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|__ __| | May 24, 2000
| | | |__ ___ Wednesday
| | | '_ \ / _ \
.-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____
( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \
`\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___
| | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
| | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/
| 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
| ,__) __/ |
|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
| |
| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
| |
| | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N
.' \
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_..._
.~ `~.
,_ / }
,_\'--, \ _.'`~~/
\'--,_`{_,} -(
'.`-.`\;--,___.'_
'._`/ |_ _{@}
/ ` |-';/ _
/ \ / | _ {@}_
/ '--;_ _ {@} _Y{@}
_\ `\ {@}\Y/_{@} Y/
/ |`-.___. / \Y/\|{@}Y/\|//
^^^jgs^^^`--`------'`--`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A Prayer for the Stressed

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage
to change the things I cannot accept and the wisdom to hide the
evidence
that I have been using company property for personal purposes,
including
circulating my resume, searching for more rewarding and satisfying
work.

Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be
connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work....12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday,
40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Fridays.

Help me to remember.....when I'm having a really bad day and it seems
that people are working on my last Good Nerve, that it takes 42 muscles
to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite
me.

If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend.
_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

A Clown College Reunion was planned aboard a luxurious yacht in the
South Pacific. Everyone was having a wonderful time squirting each
other
with fake daisies and wearing red noses instead of zinc when their ship
struck a coral reef and sunk. Pandemonium followed as multitudes of
clowns made it for the life boats as they said farewell to their yacht.

As luck would have it, they sighted an island in the distance. Paddling
like crazy and throwing rubber chickens to the sharks that pursued
them,
the ship full of clowns finally made it ashore safely, only to notice a
"greeting committee" of island natives. Cannibalistic island natives.

From the frying pan into the fire, literally, the shipload of clowns
were shortly dispatched.

The cannibals, however, were rather disappointed. They were heard to
comment: ... "They tasted funny."

.-. \\\V/// \\\W/// .-.
(0.0) //6 6\\ ( //9 9\\ (0.0)
{=} // =c= \\ ) ) // = \\ {=}
T___.-`~@~`-. __(_______ .-`~&~`-.___T
(3----|' '|\\ (__________) //|' '|----8)
| \__.__/// ) ( \\\__.__/ |
| /=[_]=\/ / \ \/=[_]=\ |
| / / \ \ ___| |___ / / \ \ |
| \ \ / / ()__\___ __ __/__() \ \ / / |
jgs | (___\ /___) .`/```||```\`. (___\ /___) |
()/ () \()

_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
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.---.
In the news: ___ /_____\
/\.-`( '.' )
/ / \_-_/_
ROME (Reuters) -- An Italian soldier who lost \ `-.-"`'V'//-.
his wallet in France during World War II has `.__, |// , \
been told it has just been found, ANSA news |Ll //Ll|\ \
agency reported Tuesday. |__// | \_\
/---|[]==| / /
Giuseppe Fuggi, a 78-year-old Roman, dropped the \__/ | \/\/
wallet during service in the southern resort of /_ | Ll_\|
Saint Tropez in the winter of 1942-43. |`^"""^`|
| | |
What Reuters does not say is that the wallet was | | |
in a pocket of the pants of Mr. Fuggi who was | | |
visiting Madame LaFlouze Boucher. However, Mr. | | |
Boucher came home earlier than expected and Mr. L___l___J
Fuggi had to make a dash for it, leaving his jgs |_ | _|
pants behind. The pants were kept hidden by (___|___)
Mrs. Boucher, until the recent death of her ^^^ ^^^
husband when she brought the wallet to the French Police and kept the
pants as a memento of a torrid - albeit interrupted - event.

_ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)

Professor Crushbottom
__
.' `'.
A window salesman phoned professor Crushbottom. / _ |
"Hello, Mr Professor," said the sales rep. #_/.\==/.\
"I'm calling because our company replaced all (, \_/ \\_/
the windows in your house with our triple-glazed | -' |
weather-tight windows over a year ago, and you ,\ = / /|
still haven't sent us a single payment." .-'|`-. __.' / |
Professor Crushbottom replied, "But didn't you / | `-.__.' .-\
say they'd pay for THEMSELVES in 12 months!?" /-. | | { _/
\_ } | | `|
':. | | | |
[]_____ Two professors '. | | .'
/\ \ were well into jgs '-.| |.'
___/ \__/\__\__ their cups at their `"
---/\___\ |''''''|__\-- --- favorite watering hole,
||'''| |''||''|''| when one spotted movement along the top
jgs``"""`"`""))""`""` of the bar.

"Whazz that ?" asked professor Crushbottom. "A bug?" _V_
/___\
"Izz a Ladybug," his younger colleague replied. | | |
\o | o/
"Sheesh," professor Crushbottom gushed, "you got good jgs '-.-'
eyesight !"

Though she tried to please her husband, Mrs professor Crushbottom
seemed
to fail regularly. Most often it was at breakfast. If she scrambled
the
eggs, he wanted poached. If she poached them, he wanted them scrambled.
There was just no pleasing him.....

One morning she decided to poach one and scramble the other, and waited
for his approval. Glancing at his plate, the professor Crushbottom
snorted,"You've scrambled the wrong egg!"

When the old professor Crushbottom was a young man, he decided it was
time for him to get married... only trouble was, he was dating two
ladies. One was absolutely beautiful with an absolutely great body.
But although she was a rather bright girl, she didn't really have many
physical processions, and lived in the rather shady part of town.

The other was ugly as sin, didn't really have a nice body, not smart at
all, but oh, OH! She was very, very rich! The young professor
Crushbottom asked his best friend for advice.
,.,.,.,,
His friend advised him to marry the rich ugly girl, ;^. ;^.
and said when they got ready to have sex he could | |^^^^^^|
just put a sack over his new wife's head. | | |
| | |
After they married, the couple had a wonderful | | |
honeymoon in Europe... of course, she paid for jgs '.| |
everything. Upon their return, they bought a `------`
beautiful mansion. professor Crushbottom noticed
a loose board, and while his new bride watched, he attempted to nail it
down. He missed the nail and hit his finger, and yelled, "F#ck!"

Mrs. professor Crushbottom left the room muttering, "Go get the sack...
Go get the sack..."
_ _
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_ .-.
John Nunley - [email protected] ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
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For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)|
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ASCII Art by Joan Stark | |
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/ '.
Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , )
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ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark
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