_______

_______ _
|__ __| | July 31, 2000
| | | |__ ___ Sunday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
.-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____
( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
| |
| \_,
| | T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
.' \
( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies.
'--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated
jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. See
the end of this message for instructions on how to unsubscribe. For
more humor visit http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/
_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

T~~
Once upon a time... |
/"\
T~~ |'| T~~
Once upon a time, in a land far away, T~~ | T~ WWWW|
a beautiful, independent, self assured | /"\ | | |/\T~~
princess happened upon a frog as she /"\ WWW /"\ |' |WW|
sat, contemplating ecological issues WWWWW/\| / \|'/\|/"\
on the shores of an unpolluted pond | /__\/]WWW[\/__\WWWW
in a verdant meadow near her castle. |" WWWW'|I_I|'WWWW' |
The frog hopped into the princess' | |' |/ - \|' |' |
lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was |' | |LI=H=LI|' | |
once a handsome prince, until an | |' | |[_]| | |' |
evil witch cast a spell upon me. jgs | | |_|###|_| | |
One kiss from you, however, and I '---'--'-/___\-'--'---'
will turn back into the dapper, young
prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up
housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my
meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful
and happy doing so.
_ __
/_/_\`\ That night, as the princess dined
.---\o\o/ | sumptuously on a repast of lightly
(-. , O`--. sauteed frog legs seasoned in a
\_'----' .--.`\ white wine and onion cream sauce,
|` / (| she chuckled to herself and
_\ _\ ()_/ thought...
{_/'-||_} -'`) I don't think so.
jgs {_/ }_..-`

If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend.
_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

.-------.
Education In A Bottle |_______|
_)_____(_
/ \
An advanced society has figured how to |====_======|
package basic knowledge in pill form. | |_) |
A student, needing some learning, goes | | \ |
to the pharmacy and asks what kind of | \/ |
knowledge pills are available. | /\ |
|===========|
The pharmacist says "Here's a pill for jgs\___________/
English literature." The student takes
the pill and swallows it and has a new and deeper knowledge of
English literature!

"What else do you have?" asks the student.

"Well, I have pills for art, history, biology, and geography,"
replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these and, swallowing them, and has vast new
knowledge on each of these subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you
have a pill for math?"

The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the
storeroom and brings back a HUGE pill and presents it to the student.

"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.

Replies the pharmacist, "Well, math always was a little hard to
swallow."
_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

A Few Q's and A's About Men

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.

Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute.
.-""-.
Q: How many men does it take to change a light bulb? / __ \
A: None, they just sit there in the dark and complain. | \/ |
\ || /
Q: Why are men and parking spaces alike? ||||
A: Because all the good ones are gone and the only {==}
ones left are disabled. jgs {==}
_
(_) Q: Why are men like public toilets?
_|____ A: Because all the good ones are engaged
.' | and the only ones left are full of crap.
/ '---.
| \ Q: What have men and floor tiles got in common?
\ /\_. A: If you lay them properly the first time, you
jgs '.____.' can walk all over them for life.

Q: What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
A: One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a Fish.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
Caring and good-looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.

Q: How do men sort their laundry?
A: "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.

_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

___
.' '. o888888o
/::' o-\o 88`8888888
|c _\ e^e 88888
\ -/ /_ 888
_.-) --' \=_ /
." < \_/ >\ ) \-.
/ `-.\.'| \ ,.' || \ ()
| | : | \ //'.__.' | \ ||
| | : | \ / \ , /\ \ .-""""-._ ||
| | : |\ \ / /`-``--` \ \ / \||
| \_____:__/ \ / / ) \ \. /||
.--|__/ |--\_/ /---/ _.-|\ \_-.....-'` ||
/ [__| _| | \___ \ /'-._.' |/ ___/_ _ _ _||
| .--' | \ \ `` / / / `` ) ||
| '----' \ \ \ / / /` / ||
| `\ \ \ / / /` ( ||
| | | | | | | \ ||
\ | | | \ \ \ ) ||
|'----------|___|___|-----\ \ |----------'--------=||
|| [___]___] \ )\ ) ||
|| ( \ \ / / / ||
|| `\ \\ \ ooOOooo ||
|| jgs oooOOooo ||

Mildred & Chester

Mildred and Chester knew each other from childhood but were in their
nineties when they got married. They had to wait for Mildred's
mother to pass away first. Back in those days there was no hanky
panky before marriage so Chester and Mildred were both still virgins.
Needless to say Chester was pretty excited on their wedding night.
Having waited so patiently all these years. However, Mildred was
very apprehensive as she had developed a heart condition and would
have to tell Chester that they could not do it.

Chester is now sitting on the bed wanting Mildred to hurry up. He
detects a little reluctance on her part. Thinking that she is shy he
sends her off to the bathroom to get undressed. When she reappears
in her silk sateen nightie he gets her to sit next to him on the bed.
Not knowing how to get things started he pulls the first strap on her
nightie. She blushes just as red as her silk sateen nightie. She is
really concerned about telling Chester about her heart condition.

In the meantime Chester is looking at the first breast he has seen
since his own mothers. It is hanging there down to her belly button;
gravity having taken it's course over some ninety years. He realizes
her anxiety but figures she is going have to be helped a little more.
Now he pulls the second strap and sees the second breast unroll
downward before him.

Poor Mildred is now beside herself. She is going to have to tell
Chester about her heart. With a quivering voice and mustering up all
her courage, she says "Chester I have acute angina".

Chester says " I sure hope so. Your tits look like hell."
_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | |
message to [email protected] and your | |
address will automatically be removed. _|66 |
(__, |
For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)|
http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ | |
,_/ |
ASCII Art by Joan Stark | |
http://www.ascii-art.com/ | |
/ '.
Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , )
'-' '--'
ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark
please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm