  Division, Overton Canada)
        [email protected]

        Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us)
        [email protected]
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                                           _     .-.
      John Nunley  -  [email protected]            ( `. .'   )
                                                           `. `   /'
 To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail        |   |
   message to  [email protected]  and your         |   |
        address will automatically be removed.              _|66 |
                                                           (__,  |
      For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website           L_,)|
           http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/                 | |
                                                             ,_/ |
               ASCII Art by Joan Stark                       |   |
              http://www.ascii-art.com/                      |   |
                                                            /     '.
Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved.   (   ,    )
                                                            '-' '--'
     ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark
 please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art
      http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm

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