_______ _
                      |__   __| |                       June 23, 2000
                         | |  | |__   ___                      Friday
                         | |  | '_ \ / _ \
 .-.     _     ______    | |  | | | |  __/    ____
(   `. .' )   |  ____|   |_|  |_| |_|\___|   |  _ \
 `\   ` .'    | |__ _   _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |_) | ___  _ __   ___
   |   |      |  __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | |  _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
   |   |      | |  | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | |  __/
   | 66|_     |_|   \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
   |  ,__)                             __/ |
   |(,_|                              |___/           ISSN: 1527-6163
   | |
   | \_,               T H E    S U N D A Y    F U N N I E S
   |   |
   |   |                    F R I D A Y    E D I T I O N
 .'     \
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       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                                      ,{{}}},
Three women who work in the same office               {{/ \}}
notice that their female boss has started            }}}~.~{{{
leaving work early every day, so one day             {{\ - /}}
they decide that after she leaves, they'll           }}})-({{{
take off early, too.  After all, she never          /{{  V  ((\
calls or comes back, so how is she to know?        / (       ) \
                                                  / /`\-   -/`\ \
The brunette is thrilled to get home early.       \ \  )   (  / /
She does a little gardening, watches a             `\\/     \//`
movie and then goes to bed early.                   (/_._._._\)
                                                     |       |
The redhead is elated to be able to get in           |       |
a quick workout at her health club before            |       |
meeting a dinner date.                               |       |
                                                     |_ _ _ _|
The blonde is also very happy to be           jgs     |/   \|
home early, but as she goes upstairs                 / \   / \
she hears noises coming from her bedroom.            `-'   '-`
She quietly opens the door a crack and is
mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!   Ever so gently,
she closes the door and creeps out of her house.

The next day the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again,
but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she
exclaims,  "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"

     If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend.
        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)


                                                   /         \
The Naughty Nighty                                /|         |\
                                                 | '.       .' |
                                                 |   '-._.-'   |
The wife approaches her husband wearing          \     / \     /
the exact same, sexy little negligee she          ;---'   '---;
wore on their wedding night.  She looks            \         /
at her husband and says, "Honey, do you             )       (
remember this?"                                   /`         `\
                                                 /             \
He looks up at her and replies,             jgs |               |
"Yes dear, I do, you wore that same             ('-._       _.-')
negligee the night we were married."            `-._ '-._.-' _.-'
                                                    '-./ \.-'
"That's right." she replied, "And do you
remember what you said to me that night?"

He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what was it?"

He responds, "Well honey, as I remember, I said, "Ohhhhhhh, Baby, I'm
going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains
out!"

She giggles and says, "Yes, that was it.  That was exactly what you
said.  And now it's 50 years later, I'm in the same negligee I wore
that night.  What do you have to say tonight?"

Again, he looks up at her and looks her up and down and says,
"Mission Accomplished."

        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about
his skills as a hunter.  The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no
one could dispute that.  But then he said that they could blindfold
him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he
could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber
rifle was used to shoot it.

This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated
argument was going on.  Then the hunter said that he was willing to
prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on.

They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal
skin.  After feeling it for a few moments, he announced,
"Springbok."  Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "And
shot with a .22 rifle."
                                            .-"```""--.._       _
The others could not                      .'             '.    /_\
believe it (he was             __     _.-'                 `\.'
right of course) and          '-.`'--'            __...      \
the argument was even         `-/      .--.    .-'     `\     |
hotter than before.             |e   .'  / \  /         /     |
                               /   ,'   / /`| |`-.....-/     /
When some started to           `-'`    / /  | |       |    .'
suggest that he must have             ( |   | |       \\  \
peeped, he said that he was            \ \  ( )        \'. '.
prepared to do it  again.  He           \ \ | |         // /
would put up all the drinks they         \/\| |        // /
had bought before against them      jgs   \||_|       ||_|
buying another round for him.               |_/       \/\_\

So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they
brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his
car.  He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion,"
and fingering the bullet hole, said, "and the rifle was a .308" and
he was right again.

This of course was like throwing fat on the fire, and he had to prove
his skills, over and over again, every time against a round of
drinks.  Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went
to sleep.

The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell
of a shiner.  So he said to his wife, "Listen I know I was drunk last

night, but not too drunk to know that I did not fight anyone in that
bar.  So where did I get this black eye?"

And his wife replied angrily, "From me, of course!"

"But what did I do?" he asked.

She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand down inside my
panties.  Then you fiddled around a bit and announced in a loud
triumphant tone, "Skunk, killed with an ax!"

        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                                     .-""-,
I have just been through the annual                 ;--.   \
pilgrimage of torture and humiliation             _/oo==\===|
known as buying a bathing suit.  When            (_ ___, \  |
I was a child, the bathing suit for                \\_/  / /
the woman with a mature figure was                  `--'\\`
designed for a woman with a mature                     /U/`--.
figure.  Boned, trussed, and reinforced,              ///,____)
those swim suits were not so much sewn as            /// //  /
engineered.  They were built to hold back           ''  // <`
and uplift and they did a darn good job.                \`\ \
                                                       _/_/__\_
Today, stretch-fabric bathing suits are               \        |
designed for the prepubescent girl                    ===   4  '--.
with a figure chipped out of marble.                    \         |
The woman with a mature figure has           ~^~^~^~^~^~[_________|
little choice. She can either front           ~^~^~^~^~^///////////
up at the maternity wear department         ~^~^~^~^~^~^//////jgs//
and try on a floral costume with a skirt
and come away looking like a hippopotamus that has escaped from
Fantasia - or she can wander around any run-of-the-mill bathing
costume departments and try to make a sensible choice from what
amounts to a designer range of fluoro rubber  bands.

     .---.          What choice did I have?  I wandered around.  I
    (_,/\ \         made my choice and disappeared in to the small
   (`a a(  )        chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.
   ) \=  ) (
  (.--' '--.)       The first thing I noticed about the bathing suit
  / (_)^(_) \       was the extraordinary tensile strength of the
 | / \   / \ |      stretch material. The lycra that goes into
  \\ / . \ //       bathing suits was developed, I believe, by NASA
   \/\___/\/        to launch small rockets by a sling shot.  And it
   |  \_/  |        comes with the bonus that as long as you can
    \  /  /         lever your body into a lycra suit, you can
     \/  /          protect your vital organs from shark attack; the
      ( (           reason being that any shark foolish enough to
      |\ \          take a swipe at your passing midriff would
jgs   | \ \         immediately suffer from jaw whiplash injury.
     /_Y/_Y
                    I fought my way into the first suit but as I
twanged the last shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror.  My
bosom had disappeared. I found one cowering under my left armpit.  It
took a little longer to find the other - flattened beside my 7th
rib.  The problem is" today's suits don't have  bra cups.

The mature woman is meant to wear her bosom spread across her chest
like a speed hump.  I realigned my speed hump and turned to the
mirror to make a full-view assessment. The suit fit all right.
Unfortunately it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it.
The rest of me oozed out of the top, bottom, and sides. I looked like
a lump of playdough wearing an undersized piece of cling wrap.  As I
tried to work out where all these extra bits of me had come from, the
sales girl poked her head around the curtain. "Oh, there y'all are,"
she gasped.

"Yes, they are ALL me,"  I replied, looking at the extra bits. "What
else have you got?"

I tried on a crinkled cream one which made me look like designer
tape.  I tried on a floral two-piece which made me look like an
oversized napkin in a napkin ring. I struggled into one of leopard
skin with a ragged frill and ended up looking like Tarzan on an off
day.  I donned a black one with a net
midriff and looked like a jellyfish in               .---.
mourning, and I tried on a pink one                 / .-. \
whose legs were so high cut I would have            \=@-@=/
needed to wax my eyebrows to wear it!                ( - )
                                                     _) (_
Finally - success.  I found the one that fit.      .')\_/('.
A two piece with a short style bottom and         /,(_USA_),\
halter neck top. It was cheap, comfortable,       \\ \   / //
and bulge friendly.                                \\/   \//
                                                   (/-._.-\)
I bought it. When I got home I read the             |  T  |
label: "Material may become transparent in          |  |  |
water." I am determined to wear it. I just          \  |  /
have to learn how to do the breaststroke on          \ | /
dry land.                                             )|(
                                                     /u|u\
                                                jgs /  |  \
                                                   /-,-|-,-\
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                                           _     .-.
      John Nunley  -  [email protected]            ( `. .'   )
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