_______ _
                      |__   __| |                       July 25, 2000
                         | |  | |__   ___                     Tuesday
                         | |  | '_ \ / _ \
 .-.     _     ______    | |  | | | |  __/    ____
(   `. .' )   |  ____|   |_|  |_| |_|\___|   |  _ \
 `\   ` .'    | |__ _   _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |_) | ___  _ __   ___
   |   |      |  __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | |  _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
   |   |      | |  | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | |  __/
   | 66|_     |_|   \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
   |  ,__)                             __/ |
   |(,_|                              |___/           ISSN: 1527-6163
   | |
   | \_,               T H E    S U N D A Y    F U N N I E S
   |   |
   |   |                  M I D W E E K    E D I T I O N
 .'     \
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              jokes.  Sometimes a bit risque but always funny.  See
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        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

       ___
      /___\
     |/   \|
     ||_|_||            A rather confident man walks into a bar
     [_____]            and takes a seat next to a very attractive
     |:___:|            woman. He gives her a quick glance, then
     [_____]            casually looks at his watch for a moment.
     |:   :|
     |:   :|            The woman notices this and asks, "Is your
     |:   :|            date running late?"
     |:   :|
     |:   :|            "No", he replies, "I just bought this
     |:   :|            state-of-the-art watch and I was just
     |:   :|            testing it."
     |:___:|
     (=___=)            The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-
    /.'12 '.\           art watch? What's so special about it?"
   //       \\
  ||   \     ||         "It uses alpha waves to telepathically
  ||9   .   3||)        talk to me," he explains.
  ||   /     ||
   \\       //          "What's it telling you now?"
    \'._6_.'/
     (=___=)            "Well, it says you're not wearing any
 jgs |:   :|            panties..."
     |:   :|
     |:   :|            The woman giggles and replies, "Well it
     |:   :|            must be broken then because I am wearing
     |:   :|            panties!"
     |:   :|
     |:   :|            The man explains, "Damn thing must be an
     |:   :|            hour fast."
     |:   :|
     |: o :|
     |: o :|
     |: o :|
     |: o :|
     ;'   ';
      \' '/
       \./

     If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend.
        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                                      _:_
                                                     '-.-'
   The Priest and the Rabbi                 ()      __.'.__
                                         .-:--:-.  |_______|
                                  ()      \____/    \=====/
                                  /\      {====}     )___(
                       (\=,      //\\      )__(     /_____\
       __    |'-'-'|  //  .\    (    )    /____\     |   |
      /  \   |_____| (( \_  \    )__(      |  |      |   |
      \__/    |===|   ))  `\_)  /____\     |  |      |   |
     /____\   |   |  (/     \    |  |      |  |      |   |
      |  |    |   |   | _.-'|    |  |      |  |      |   |
      |__|    )___(    )___(    /____\    /____\    /_____\
     (====)  (=====)  (=====)  (======)  (======)  (=======)
     }===={  }====={  }====={  }======{  }======{  }======={
 jgs(______)(_______)(_______)(________)(________)(_________)

Father O'Leary and Rabbi Goldberg played chess each Wednesday in
the park.  The chess game usually included religious discussion and
debate.  This week the discussion turned to religious sins.

Rabbi Goldberg said, "In my religion it is forbidden to eat ham but
I tried it once, just once, before I became a Rabbi."

Not to be outdone, Father O'Leary admitted, "During seminary this
beautiful young girl tempted me and I yielded to the lust of the
flesh and had sex."

Across the chess board, the old Rabbi grinned, and with a chuckle
said, "Better than ham, ain't it?"

        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                           Three Bikers

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's
Angels bikers walked in.  The first walked up to the old man, pushed
his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the
counter.  The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old
man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter.  The third walked
up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took
a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.
Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph,
not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just
backed his truck over three motorcycles."
    _________________________________________
   |                                         | |\
   |                                         | ||
   |                                         |,""---:___
   |                                         ||==  | .-.|
   |                                         ||==  | '-'-----.
   |_________________________________________||    |~  |   -(|
     |_______________________/<  _...==...____|    |   | ___ |
       \\ .-.  .-. //      \|  \//.-.  .-.\\ --------"-"/.-.\_]
        `( o )( o )'        '    ( o )( o )`"""""""""==`( o )
   jgs    '-'  '-'                '-'  '-'               '-'

        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                          .--.              .--.
Bears in bars in Billings Montana        : (\ ". _......_ ." /) :
                                          '.    `        `    .'
                                           /'   _        _   `\
A bear walks into a bar and sits          /     0}      {0     \
down.  He bangs on the bar with his      |       /      \       |
paw and demands a beer.  The             |     /'        `\     |
bartender approaches and says, "We        \   | .  .==.  . |   /
don't serve beer to bears in bars          '._ \.' \__/ './ _.'
in Billings Montana."  The bear,      jgs  /  ``'._-''-_.'``  \
becoming angry, demands again that                 `--`
he be served a beer.  The bartender
tells him "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in
Billings Montana".  The bear, very angry now, says "If you don't
serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of
the bar."  The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve beer to
bellicose belligerent bears in bars in Billings Montana."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman.
He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.  The bartender
says "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bellicose belligerent bears in
bars in Billings Montana that are on drugs."  The bear says "I'm not
on drugs".

The bartender says "You are now, that was a barbitchyouate".

        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                             (\)))/),
                             / (`  \(((,
The Strong Horse             |a  a )  )))),
                             |    /::   ((((,
                             |   / \:   '))))
An out-of-towner drove       \"_/   )     ((((
his car into a ditch in            /      ))))'----"""```"-.__
a desolated area.  Luckily,        ;  :.   (((   .:::.       \))),
a local farmer came to help        |  :'   ))    '::'    ':.  |(((
with his big strong horse          ;                /         |))))
named Buddy.                        \       /       |         ;((((
                                     `\   /`---""""`Y        /  )))
He hitched Buddy up to the car        / /`|          \`.   .'  (((
and yelled, "Pull, Nellie,           / /| |           `\\  <    ))
pull!"  Buddy didn't move.           | || |             \\  \
                                     | `\ |              \\  \
Then the farmer hollered,        jgs  \/ ||              // /
"Pull, Buster, pull!"                  \/_(             //_/
Buddy didn't respond.                  /__/            //__(

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!"  And the
horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious.  He asked the
farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the
only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                                           _     .-.
      John Nunley  -  [email protected]            ( `. .'   )
                                                           `. `   /'
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               ASCII Art by Joan Stark                       |   |
              http://www.ascii-art.com/                      |   |
                                                            /     '.
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 please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art
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