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|__ __| | August 1, 2000
| | | |__ ___ Tuesday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
.-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____
( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
| |
| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
| | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N
.' \
( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies.
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jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. See
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From The Stupid Question File...
____
.---[[__]]----.
I was at the airport, ;-------------.| ____
checking in at the gate, | || .--[[__]]---.
when the airport employee | || ;-----------.|
asked, "Has anyone put | || | ||
anything in your baggage jgs |_____________|/ | ||
without your knowledge?" |___________|/

I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend.
_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
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__w
,%%%% Difference Between Men and Women...
.%%%_/ ,_
%%/(___//
%%||))-'
,%%%)\( The main difference between men and women:
%%%/ \\ When men say something and do something
,%%\ ; else, they "lied" ...
% | |
| | When women say something and do something
/ | else, they "changed their mind"
jgs /___|
_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

_____
My Daddy's A Doctor... ."` `".
__ / \ __
/ & /"""""\ & \
Five-year-old Becky answered the / /\ /` 9 9 `\ /\ \
door when the census taker came | | /` ^ `\ | |
by. She told the census taker jgs / / \ '-' / \ \
that her daddy was a doctor /.-' `-._____.-` `-.\
and wasn't home because he was
performing an appendectomy.

"My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a
little girl. Do you know what it means?"

"Sure do! Fifteen-hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the
anesthesiologist!"

_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
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__ __ ______
| \ / | | \
The Doctors | \/ | | _ |
| | | | \ |
| |\/| | _| |_/ |__
Nowadays there's little meaning | | | |/ \ / \
For a person to be gleaning |__| |__|\__/_____/\__/
When a man attaches "Doctor" to his name
He may be a chiropractor
Or a painless tooth extractor
He's entitled to the title just the same.

Or perhaps he is a preacher
Or a lecturer or teacher,
Or an expert who cures chickens of the pip;
He may keep a home for rummies,
Or massage fat people's tummies,
Or specialize in ailments of the hip.

Everybody is a "doctor,"
From the backwoods herb concocter
To the man who takes bunions from your toes;
From the frowning dietitian
To the snappy electrician
Who shocks you loose from all the body's woes.

So there's very little meaning
For a sufferer to be gleaning
When a man attaches "Doctor" to his name.
He may pound you, he may starve you,
He may cut your hair or carve you,
You have got to call him Doctor all the same!

by Stoddard King

_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
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.-"'"-.
| |
Potatoes (`-._____.-')
.. `-._____.-' ..
.', :./'.== ==.`\.: ,`.
You know that all potatoes : ( : ___ ___ : ) ;
have eyes. Well, Mr. and '._.: |0| |0| :._.'
Mrs. Potato had eyes for / `-'_`-' \
each other and they finally _.| / \ |._
got married and had a little .'.-| ( ) |-.`.
one---a real SWEET POTATO //' | .-"`"`-'"`"-. | `\\
whom they called "YAM". || | `~":-...-:"~` | ||
|| \. `---' ./ ||
They wanted the best for || '-._ _.-' ||
little Yam, telling her all / \ _/ `~:~` \_ / \
about the facts of life. ||||\) .-' / \ `-. (/||||
\||| (`.___.')-(`.___.') |||/
They warned her about going '"' jgs `-----' `-----' '"'
out and getting half baked
because she could get Mashed, get a bad name like Hot Potato, and
then end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

She said not to worry --- no Mr. McSpud would get her in the sack and
make a Rotten Potato out of her! But she wouldn't stay home and
become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of food and
exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

Mr. and Mrs. Potato even told her about going off to Europe and to
watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland and even the greasy
guys from France called the French Fries. They also said she should
watch out for the Indians when going out west because she could get
Scalloped. She told them she would stay on the straight and narrow
and wouldn't associate with those high class Blue Belles or the ones
from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all
the trucks you see around town that say Frito Lay.

Mr. & Mrs. Potato wanted the best for Yam, so they sent her to "Idaho
P.U."-that's Potato University - where the Big Potatoes come from and
when she graduated, she'd really be in the Chips. But one day she
came home and said she was going to marry Walter Cronkite.
Mr. and Mrs.Potato were very upset and said she couldn't marry him
because he's just a Common Tator!

_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

The Hunter
n##n,
/" /##
My brother, David, who lives in Maine, (__/ ##_ ___
tells this story. Several years ago lie | ``` `\
owned a roan stallion he had trained to \ / / |\
hunt moose. His stallion could smell || /_,-\ / #
moose at least a mile away. Of course, ||| >> >
many people make similar claims. Most, jgs //_( //_(
who have been near enough to notice,
agree that moose do have a distinctive odor.

(\_ _/) When moose season arrived, David would
) ( ) ( saddle up the roan and ride off into the
( ( ) ) woods. He would simply allow the horse to
)_(\ \.--./ /)_( wander aimlessly, but invariably they would
`)` 6 6 '(' find moose the first day of the season.
/ \ The horse was able to approach the moose
jgs ( ) ( ) without frightening them, so that Dave
`(_c__c_)` could easily bag one.
`--`
This horse became famous all over Maine for its extraordinary
ability. Dave was the envy of hunters from one end of Maine to the
other because his family was assured an ample supply of moose
mincemeat every Christmas.

One fall day, when Dave went out to feed the horse, he found it
had been stolen. He spread the word about his loss, but moose season
came and went without the return of his roan stallion. After moose
season closed a pickup truck drove into Dave's farmyard with the
missing horse in a trailer.

The driver said, "I'm bringing your horse back. He's no good. He
didn't find any moose at all."

My brother replied, "I could have told you, ... A stolen roan gathers
no moose!"
_ _
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(_.===============================================._)

_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
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