_______ _
                      |__   __| |                        May 17, 2000
                         | |  | |__   ___                   Wednesday
                         | |  | '_ \ / _ \
 .-.     _     ______    | |  | | | |  __/    ____
(   `. .' )   |  ____|   |_|  |_| |_|\___|   |  _ \
 `\   ` .'    | |__ _   _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |_) | ___  _ __   ___
   |   |      |  __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | |  _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
   |   |      | |  | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | |  __/
   | 66|_     |_|   \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
   |  ,__)                             __/ |
   |(,_|                              |___/           ISSN: 1527-6163
   | |
   | \_,               T H E    S U N D A Y    F U N N I E S
   |   |
   |   |                  M I D W E E K    E D I T I O N
 .'     \
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       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

         %%%%%
        %%\__/%
       %%%%"""%
       %%  ^\^%                       I am reminded of the English
        %\ _=/                .       manor, where the mistress had
        _.'_(               .::       just hired a new house maid,
    .'`\     `._    _   _..::::'      an Irish lass, straight out
   /    '._  .' \ =/ (=(:]::::::.     of the country.
   \__./__.``_/_/ / /     ':::;:.
   / / )    / \ \/ /       '::.       The first day she was dusting
  / /.'`-._(   \  /          '.       in the Smoking room where the
 / /'      `\   ``                    Master of the house sat
/.(          \          reading.  On the mantel, she saw and dusted
\_(`";-..___  \         a small bowl containing a couple of small
     |=*==||```         round white balls.  She, being curious and
      \   ||            not bashful, asked, "What are these?"
       \  ||
        ) ))            He looked up, saw where she was pointing,
       /  ||            and answered, "Golf balls."
       \  ||
        )_||            She said, "OH!", and went on dusting.
    jgs(  \\\
        Y\__\\          A few days later, she was dusting again in
                        the same room, where the master was again
reading.  Again, in the same bowl were small white balls, only now
there were four.  She said, "I see you shot another Golf."

        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                      Dating Tips For Women

The Franklin Factor:
     Early to bed and early to rise,
     means it's time to meet more guys.

The Rat Race:
     If there's one rat in a room full of nice men,
     he'll hit on you first.

The Eyeglass Prescription:                /\              /\
     Don't wear your glasses on          //\\            //\\
     a blind date.                      ((  \\          ((  \\
     You'll look better, and he will         \\              \\
     too.                                     \\_____.---.____\\
                                              //   `\ /^\ /   `\\
The Ring Rule:                                \\____//   \\____//
     A watched telephone never rings.     jgs  '----'     '----'

The Creep Call:
     Never pick up the phone on Saturday night.
     It's a call from a creep you told you were busy.

The Fishing Forecast:
     They say there are lots of good fish in the sea.
     But who wants to go out with a fish?

The Psychological Prognosis:
     Love is a form of temporary insanity
     curable only by marriage.

-._.-"""-.-"""-..-"""-.-"""-.-"""-.-"""-.-"""-.-"""-._.-"-'
=. _'.    '.    '.     '.    '.    '.    '.    '.    '. -'_
-'.-. \     \     \      \     \     \     \     \     \'-_.
.-'-__.'.___.'.___.'.____.'.___.'.___.'.___.'.___.'.___.'._-.
 .-'
The Rope Trick:
     Give a man enough rope
     and he'll lasso another woman.

Mind Over Matter:
     No one ever falls in love with another person's
     mind at a cocktail party.

The Fault Finder:
     The faster way to discover all your bad habits
     is to move in with your lover.

The Unintended Result:
     1) Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy.
     2) Women's desire for intimacy often results in sex.

The Rabbit Rule:                           \\
     Only newlyweds and liars make          \\_   \\
     love every day.                         (')   \\_
                                     jgs    / )=.---(')
The Dangle Doctrine:                      o( )o( )_-\_
     You can't keep a good man down.

Twain's Truth:
     Familiarity breeds children.

The Fertility Factor:
     Women are only fertile a few days each month...
     unless they're single.

The Preparation Predicament:
     The longer you spend in the bathroom preparing for sex,
     the more likely he's fallen asleep by the time you're ready.

        _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)
                    Is your office boring?

Here are some tips for a better day            .~~^~^~^~^~^~^~~~.
at the office...                              (  Boy this thing  )
                                               (    is slow.    )
*  Form a detective agency to find out          `~u~u~u~u~u~u~~'
   who is quitting next.                        O             O
*  Have work breaks in between tea.            O               O
*  Count your fingers (and toes if you          o             o
   get bored).                                   ` .     _ . '
*  Improve your typing speed. (type more            ~0  (_|
   e-mails!)                                       |(_~|^~~|
*  Meditate.                                       TT/_ T"T
*  Crib.                                    jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
*  Crib some more.
*  Rearrange the furniture, i.e.. flick someone else chair just to
   irritate him/her.
*  Send mails from ms-mail to your internet mail (and immediately
   run to internet room and see who reaches first, you or your mail?)
   and read them there..and note down the time they take to reach
   there.
*  Watch other people changing their facial expressions while working
   and try changing your expressions also..
*  Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by
   asking silly doubts.
*  Make blank calls to your PM.
*  Have a two hour lunch, its a big social occasion.
*  Read jokes and send jokes.
*  Revise last weeks newspaper.
*  Sing in sync with the carpenters hammering.
*  Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
*  Follow the amoebae that floats in front of your eyes.
*  Try reformatting the mainframe DASD.
*  Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
*  Compile "How to waste your day"
*  Pick up phone and dial non existing numbers.
*  Make faces at strangers in office.
*  Make faces at your friends in office.
*  Open other people's computers on network and try cracking their
   passwords.
*  Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at a time.
*  For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore
   them..  Then repeat this process.
*  Look at someone & try to imagine how (s)he might have looked when
   (s)he was five years old.
*  Plan to take bath. Learn to whistle.
*  Make croaking noises, barking noises.
*  And if you are still getting bored, make full use of the
   comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.
*  Think all of this over!
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                                           _     .-.
      John Nunley  -  [email protected]            ( `. .'   )
                                                           `. `   /'
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               ASCII Art by Joan Stark                       |   |
              http://www.ascii-art.com/                      |   |
                                                            /     '.
Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved.   (   ,    )
                                                            '-' '--'
     ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark
 please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art
      http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm

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