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|__ __| | July 9, 2000
| | | |__ ___ Sunday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
.-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____
( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
| |
| \_,
| | T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
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_...._
.-"` `"-.
Three smiling corpses are lying /.ooO() ()O00.\
in a morgue in Alabama, and a |/ ) ( \|
detective goes into the coroner's |\ _/ \_ /|`\________
to find the causes of death. \ \ \ / / / |ROSCOE|
The coroner points to the first .--'-\__)--(__/-'--.'------'
dead man. | | jgs

"This is Cletus," he says. "He died of shock after winning 20 million
dollars on the lottery."

He then moves on to the second smiling corpse. "This is Bo," the
coroner says with a grin. "He died having oral sex with Trudy-Mae."

Finally he moves on to the last smiling corpse. "This is Roscoe,"
says the coroner. "He died after being struck by lightning."

"Well," asks the detective, "Why in hell was the fool smiling?"

"Oh," says the coroner. "He thought he was having his picture taken."

If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend.
_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
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.---.
/_/ \_\ ,;;;,
A man and woman are having a relationship ( '>') (((( ))
for about 4 months now. One Friday night, \ -/ ('<' )))
they meet at a bar after work. They stay )-(_ \= (((
for a few, then go get some food at a local / `-\'--.)_()))
restaurant near their respective homes. | \ |--./--' \
They eat, then go back to his house and |\ \;_ /\\_ /|
she stays over. |_\___|_/) / /
/ | / / /\
Her story: \ || | ((( |
| || | |
He was in an odd mood when I got to the | || |_____|
bar last night, I thought it might have | || || |
been because I was a bit late, but he jgs |__||_ ||_|
didn't say anything much about it. The (___)_) ((_/Y
conversation was slow going so I thought
we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more
privately. So we went to this restaurant and he is still acting a
bit funny and I am trying to cheer him up and I start to wonder if
it is me or something else. I ask him and he says no. But you know
I am not really sure.
Anyway, in the cab back to his house, I
| say that I love him and he just puts his
\ | arm around me. I don't know what the
\ | hell this means because you know he
___\|____ doesn't say it back or anything. We
|.-------.| finally get back to his place and I am
|| || wondering if he is going to dump me.
|| || So I try to ask him about it but he just
|'-------'| switches on the TV. Reluctantly, I say
__|::::__ooo|__ I am going to go to sleep. Then, after
||-------------|| about 10 minutes, he joins me and we
|| || have sex. But, he still seemed really
||-------------|| distracted, so afterwards I just wanted
||||||||||||||||| to leave. I don't know, I just don't
jgs||=============|| know, what he thinks anymore. I mean,
do you think he's met someone else????
His story:

Lousy day at work, low on funds, and tired. Got some action though.

_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
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, _.._ ,
(`._."` `"._.')
An male elf was so paranoid '._ _.' /\
about the size of his willy | /`-. .-'\ | __ .'.'
that he could never work up |(_()_\/_()_)|' `\ ( (
the courage to have sex. ; ,____, ; \ ) )
Then one day he fell in \ /VvvV\ / \ \.__ / /
love with a elf nurse. /`'._`""`_.' \ \ `\/ /
/ . `--' \ \ /
One fine evening, they / / `-, _.----' \ ;
went back to her place. / / ) / .--------` \
She put on some soft / /.----' / / ___. \
music and led him into / /| _ _,| (---' \ |
the bedroom. Totally / / | \`""` \\\\ \ |
mortified, he told / /` | | \\\` \ \
her of his problem. / / ; | / /
/ / _ \ / /` /`
"Don't worry," / _\/( | | / .'_
She said. | ( \ '--' \ .' (__)`\
"I'm a nurse. \\\\ `-------' jgs /________.'
I won't laugh." `\\\

Blushing the man drops his trousers. "It's OK," she said. "I've seen
lots smaller than that."

"Really?" the relieved elf asked.

She nodded. "Yes," she chuckled, "I used to work in the maternity
unit."
_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
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A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition
going, everyone got pissed and the bride's and groom's families had
a storming rage and begin wrecking the reception room and generally
kicking the crap out of each other.

The police get called in to break up the fight.

The following week, all members of both families appear in court.
The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings
calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court."

The court room goes silent and Paddy (the best man) stands up and
says, "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should
explain what happened."

The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his
explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan
wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride.

The judge says "OK." .--.
.''; |.-.
"Well", said Paddy, "After I had finished | | | |
the first dance, the music kept going, so | | | |
I continued dancing to the second song, and | | | |
after that the music kept going and I was | | | |_
dancing to the third song... when all of a | | _| / `,
sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran } /``) / /
towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful |`/ /:__/ \
kick in her privates." |/ / |
( '\ |
The Judge instantly responded... \ `. /
"Wow.. that must have hurt!" | |
jgs | |
Paddy replies "HURT !?..
He broke *three* of my fingers!"
_ _
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(_.===============================================._)

_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
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