_______ _
                      |__   __| |                   February 13, 2000
                         | |  | |__   ___                      Sunday
                         | |  | '_ \ / _ \
 .-.     _     ______    | |  | | | |  __/    ____
(   `. .' )   |  ____|   |_|  |_| |_|\___|   |  _ \
 `\   ` .'    | |__ _   _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |_) | ___  _ __   ___
   |   |      |  __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | |  _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
   |   |      | |  | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | |  __/
   | 66|_     |_|   \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
   |  ,__)                             __/ |
   |(,_|                              |___/           ISSN: 1527-6163
   | |
   | \_,
   |   |               T H E    S U N D A Y    F U N N I E S
   |   |
 .'     \
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        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)
                                          _               _
                                        .'_`\           .' `\
Soon after our last child left home    (_( \ \         (_( \ \
for college, my husband was resting         \ \             \ \
next to me on the couch with his      jgs    \ \ ____________\ \
head in my lap.  I carefully                  \.'====. = .===='.\
removed his glasses.                          ((      ) (      ))
                                               \\____//^\\____//
"You know, honey," I said sweetly,              '----'   '----'
"Without your glasses you look like
the same handsome young man I married."

"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look
pretty good too!"
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)
                ,
            ,\|// /,
          _|="=\="=./_,
         ,//"\-/\"\= //_,      Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian,
        ,\/=/,"=/ /"=`///.     known for his wry humor.  He surpassed
  jgs ,\//="\'-.\"//-c_ a\     himself one summer day when a city dog
,\\_\=_\/=\"/,)_-"\\\_=___)    was brought to him after an encounter
 `/-/=//,-'`--)))`--)))        with a porcupine.

After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he
returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.

"Thirty dollars, Ma'am," he answered.

"Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed.  "That's what's wrong
with you Maine people, you're always trying to over charge summer
visitors.  Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being
gypped here?"

"Raise porcupines, Ma'am."
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

A man walked into the drug store and shyly asked the pretty girl
behind the counter if he could buy some condoms.  Seeing his
discomfort, the girl decided to have some fun.  She asked what size
he needed.

He said he didn't really know.

So the girl said they come in three sizes, and that there were three
holes in the fence outside that they used for sizing tests.  He
should go outside and put his tool to the test.  When he went
outside, the girl sneaked around the fence.

When he put his tool through the first hole, she caught him and gave
him a hand-job.  When he put his tool in the second hole, she gave
him a blow job.  When he put his tool in the third hole, she had her
pants down and she took him inside herself.

When he was finished, the girl ran around the front.  He walked up
and she asked, "So, what size do you need?"  He answered, "I've
decided not to buy any condoms; but I do want 8 feet of that fence!"

            _/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_
            |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
            |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
            |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
            |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
            jgs|  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

The blind daters had really hit it off and at the end of the evening
as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the
fellow said,

"Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me - do you have any
special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?"

"As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot
fetish.  But I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."
         _________________________________________________
        |':'|':'|':'|':'|':'|':'|':'|':'|':'|':'|':'|':'|'|
        |   1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9  10   11  12|
        |                                                 |
        |_________________________________________________|jgs
        ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                                  .-"""""-.
          Any Position...                        / _____/\_\
                                                //`__   __ \\
Job Applicant: "I'm looking for a job          //  (o) (o)  \\
as a consultant."                             (_    (___)    _)
                                                \  \_____/  /
Employer: "I'm sorry, we already have            `-._   _.-'
enough consultants."                             __.-)_(-,__
                                              ./'/   |_|   \`\.
Applicant: "That's ok, with my          jgs  /   `""""""""""`  \
experience, I can be an advisor."

Employer: "More than we can use already."

Applicant: As he is getting desperate, "I'm not proud, I can do
paperwork, I'll be a clerk,  If you have too many, I'll start as a
janitor."

Employer: "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for
person with your qualifications."

Applicant: As he stands up and angrily yells, "To work for you I'd
have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!"

Employer: "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a seat,
we may have an opening."
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

Eddie The Egg...

Last night, Eddie the Egg was arrested by police and taken to
headquarters for questioning.  He's considered to be the prime
suspect in the brutal beating of another egg at the farmer's market.

The other egg is expected to live, but he's in a coma as his brains
have been irreversibly scrambled.  At headquarters, the police could
not get a confession out of Eddie.  They tried putting him in a chair
under a hot light.  All they accomplished was getting Eddie really
boiled-up and rolling all over the place.
                                                      ,
The police had to put him into a straight-    |\   /\/ \/|   ,_
jacket to contain him.  Yet, Eddie            ; \/`     '; , \_',
continued to roll all over the place.  The     \        /
police pulled the straps of the jacket          '.    .'    /`.
tighter.  Finally, Eddie confessed...he           `~~` , /\ `"`
"cracked" under the pressure.                         .  `"     jgs
        _                                                 _
       (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
       (_.===============================================._)

                                                           _     .-.
      John Nunley  -  [email protected]            ( `. .'   )
                                                           `. `   /'
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               ASCII Art by Joan Stark                       |   |
              http://www.ascii-art.com/                      |   |
                                                            /     '.
Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved.   (   ,    )
                                                            '-' '--'
     ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark
 please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art
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