var storyContent = ?{"inkVersion":13,"root":[[[{"->":"cover_page"},null],"\n","\n","\n","\n","\n","\n","\n","\n","\n",null],"done",{"cover_page":[["^<h1>ASH</h1>","\n","^<h4>By Lee Grey<h4>","\n",{"->":".^.^.cover_page_options"},null],{"cover_page_options":[[["ev","str","^<div style=\"font-size:150%;padding-top:1em;display:block;\">Begin</div>","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":4},{"c":[{"->":"first_days"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^<i style=\"font-size:75%;padding-top:3em;display:block;\">Content Warning</i>","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"content_warning"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^<i style=\"font-size:75%;display:block;\">Thanks</i>","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"thanks"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":3}],"#f":3}],"first_days":[["^<h2>Chapter 1</h2>","\n","^My Mother has already been lying in the emergency room all day by the time I reach her. She is in a lot of pain, but she is relieved that someone is going to look after her now.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.4.$r1"},{"temp
=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She is bored",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.4.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ of staring at the curtain, and tells small stories about the other sick and injured people who have passed through.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.5.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She is strangely calm",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.5.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^, staring at the ceiling, in spite of the pain.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.6.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She has been alone",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.6.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":
"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ for weeks, keeping her sickness quiet while I have been out in the world, living my busy life..","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":["^She is already convinced she has cancer.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.g-0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I reassure her",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.g-0.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^.","\n","^\"Don't be ridiculous,\" I say. \"It's just an infection or something. You're just anxious.\"","\n","^\"I don't know,\" she says. \"We'll see.\"","\n",{"->":"first_days.she_wants_to_make_me_feel_better"},{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.g-0.3.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I try to raise her spirits",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.g-0.3.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"
$r2"}],"\n","<>","^.","\n","^\"You're going to be perfectly fine. I predict that in one week you'll be back in your garden, pulling weeds.\"","\n","^\"Or pushing up daisies,\" she says.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":[["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.g-0.g-1.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She grimaces with pain",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. I feel helpless. I put my hand on her forehead and stroke her hair, just as she used to do when I was a child. She was the one who taught me how to comfort.","\n","^Eventually her eyes clear and she looks up at me.","\n",{"->":"first_days.she_wants_to_make_me_feel_better"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_days.0.g-0.g-1.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She grips my hand",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":
"first_days.0.g-0.g-1.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ tightly, closing her eyes. I stroke her arm. Grown man that I am, I have become unused to touching my mother so affectionately.","\n","^After a minute she feels a little better.","\n",{"->":"first_days.she_wants_to_make_me_feel_better"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"she_wants_to_make_me_feel_better":[[["ev","str","^Even now","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I can tell she wants to make me feel better, even now.","\n","^To lighten the mood, she recites a poem she composed earlier in the week.","\n","^ <i>The purpose of a pig is</i>","\n","^ <i>to make a great ham.</i>","\n","^ <i>The purpose of a man is</i>","\n","^ <i>I AM</i>","\n","^This makes us both laugh.","\n",{"->":"first_days.waiting_2"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":3}],"waiting_2":[[["ev","str","^Pitiful sounds nearby...","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":2
0},{"c":[{"->":"first_days.elderly_woman_broken_hip"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_days.waiting_2.0.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^...","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^I can't believe",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.waiting_2.0.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ a week ago she was writing poems.","\n",{"->":"first_days.elderly_woman_broken_hip.0.hallucinating"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":3}],"elderly_woman_broken_hip":[["^An elderly woman with a broken hip makes small pitiful sounds beyond the curtain.","\n","^My mother's experience of pain is entirely different. She is ever stoic. It doesn't matter what she is going through.","\n",[["ev","str","^\"I've been hallucinating.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^\"I've been hallucinating for the last couple of weeks,\" she says casually. \"I don't know if that means anything...\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"first_days.elderly_woman_broken_hi
p.0.hallucinating.0.c.2.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"What!?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.elderly_woman_broken_hip.0.hallucinating.0.c.2.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_days.elderly_woman_broken_hip.0.hallucinating.0.c.2.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"What kind of hallucinations?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.elderly_woman_broken_hip.0.hallucinating.0.c.2.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7,"#n":"hallucinating"}],null],{"#f":3}],"seeing_two_dogs":[["^\"I keep seeing two dogs.\"","\n","^She closes her eyes to examine her inner projection screen.","\n","^\"There are other animals... There's a baby. A s
mall child. An old tree, with branches bent over by the wind.\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.6.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"How bad are these hallucinations?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.6.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"Oh, they aren't bad.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.6.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Is the child me?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.6.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"No, I don't think so. I don't know who it is.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"g-0":["<>","^ She opens her eyes again. \"They're sort of comforting, really.\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.3.0.$r1"
},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Well, that's good I suppose.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.3.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.wrote_you_a_letter"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.3.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Still, it means something is going on.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.3.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.wrote_you_a_letter"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.3.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Have you told the doctors about it?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.3.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},
{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"Not yet. I don't know if they would be interested.\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.3.2.c.9.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I'm sure they would be!\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.3.2.c.9.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^.wrote_you_a_letter"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.3.2.c.9.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Make sure you tell them!\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.3.2.c.9.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"I'll tell them when they ask.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^.wrote_you_a_letter"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],null],{"wrote_you_a_letter":["^She looks at me and purses her lips for a
moment.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.wrote_you_a_letter.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"I wrote you a letter",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.wrote_you_a_letter.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"^,\" she says.","\n","\n","<>","^\"It just says...\"","\n",[["ev","str","^\"...well...\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^\"...well..., it just says how much I love you.\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.wrote_you_a_letter.2.c.12.0.c.2.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I love you too.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.wrote_you_a_letter.2.c.12.0.c.2.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_da
ys.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.wrote_you_a_letter.2.c.12.0.c.2.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Come on, now.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.wrote_you_a_letter.2.c.12.0.c.2.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.wrote_you_a_letter.2.c.12.0.c.2.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Don't be so serious.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.seeing_two_dogs.0.g-0.wrote_you_a_letter.2.c.12.0.c.2.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":[{"->":"first_days.you_should_go"},{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"you_should_go":[[["ev",{"^->":"first_days.you_should_go.0.0.$r1"},{"temp=":
"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"You should go",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.you_should_go.0.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^,\" she says.","\n",[["ev","str","^\"I'm not going.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^\"I'm not going,\" I say. \"Don't be crazy.\"","\n","^\"I don't want you to be tired at work tomorrow.\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"first_days.you_should_go.0.0.c.10.0.c.4.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"That's ridiculous.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.you_should_go.0.0.c.10.0.c.4.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"first_days.you_should_go.0.0.c.10.0.c.4.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},
{"s":["^\"It doesn't matter",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"first_days.you_should_go.0.0.c.10.0.c.4.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ if I'm tired.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":["^\"Well, I'm glad you're here.\"","\n","^We wait and wait.","\n",["ev","str","^Pain","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^She has waves of pain that cause her to retreat into a far away place in her mind. Then she returns and we make small talk.","\n",{"->":"move_to_a_room"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"#f":3}],"move_to_a_room":[["^Late at night they move her out of the emergency department and into her own room. She looks very tired.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"I can't sleep",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},
{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^,\" she says. \"But I can close my eyes.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.3.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"I'm sick of this",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.3.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^,\" she says. \"I've been in pain for so long. I just can't be bothered any more.\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.3.c.10.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"Well, you have to",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.3.c.10.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"<>","\n","\n","<>","^, don't you?\"","\n","^\"Yes, I suppose I do.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.3.c.10.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->
":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"You'll be better soon, I promise.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.3.c.10.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^She has nothing to say about that.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":["^She shuts her mouth and eyes tightly.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.g-0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"You should go",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.g-0.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ now,\" she says. \"I want to rest.\"","\n","^After a while I give her a long hug and go home for the night.","\n",[["ev","str","^In the car","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I take a minute in the car park to sit in silence. I have no idea what is going to happen.","\n",[["ev","str","^Cut","/str","
/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I surgically remove all the bad futures from my thoughts, and drop them out of my car window. They fall to the ground with a splat and I start the car.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Bury","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I make a parting in a dark space near the back of my head, and hide all the possible bad futures inside.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^The stress","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I can handle the stress.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.g-0.2.c.12.1.c.2.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^Of course I can.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.g-0.2.c.12.1.c.2.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.g-0.2.c.12.1.c.2.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"}
,[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^Everything is going to be fine.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"move_to_a_room.0.g-0.2.c.12.1.c.2.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":["^I drive home. Everything in the streets seems very clear and bright.","\n",["ev","str","^Sleep","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":[{"->":"day_1"},{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"day_1":[["^I go to work the next day. I make a few phone calls. She is going to have some x-rays and scans today.","\n",{"->":".^.^.scan_options"},null],{"scan_options":[[["ev",{"^->":"day_1.scan_options.0.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She hates that kind of thing.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.scan_options.0.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":
"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ She has a phobia of needles. She won't be happy.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"day_1.scan_options.0.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^At least we will know what's going on.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.scan_options.0.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^I try to project myself into a future where everything is fine. A few extra-strength antibiotics, and she'll be back to normal.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^"},{"#f":7}]}],[{"*":".^.c","flg":24},{"c":[{"->":"day_1.day1_visit"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":3}],"day1_visit":[["^I go to visit her after work. They have moved her again, to a shared room, where she lies behind a curtain.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"day_1.day1_visit.0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She seems very spaced out.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.day1_visit.
0.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"day_1.day1_visit.0.3.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^Her eyes",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.day1_visit.0.3.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ are half closed. I can tell she has been having a hard time.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":["<>","^ It is a struggle for her to wake up. I think she is hiding away from the pain by going inside herself.","\n",{"->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"messed_up_the_scan":[["^\"They messed up the scan,\" she says.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"How?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}]
,"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.3.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Messed it up?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.3.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":["^\"They tried to inject me with some special dye. They couldn't find a good vein, and it just dripped down my arm, and the scan didn't work.\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.g-0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"So, what...",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.g-0.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ are they going to do it again?\"","\n","^\"I suppose so,\" she says.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.g-0.3.$r1"},
{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"What the hell",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.g-0.3.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^, why didn't they do another injection?\"","\n","^She looks a little sheepish. I know she hates injections. She was probably giving them a hard time.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":["^\"Well, they had better get it right next time.\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.g-0.g-1.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"You should go",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.g-0.g-1.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^,\" she says.","\n","^\"What? I just got here.\"","\n","^\"I'm tired,\" she says. \"I Love you.\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0
g-0.g-1.2.c.14.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I love you too.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.g-0.g-1.2.c.14.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.g-0.g-1.2.c.14.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"Nothing bad is going to happen",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.g-0.g-1.2.c.14.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^,\" I assure her.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":["^I sit while she rests. A nurse tells me that a doctor wants to talk to me. He will come by in a while.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str",
"str","^...","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^After an hour",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.messed_up_the_scan.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ the doctor comes in and tells me they had trouble with the scan.","\n","^\"We want to do a small exploratory operation tomorrow,\" he says. \"The scan was very unclear... but there's something going on, and we need to take a look.\"","\n",{"->":"day_1.doc_operation_options"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"doc_operation_options":[[[["ev",{"^->":"day_1.doc_operation_options.0.0.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"What can you tell me about the scan?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.doc_operation_options.0.0.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"It's very hard to say from the scan. It wasn't... clear. That's why we need to look more closely.
\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"day_1.doc_operation_options.0.0.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"What does the operation involve?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.doc_operation_options.0.0.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"We'll make a small opening and peer inside... Perfectly routine.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^\"I'll tell her.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"day_1.tell_mum_about_operation"},{"#f":7}]}],null],null],{"#f":3}],"tell_mum_about_operation":[["^I tell my mother about the operation. I expect her to be distressed but she doesn't seem to care. She mainly wants to lie still with her eyes closed.","\n","^\"I just want this to stop,\" she says.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"day_1.tell_mum_about_operation.0.4.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"You shou
ld go.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.tell_mum_about_operation.0.4.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"I don't want to go.\"","\n","^\"I don't want to waste your time.\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"day_1.tell_mum_about_operation.0.4.c.11.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Are you joking?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.tell_mum_about_operation.0.4.c.11.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"day_1.tell_mum_about_operation.0.4.c.11.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Don't be ridiculous!\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.tell_mum_about_operation.0.4.c.11.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"day_1.tell_mum_about_operation.0.
4.c.11.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I don't want to be anywhere else.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"day_1.tell_mum_about_operation.0.4.c.11.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":[{"->":"day_1.a_vision"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"a_vision":[["^We sit in silence. I rest my eyes and in the darkness I see...","\n",["ev","str","^A dog","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"day_1.dog_vision"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^A baby","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"day_1.baby_vision"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^An old tree","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"day_1.tree_vision"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":3}],"dog_vision":[["^<i>A muscled dog sprints through a void. The dog is tireless. He runs and runs toward some remote location.</i>","\n",["ev","str","^A home","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->"
:".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^A place to hide","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^A loving friend","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":["^<i>I squint into the distance, trying to see what lies ahead. I begin to make out some shape.</i>","\n",{"->":"end_vision"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"baby_vision":[["^<i>A baby lies curled in a formless white nest. Her belly rises and falls and she takes slow breaths. She begins to stir...</i>","\n",["ev","str","^Eyes","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^<i>She turns her head toward me, and her eyelids open. I stare into those wide eyes...</i>","\n",{"->":"end_vision"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Hands","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^<i>A small hand rises, a tiny fist opens, and beneath those minute fingers...</i>","\n",{"->":"end_vision"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Skin","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^<i>Her skin is perfectly fine and flawles
s. Tiny blue veins show through the translucent skin like rivers flowing. The pulse of blood grows louder...</i>","\n",{"->":"end_vision"},{"->":"end_vision"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":3}],"tree_vision":[["^<i>A twisted old tree is blowing in a strong wind. Its branches are tossed back and forth in violent gusts, but the heavy trunk and strong boughs remain still.</i>","\n",["ev","str","^Leaf","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^<i>A single leaf breaks free and blows down into my waiting palm. In the fine lines and veins there I see words written in an irregular script...</i>","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Bark","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^<i>I run my palm over the rough bark of the tree. In the splits and fine cracks I see words written in an irregular script...</i>","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Root","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^<i>The roots of the tree spread out along the ground and under my feet. In the coiled and reaching tend
rils of wood I see words written in an irregular script...</i>","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":[{"->":"end_vision"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"#f":3}],"end_vision":[["^\"Be careful,\" my mother says quietly.","\n","^\"What?\" I say.","\n","^\"Nothing,\" she answers.","\n",["ev","str","^Chapter 2","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"the_call"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":3}],"the_call":[["^<h2>Chapter 2</h2>","\n","^I get the call.","\n","^The doctor is matter of fact.","\n","^\"We have completed the operation now.\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.8.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Okay\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.8.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.9.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Good\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"th
e_call.0.9.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":["^\"First of all... she went through the operation with no problem, and she's back in the ward.\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Okay\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.3.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Great\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.3.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":["^\"But unfortunately the results of the operation are not positive.\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.g-1.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c"
,"flg":18},{"s":["^\"I see.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.g-1.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.g-1.3.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Go on.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.g-1.3.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.g-1.4.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Tell me.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.g-1.4.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":["^\"It doesn't look good. It looks like cancer. It looks... very bad.\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^\"","/s
tr","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"So...",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ is this the kind of thing you would expect to be able to fix?\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.3.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"And this means...\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.3.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"And this means... I mean, what is the next step?\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-3":["^\"I really can't say anything for sure until we do some tests, but... just by looking... I would say that it's really not... it's really very bad.\"","\n",{"->":"the_call.now_it_is_real"},{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"now_it_is_real":[[["ev",{"^->":"the_call.now_it_is_real.0.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.
s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^So that's that",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.now_it_is_real.0.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. She was right of course. She is always right. I begin to wonder if she has known for a while.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^"},{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"the_call.now_it_is_real.0.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^This is real",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.now_it_is_real.0.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. This is how it happens. All my life, I've imagined my reaction to this moment, and here it is. So what does it feel like?","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"the_call.now_it_is_real.0.1.c.10.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I feel nothing",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"th
e_call.now_it_is_real.0.1.c.10.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. All I see is a series of mechanical actions that I must take to progress from this moment into the future.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"the_call.now_it_is_real.0.1.c.10.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I feel empty",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.now_it_is_real.0.1.c.10.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. That's normal isn't it?","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":[["ev",{"^->":"the_call.now_it_is_real.0.g-0.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I lie down",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.now_it_is_real.0.g-0.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ and stare at the ceiling, waiting to feel so
mething. Instead I feel very clear, very present, as cold and hard as a marble statue.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"the_call.now_it_is_real.0.g-0.0.c.10.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^...","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^Something moves",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.now_it_is_real.0.g-0.0.c.10.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ on the ceiling, creeping into my field of vision...","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":[["ev","str","^A Spider","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"the_call.omen_spider"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^A Praying Mantis","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"the_call.omen_mantis"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^A Moth","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"the_call.omen_moth"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"omen_spider":[["^A large black spider.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.end_omen"},null],{"#f":3}],"omen_mantis":[[
"^A green praying mantis advances with swaying, suspicious steps.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.end_omen"},null],{"#f":3}],"omen_moth":[["^A large dark winged moth winds its way with fluttering steps, following an irregular path.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.end_omen"},null],{"#f":3}],"end_omen":[[["ev","str","^Crush","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"the_call.omen_crush"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Save","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"the_call.omen_save"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Ignore","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"the_call.omen_ignore"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":3}],"omen_crush":[["^I crush it with the end of a broom. It's body falls onto the bed. I scoop it up with a piece of paper and flip it out the window.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.omen_completed"},null],{"#f":3}],"omen_save":[["^I reach up and gently catch it between my palms. I feel it against my skin, trying to escape. I toss it out the window.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.omen_completed"},null],{"#f":3}],"omen_ignore":[["^I leave it
alone. It can stay for as long as it likes.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.omen_completed"},null],{"#f":3}],"omen_completed":[[{"->":".^.^.^.post_diagnosis_options"},null],{"#f":3}],"post_diagnosis_options":[[["ev","str","^(False) Memories","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^Memories begin to bubble to the surface, all of which seem fake. My mother dropping hints, making idle passing comments about not being around for much longer.","\n","^I think I remember some test she had. She told the doctor she didn't want to know.","\n",[["ev","str","^She always knows","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^But, of course, she always knows. She always knows everything.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^"},{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"the_call.post_diagnosis_options.0.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I have to go to her",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.post_diagnosis_options.0.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{
"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"^.","\n","\n","<>","^ I have to be the one to tell her. I can't leave it up to anyone else.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^"},{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],[{"*":".^.c","flg":24},{"c":[{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":["^After a while my wife comes in to check on me. She doesn't believe me when I tell her. She thinks I am joking. I have my mother's sense of humour. She cries when I explain that it's the truth.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"the_call.post_diagnosis_options.0.g-0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I get in the car",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.post_diagnosis_options.0.g-0.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^.","\n","^I have to get to her before the surgeon does his rounds.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":["^When I get to the hospital I find that they have moved her again, to another floor. Again, no-one knows who she is
","\n",["ev",{"^->":"the_call.post_diagnosis_options.0.g-0.g-1.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^When I go into her room",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.post_diagnosis_options.0.g-0.g-1.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ she is still sleeping, so I sit with her.","\n",{"->":"the_call.waiting_to_tell_her"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"waiting_to_tell_her":[[["ev",{"^->":"the_call.waiting_to_tell_her.0.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^Behind the curtain",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.waiting_to_tell_her.0.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ there is a noisy group gathered around a family member. They are shouting and laughing, but my mother sleeps on.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^"},{"->":".^.^.^.she_wakes_up"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^I lea
n forward","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^After a while I lean forward and put my hand on her arm. She has not been eating for days, and her skin is already beginning to look loose on her body. She has never seemed older.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^"},{"->":".^.^.^.she_wakes_up"},{"#f":7}]}],[{"*":".^.c","flg":24},{"c":[{"->":".^.^.^.she_wakes_up"},{"#f":7}]}],{"she_wakes_up":["^I stroke her arm and she wakes up.","\n","^\"Oh, it's you. How long have you been here?\"","\n",{"->":"the_call.wake_up_options"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"wake_up_options":[[["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^We are silent",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ for a while. Her breathing is slow and deep.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^"},{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.1.$r1"},{"temp=
":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She is drowsy",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. The anaesthetic is making her more comfortable than she has been for a long time. It's nice to see her so calm.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^"},{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],[{"*":".^.c","flg":24},{"c":[{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":["^\"Have you spoken to the doctors already?\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.g-0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Yes.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.g-0.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"Did they tell you anything?\"","\n","^I sigh and stroke her arm.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":[["ev","str","^\"It's...\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":
["^\"It's not looking good, Mum.\"","\n","^\"Is it cancer?\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.4.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Yes.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.4.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.4.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"It looks like it.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.4.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":["^\"I thought so.\"","\n","^She is silent for a moment. She closes her eyes, applying some inner focus, settling her thoughts.","\n",["ev","str","^Sigh","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I
sigh. She puts her hand on mine.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Cry","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I don't cry. She doesn't cry. There will be no more crying. She has done more than enough for one lifetime.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-3":["^\"It's Okay. I don't mind dying. I just want it to be quick.\"","\n","^She is taking this very calmly.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.4.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^Of course",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.4.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ she is.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.5.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^What else",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.g-
0.g-1.g-2.g-3.5.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ would I expect from her.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-4":["^\"I think I made this happen,\" she says.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"What do you mean?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.wake_up_options.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-5":["^\"Nothing.\"","\n","^She turns her head to look out the window, squinting and frowning.","\n",{"->":"the_call.seeing_things"},{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"seeing_things":[["^\"I keep seeing things. Is that a picture of a baby outside on that wall? It looks like a big baby face.\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"the_call.seeing_things.0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/
str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I can't see anything.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.seeing_things.0.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"It's right there.\"","\n","^\"There's nothing there.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"the_call.seeing_things.0.3.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"I see it",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.seeing_things.0.3.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ in my mind's eye, Mum, but there are no pictures on that wall.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":["^\"Hm. I guess it's in my head.\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"the_call.seeing_things.0.g-0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She closes her eyes.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.seeing_things.0.g-0.2.c.$r2
"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":["^\"It's quite pleasant, really. Distracting. I can see a tiger, coming through the trees. I can see children. And those two dogs.\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"the_call.seeing_things.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She smiles",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.seeing_things.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^, and looks me in the eyes.","\n","^\"Bury me in a cardboard box,\" she says.","\n","^She has been saying that for years.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-3":[["ev",{"^->":"the_call.seeing_things.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She was always quite practical",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_call.seeing_things.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{
"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ about her own death.","\n","^\"You have power of attorney. It's all with the lawyer.\"","\n","^She gives me her address book and I take down a list of names. She tells me who will probably take her cat. She tells me who has keys to her house.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-4":[["ev","str","^I notice","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"the_call.a_visitation"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-2"}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"a_visitation":[["^On the outside of the window glass I notice something moving.","\n",["G>",[["ev",{"CNT?":"the_call.omen_spider"},"/ev",{"->":".^.b","c":true},{"b":[{"->":"the_call.spider_visitation"},{"->":".^.^.^.4"},null]}],["ev",{"CNT?":"the_call.omen_mantis"},"/ev",{"->":".^.b","c":true},{"b":[{"->":"the_call.mantis_visitation"},{"->":".^.^.^.4"},null]}],["ev",{"CNT?":"the_call.omen_moth"},"/ev",{"->":".^.b","c":true},{"b":[{"->":"the_call.spider_visitation"},{"->":".^.^.^.4"},null]}],[
{"->":".^.b"},{"b":[{"->":"the_call.spider_visitation"},{"->":".^.^.^.4"},null]}],"nop",null],"G<",null],"\n",null],{"#f":3}],"spider_visitation":[["^I see a dark spider creeping into the centre of the window.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.visitation_reaction"},null],{"#f":3}],"mantis_visitation":[["^I see a huge swollen praying mantis moving into the centre of the window.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.visitation_reaction"},null],{"#f":3}],"moth_visitation":[["^I see a huge grey moth crawling into the centre of the window.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.visitation_reaction"},null],{"#f":3}],"visitation_reaction":[[["G>",[["ev",{"CNT?":"the_call.omen_crush"},"/ev",{"->":".^.b","c":true},{"b":[{"->":"the_call.visitation_reaction_crush"},{"->":".^.^.^.4"},null]}],["ev",{"CNT?":"the_call.omen_save"},"/ev",{"->":".^.b","c":true},{"b":[{"->":"the_call.visitation_reaction_save"},{"->":".^.^.^.4"},null]}],["ev",{"CNT?":"the_call.omen_ignore"},"/ev",{"->":".^.b","c":true},{"b":[{"->":"the_call.visitation_reaction_ignore"},{"->":".^.^.^.4"},null]}]
,[{"->":".^.b"},{"b":[{"->":"the_call.visitation_reaction_ignore"},{"->":".^.^.^.4"},null]}],"nop",null],"G<",null],"\n",null],{"#f":3}],"visitation_reaction_crush":[["^My blood runs cold. I feel its hateful emanations flooding the room.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.end_visitation"},null],{"#f":3}],"visitation_reaction_save":[["^It is a friendly presence, a fragment of life removed from our troubles.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.end_visitation"},null],{"#f":3}],"visitation_reaction_ignore":[["^It is a silent observer, holding vigil.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.end_visitation"},{"->":".^.^.^.end_visitation"},null],{"#f":3}],"end_visitation":[[[["ev","str","^Chapter 3","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"fading_away"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7,"#n":"g-0"}],null],{"#f":3}],"#f":3}],"fading_away":[["^<h2>Chapter 3</h2>","\n","^When I come in the next day they have moved her a couple of floors up.","\n","^I walk into the room, peering behind curtains until I find my mother lying with her eyes closed.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.
0.6.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Mum...\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.6.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^I wait...","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I wait a while, watching her breath rise and fall. There is a troubled furrow on her brow, as of intense concentration. After a while she stirs, and her eyes open.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":["^\"Oh, you came.\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.2.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I said I would be here.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.2.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.2.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^?\""
,"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"Don't you remember",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.2.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^, I called you on the phone an hour ago?\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"g-1":["^I don't know why she is surprised to see me. She seems to be far away, behind a cloud. She keeps closing her eyes, as if she would rather turn inward.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"You should go.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",[["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.7.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I only just arrived.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.7.0.c.$
r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.7.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I came to see you.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.7.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.7.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I want to be with you.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.7.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"It's just so hard to talk. I don't want you here.\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.7.2.c.9.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I'll go soon.\"",{"->":"$r","
var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.7.2.c.9.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",[["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.7.2.c.9.0.c.7.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She just wants to be alone",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.7.2.c.9.0.c.7.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^, to stay focused. She has already set out on a voyage, and I've been left behind.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-3":["^It's a shock. She is getting further and further away, and I realise she is not going to come back.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I brought you some things.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->
":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^I have a selection of drinks, and some foods I think she might be able to eat.","\n","^\"I don't want it.\"","\n","^There is already a tray of food sitting untouched beside her bed.","\n","^She is finished with food. She will never eat again.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.2.c.15.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Do it for me.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.2.c.15.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.2.c.15.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"You have to eat some time.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.2.c.15.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.
s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"I can't.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-4":[["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Will you have some fizzy water?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"OK\"","\n","^I open a bottle of carbonated water and put a straw to her lips. She takes a sip and has had enough. She begins to doze off.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Will you have an iceblock?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"OK\"","\n","^I unwrap a raspberry iceblock and place it in her hand
She holds it to her lips.","\n","^She begins to doze off, and the red juice runs down her arm.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-5":["^\"You should go now,\" she murmurs.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"I'll go soon",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^, if you want me to.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-6"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.3.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Is that really what you want?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.3.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-6"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-6":["^She experiences a wave of pain and contracts
into a tight knot. When she opens her eyes she seems surprised.","\n","^\"Oh, it's you.\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.4.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I've been here for a while.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.4.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-7"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.5.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I'm here.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.5.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-7"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-7":["^\"I'm so confused,\" she says. \"I keep seeing people come in and sit down, and then they're not really there. I keep having these conversations with people and I don't know if th
ey actually happened or not.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"I'm here",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-8"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.3.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"I'm real",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.3.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-8"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-8":["<>","^,\" I say.","\n",["G>",[["ev",{"CNT?":"the_call.omen_spider"},"/ev",{"->":".^.b","c":true},{"b":[{"->":"fading_away.seeing_spiders"},{"->":".^.^.^.4"},null]}],["ev",{"CNT?":"the_call.omen_mantis"},"/ev",
{"->":".^.b","c":true},{"b":[{"->":"fading_away.seeing_mantises"},{"->":".^.^.^.4"},null]}],["ev",{"CNT?":"the_call.omen_moth"},"/ev",{"->":".^.b","c":true},{"b":[{"->":"fading_away.seeing_moths"},{"->":".^.^.^.4"},null]}],[{"->":".^.b"},{"b":[{"->":"fading_away.seeing_moths"},{"->":".^.^.^.4"},null]}],"nop",null],"G<",null],"\n",{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-2"}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"seeing_spiders":[["^\"I keep seeing spiders behind my eyelids.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.after_confusion"},null],{"#f":3}],"seeing_mantises":[["^\"I keep seeing praying mantises, swaying back and forth at the end of the bed.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.after_confusion"},null],{"#f":3}],"seeing_moths":[["^\"I keep seeing moths, fluttering around the corners of my vision.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.after_confusion"},null],{"#f":3}],"after_confusion":[[[["ev","str","^She is trapped.","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I am very aware that she is trapped in a terrible situation without only one ou
tcome.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^What is going to happen?",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^I think about what is coming. It is all so inevitable, an unrelenting progression.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":[["ev","str","^It's a long way down.","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I peek out the window and wonder if she will be tempted to jump. I think she might, except she could hurt someone, and she would never risk that.","\n","^She is probably too weak to walk to a window now, anyway.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":[["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^It's for the best.",{"->":"$r
","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ There should be a better way. I can hardly believe there isn't.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^It's a shame.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ There's no way out.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-3":["^She looks up at me, pats the back of my hand, and closes her eyes again.","\n","^\"You should go now, darling.\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.4.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I don't want to go yet.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading
_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.4.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.5.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"I'm not ready.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.5.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-4":["^We go on like this for a while before she sends me away.","\n","^In a way, it's a relief when she insists I leave.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.4.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^This isn't easy.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.4.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],[
"ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.5.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I need to pace myself.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.5.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-5":["^Before I leave the hospital I have a long conversation with one of the nurses. She has no idea what my mother's situation is. Nobody seems to know who she is, or what is going on with her.","\n","^They keep talking about her going home and asking if she is normally able to look after herself.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.4.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Is she going home?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.4.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->
":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-6"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.5.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"How can she go home?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.5.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-6"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-6":["^\"Well, I'm not sure when, but we have to hope she'll be ready to go home soon.\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"But she has cancer.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"Oh? You mean she has had a diagnosis?\" She looks so surprised.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"fading_
away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.2.c.9.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Yes!\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.2.c.9.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-7"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.2.c.9.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Didn't you know that?\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.2.c.9.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-7"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-7":["^\"Oh. Okay. Um, we just read what's on the chart, you know...\"","\n",["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},
[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^This is modern medicine.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^Until they do their medical science tests they won't make it official. Even though the surgeons who operated on her have made it perfectly clear, nothing seems to count until they can see it on a screen, and prove it in the lab.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-8"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-8":[["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.g-8.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^Is it real?",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.g-8.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-9"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.g-8.
1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^Have I misunderstood something?",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"fading_away.after_confusion.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.g-8.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-9"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-9":["^The way they talk, it is as if it is not really real, but I know there is no point in pretending. There is no point in hoping.","\n",{"->":"at_work"},{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-0"}],null],{"#f":3}],"#f":3}],"at_work":[["^I keep going to work. I find it hard to care, but I do my work.","\n",["ev","str","^Trivial","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Meaningless","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Pointless","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":["^I
type lines of code. Squiggles of coloured light on a field of black. I make shapes move around the screen. I make them fight against each other.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"at_work.0.g-0.g-1.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^On my lunch break",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"at_work.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ I start researching Hospices. How do you even get in to a hospice? When will she go? How long is she going to have to go on like this?","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":[["ev","str","^It is going to get bad.","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"the_bad_weekend"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-1"}],{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"the_bad_weekend":[["^<h2>Chapter 4</h2>","\n","^Things get worse during the weekend. She is in a great deal of pain. She begins to fade away from normal awareness. She is lost in a cloud of pain.","\n",["ev","str","^Drugs","/str
","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^The nurses will only give her Aspirin.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"the_bad_weekend.0.4.c.2.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^It's a joke.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_bad_weekend.0.4.c.2.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ No-one seems to have ticked the right boxes, so she gets nothing. These little pills do nothing.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Bad luck","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^It is very bad luck to go downhill during the weekend. Most of the staff is away, the teams responsible for making decisions are away. The Palliative team, away until Monday. Unfamiliar staff cycle in and out.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":[["ev","str","^Repeat","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I repeat the story again and again, tell them what's what. Every few hours a new face passes
through, with no idea.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":[["ev","str","^Helpless","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I am utterly helpless. I begin to realise there is nothing I can do for her.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Hopeless","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^Everything that happens is inevitable, linear, a relentless movement.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":["^She doesn't even want me here. She doesn't want me to see her wail and moan, but that's what she wants to do. She wants to suffer alone. She sends me away.","\n",["ev","str","^Trying","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I try to relax, but I am filled with a scintillating energy that rubs my nerve endings raw. I do pull ups and sweat pools on the floorboards.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Failing","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I am trying to control my where my mind goes, but it remains in a decaying orbit, always returning to the image of
my mother, lying in her hospital bed.","\n",[["ev","str","^Breath","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I can hear her rasping breaths in my head. There is a precise recording of this sound, playing on loop.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-3":[["ev","str","^Stories","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^For the first time in my children's lives, I am unable to make up a bedtime story. The stories have retreated behind a heavy wall, and barred the door.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-4":[["ev","str","^Dreams","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^My mind goes around and around as I lie in bed. Eventually the images before my eyes turn into dreams. We are riding. We are flying. We are flowing in warm tides.","\n",[["ev","str","^Float","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I rise, most comfortably, into a tepid sky. I am washed through with light.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Sink","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},
{"c":["^I sink with great pleasure, down into the watery depths, coming to rest finally far below on a soft bed of sand.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Nightmares","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^As I fall asleep, my body twitches, my feet are restless.","\n","^A dark triangle hovers above me. The triangle is heavy and solid, and simultaneously an entirely negative space.","\n",[["ev","str","^Rise","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I rise upward, drawn by a crushing gravity, and fall into that empty expanse.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Fall","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^The crushing weight falls and presses over me, forcing me into an infinitely small space.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Insomnia","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^As exhausted as I am, I lie awake. The thoughts want to be thought, and I give myself over to them.","\n",[["ev","str"
,"^Eyes open","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I witness the formless shapes of curtains and hanging coats, like figures of night standing vigil.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Eyes closed","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^A cacophony of voices babble and cackle. My mind is a crowd, an agitated mob.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-5":["^I finally find myself waking in the morning, and rise early in the hopes of meeting a doctor on early shift.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"the_bad_weekend.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I return to the hospital.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_bad_weekend.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^Sunday is worse than Saturday. They have moved her again, up a few more floors.","\n","^Someone decided the now-widespread cancer started
in her uterus, so they have sent her to the Gynaecology ward to die. Across the hall, babies are being born day and night.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-7"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-7":[["ev","str","^Desperation","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^The nurses are getting desperate. On a Sunday, the proper chain of command is unavailable to authorise the right drugs. Who would have thought a hospital could shut down like this on the weekend?","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-8"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-8":[["ev",{"^->":"the_bad_weekend.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.g-8.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^They summon a doctor",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"the_bad_weekend.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.g-8.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ from another department. He is awkward, and non-committal.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-9"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-9":[["ev","str","^Follow","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I ta
il him down the hall and lurk while he makes a phone call. I hear him discuss my mother.","\n","^\"...not expected to survive admission,\" he says.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-10"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-10":[["ev","str","^Finally...","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^It's good to hear someone actually say it, finally.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-11"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-11":[["ev","str","^At Least","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^At least he's trying to pull a few strings.","\n","^He hangs up the phone and spins around on his chair. Our eyes meet and he looks shocked to see me standing there.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-12"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-12":[["ev","str","^Drugs","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^The drugs are issued, and she gets a little rest.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-13"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-13":[["ev","str","^Chapter 5","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"transition"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-6"}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":
7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"transition":[["^<h2>Chapter 5</h2>","\n","^On Monday Morning I head in very early to meet with the doctors when they do their morning rounds, and to beg them for stronger pain relief.","\n","^When I arrive, my mother is in real trouble. She is in so much pain. She has reached some sort of threshold.","\n","^\"Too much pain,\" she says.","\n",[["ev","str","^Lost","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^She is losing herself in the pain.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":["^\"Just kill me,\" she says.","\n","^She throws her head back and forth on the pillow.","\n",["ev","str","^I can't","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^I will","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I really wish I could do what she asks.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":["^\"We can't do that, Mum.\"","\n","^\"I know,\" she gasps.","\n","^\"I'm sorry,\" I say.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"transition.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"
$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^This is unacceptable.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ This cannot be allowed to continue.","\n","^More nurses rush in. They have realised that something needs to be done, and are calling for a doctor.","\n","^\"Your mother is very sick, you know,\" one of the nurses says, as if I hadn't realised.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-4":[["ev","str","^\"I know...\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^\"I know that. She's getting worse.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^\"Nobody...\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^\"Nobody has been around all weekend. All you've been giving her is Aspirin.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-5":["^A senior nurse comes in waving a large syringe. They give her a powerful sedative and she relaxes.","\n","^After ten minutes she
wakes up and begins to moan and cry out again. The nurse gives her another injection.","\n",[["ev","str","^Repeat","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^The cycle repeats. She is allowed a moment's peace, before she rises again into awareness. The nurse can hardly keep filling the syringe fast enough.","\n","^They tell me I need power of attorney, because I'm going to have to \"make decisions,\" whatever that means.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-7"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-7":[["ev","str","^Drive","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I drive across the city, and ransack her house, looking for legal documents.","\n",{"->":"transition.in_her_house_choices"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-6"}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-3"}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-0"}],null],{"in_her_house_choices":[["^I search...","\n",[{"*":".^.c","flg":24},{"c":[{"->":"transition.the_letter"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^In the wardrobe","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I open the wardrobe and kneel to look through
the boxes beneath the hanging clothes.","\n","^There are hundreds of notebooks here, filled with her thoughts and ideas.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"transition.in_her_house_choices.0.3.c.4.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I read a few lines",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.in_her_house_choices.0.3.c.4.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. She describes her roses, their withered petals fallen. She describes the first time she sees my daughter stand on her own.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^"},{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"transition.in_her_house_choices.0.3.c.4.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^A drawing catches my eye",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.in_her_house_choices.0.3.c.4.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. She has a way of embel
lishing a simple line drawing into a dense mandala of swirls and spined petals.","\n","^The beaming face of a plump child is encircled by a corona of crystalline emanations.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^"},{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"transition.in_her_house_choices.0.4.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^In the drawers",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.in_her_house_choices.0.4.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. Ah, every drawer of my childhood was this chaotic. She was never one for organisation. Every drawer is a collection of miscellaneous objects.","\n","^No doubt she knew exactly where to find every item when she needed it. I'm the same way.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"transition.in_her_house_choices.0.4.c.12.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^Her hairbrush",{"->":"$r","var":true},n
ull],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.in_her_house_choices.0.4.c.12.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ sits inside her bedside drawer, a tangle of white hairs sticking out in all directions.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^"},{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^A silver whistle","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["<>","^ At the bottom of her desk drawer, beneath a stack of wrinkled evelopes, I find a small silver whistle.","\n","^This is an object from my childhood. I recall placing it between my lips as a small child, and producing a piercing chirp. I tuck it into my pocket.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.^"},{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"transition.in_her_house_choices.0.5.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^In the bookshelves",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.in_her_house_choices.0.5.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#
n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. Her vast book collection has shrunk in recent years. She has kept books on roses, certain classics.","\n",[["ev","str","^Freaks","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I am distracted for a moment, flipping through the pages of a book on human freaks.","\n","^Deformed flesh. Elephant man. Siamese twins. Microcephaly.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^The Art and Science of Embalming","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I can't help myself, and glance into The Art and Science of Embalming. Black and white photographs of pale cadavers. A nice momento mori my mother kept around.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":[["ev","str","^I discover...","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I discover a precious item, my mother's journal from around the time of my birth and the following years.","\n","^She let me read it once, when I was old enough. Raising a child alone is hard.","\n","^I tuck the book into my bag. I can't
stand the thought of leaving it here.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"the_letter":[[["ev","str","^Then I find it...","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I find the letter she has left for me, the one she told me about on that first night in hospital.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":[["ev","str","^Cursive","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^The letter is written by hand, and dated 10 years ago.","\n","^It has been witnessed and signed by two of her friends.","\n","^It says exactly the words that are needed right now.","\n",[["ev","str","^\"Let me die\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^It says, \"Let me die. Do not keep me alive artificially. All I ask is that I be made comfortable.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":[["ev",{"^->":"transition.the_letter.0.g-0.g-1.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^And so it is made clear.",{"->":"$r","var":tru
e},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.the_letter.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^This is very typical of my mother. Death was always a hobby of hers. She was planning for this a decade earlier.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":[["ev","str","^A little more..","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^At the bottom she has added an extra note, dated only a day before she entered hospital.","\n","^She's telling me she loves me.","\n","^She's telling me not to feel guilty about getting rid of all her junk when she's gone. This makes me laugh out loud.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-3":[["ev",{"^->":"transition.the_letter.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She must have known",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.the_letter.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ she was dying.","\n","^I
look around, and see how much she has emptied out her house recently.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"transition.the_letter.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^?","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^Did she know",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.the_letter.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ she was dying? Could she really have known?","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"transition.the_letter.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^She couldn't have known",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.the_letter.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ she was dying, could she? She knew she was getting old.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-4":["^She often spoke of t
he fact she was near the end of her life, but she always had a dark humour about it.","\n","^Would she really hide this from me?","\n",{"->":"transition.hide_from_me_choices"},{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"hide_from_me_choices":[[["ev",{"^->":"transition.hide_from_me_choices.0.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^Maybe.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.hide_from_me_choices.0.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ In a way that would be completely normal for her.","\n","^She always acted like she just wanted to slip out the back door without anyone noticing, no fuss. She always told me to bury her in cardboard box. She even put it in her will.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^"},{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"transition.hide_from_me_choices.0.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"
s":["^I rush back",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.hide_from_me_choices.0.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ across the city again. I show the letter to the nurses.","\n","^A group of doctors take me into a room and awkwardly explains about \"Code Blue\" and \"DNR\". They are very cautious about saying what they mean to say.","\n","^They want to know what to do if \"her condition gets suddenly worse.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":[["ev","str","^\"No illusions.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^\"I'm under no illusions about her situation. She's dying.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"transition.hide_from_me_choices.0.g-0.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"She taught me",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.hide_from_me_choices.0.g-0.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r
2"}],"\n","<>","^ to be strong. She taught me to look at things, and to see things as they are.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"transition.hide_from_me_choices.0.g-0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^...\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"You don't have to",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.hide_from_me_choices.0.g-0.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ soften it up for me.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":["<>","^ I know she's dying, she knows she's dying. She just wants to be comfortable.\"","\n","^I show them the letter, and they all seem very relieved. Perhaps they expected me to resist, to beg them to keep her alive, to save her.","\n","^They have it backward.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"transition.hide_from_me_choices.0.g-0.g-1.7.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"This is what she wants\"",{"->":"$r","
var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"transition.hide_from_me_choices.0.g-0.g-1.7.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ I say.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":[["ev","str","^\"Escape\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^\"She has to escape this. She needs to get away, as soon as possible.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-3":[["ev","str","^Heartless","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^Everyone expects me to be falling to pieces. I wonder if they think I am cold and heartless.","\n","^Well, I am. I am so cold now, I may never thaw.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-4":[["ev","str","^Chapter 6","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"waiting"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"#f":3}],"waiting":[["^<h2>Chapter 6</h2>","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^So it is set into action.",{"->":"$r"
,"var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^They will attach a device, which will provide a constant feed of powerful sedative. It is clear that once she is plugged into this thing, there will not be much chance to interact with her again.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^..","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^For now",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^, she is conscious, and still in pain.","\n","^She knows I am with her.","\n","^\"Do you want to say anything?\" I ask her.","\n","^\"No,\" she says. \"There's nothing left to say.\"","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.16.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"That's ok
ay",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.16.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. I know, and you know...\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.16.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"I understand",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.16.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. I know, and you know...\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.16.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"You don't have to say anything",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.16.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^. I know, and you know...\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7
}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":["^\"Yes.\"","\n","^Her voice is clipped, like someone who is focusing hard, and doesn't want to be distracted.","\n","^\"I'm thinking all kinds of things. I can't say them though... It's so strange, I don't know what's happening to me.\"","\n",[["ev","str","^\"I'm here...\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^\"I'm right here with you.\"","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^\"Don't be scared.\"",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^\"I'm not scared,\" she says. Her brow furrows.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-4":["^\"I think I made this happen,\" she says.","\n","^\"What do you mean?\"","\n","^She doesn't answer.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":
"$r1"}],"/str","str","^.\"","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":22},{"s":["^\"I love you",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ ,\" I say.","\n","^\"I love you,\" she says.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-6"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-6":[["ev","str","^They come...","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^Finally the palliative care specialist arrives, a woman with a kind face and a soft voice. They attach the device, a huge syringe with a little motor to push it closed over the course of the day.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-7"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-7":[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^She is peaceful",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ now. She lies still, breathing deeply. A
bout once an hour she shifts her weight from one side to another.","\n","^It amazes me, this primal need to move, dragging her from her rest, and forcing her to agonizingly turn.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-8"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-8":[["ev","str","^Another night","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I spend another night trying to sleep in the armchair beside my mother.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-9"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-9":[{"->":"waiting.waiting_at_night"},{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-5"}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-3"}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-0"}],null],{"waiting_at_night":[[["ev","str","^Breath","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^Her breathing has become heavier and heavier. This in and out of breath is now her sole labour. I know this will end soon.","\n","^Sometimes her breath simply stops for a few seconds. I open my eyes and watch. Is this it? Then she begins to breathe again.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Hours","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["
^The nurse comes in every hour, and I sit up with a jolt.","\n","^I help her move my mother to the left and to the right.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Sleep","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I am never all the way asleep, but I hover near the edge of dreams.","\n","^I am in a cave, surrounded by figures at work.","\n","^I am in a grove of trees, where the queen lies afflicted.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^"},{"#f":7}]}],[{"*":".^.c","flg":24},{"c":[{"->":"waiting.care"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":3}],"care":[[["ev","str","^Care","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^The next day, the lady from Palliative Care sits down with me. She has a very serious expression on her face.","\n","^She tells me I need to look after myself. This could go on for a long time. I can't live at the hospital.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.care.0.g-0.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I go home.",{"->":"$r
","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.care.0.g-0.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":"waiting.go_home"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev",{"^->":"waiting.care.0.g-0.1.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I stay put.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.care.0.g-0.1.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":"waiting.stay_put"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"go_home":[["^I go home. I take a shower. I get some exercise and do some stretches.","\n",["ev",{"^->":"waiting.go_home.0.2.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^It's no good.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.go_home.0.2.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ I can't think of anything else but being back at the hospital. I can picture her, lying there alone, in a dimly lit room, breathing heavy strug
gling breaths.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.go_home.0.g-0.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I try to sleep.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.go_home.0.g-0.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ I lie in bed with my mind racing.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.go_home.0.g-0.0.c.10.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^It is useless.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.go_home.0.g-0.0.c.10.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","^At two in the morning I give up on sleeping.","\n",{"->":"waiting.returning_in_the_night"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^I go to her","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":[{"->":"waiting.returning_in_the_night"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"returning_in_the_night":[["^I realise I need to go to
her, and set out into the night.","\n",["ev","str","^The usual ways","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^The usual ways into the hospital are locked shut at this time of night. I wander around the outside of the hospital and make my way into the emergency room. A friendly orderly waves his key card and lets me use a service elevator.","\n","^I press a few buzzers and am let in to the ward.","\n","^my mother is lying in her dimly lit room.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":[["ev","str","^Whisper","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I crouch beside her bed and whisper to her. I am here. I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere. She sleeps on, breathing strained breaths.","\n",{"->":"waiting.another_night"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"stay_put":[["^I'm tempted to go and rest, but I can't bring myself to leave.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.another_night"},null],{"#f":3}],"another_night":[["^Everything is quiet. I sit in the armchair and stare out at the night. The city is full of lights. Thousa
nds of people, living thousands of lives, right at this moment. Right here, right now, this is my life. This is my mother's life.","\n",["ev","str","^I close my eyes","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I lie back, and close my eyes.","\n",{"->":"waiting.bruise_landscape"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":3}],"bruise_landscape":[["^I am exploring a rocky landscape. The stones are red and bruise purple. The sky is cavernous and dark, and there are half-seen shapes hanging stationary in the space above.","\n",["ev","str","^Hear","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I hear a ringing, out of the stones themselves, a many voiced drone.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Feel","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I feel a low vibration rising up through my feet, a shaking and shifting of the earth below.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-0"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-0":[["ev","str","^Fear","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^A black door opens out of stone before me. A terrible horror pulsates within.
","\n",[["ev","str","^Enter","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I have no choice. I must pass through the door, into the loathful interior. I take, one step, then another, and I have been engulfed.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Flee","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I turn and run across the stony ground. My feet are bare, and with each step I feel them cut to pieces, until I am limping and hobbling.","\n","^When I can no longer stay upright, I am reduced to dragging myself along on my hands and knees.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Hope","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^A pool of shining liquid forms at my feet. A comforting warm vapour rises to my face.","\n",[["ev","str","^Wash","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I lower my body into the liquid. It flows around me, warming me, washing away the leeches of dread that have attached themselves to me.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","s
tr","^Drink","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I cup my hands and raise a mouthful of the liquid to my lips. As it flows down my throat I feel myself set alight. A bright light spreads throughout my body, and I am blinded by a flood of white.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],null],{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":[["ev","str","^Know","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^Now I have come to this place, I know for sure that I am not alone.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Love","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^Now I have come to this place, protection is offered to me.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":[{"->":"waiting.the_smile"},{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}]}],{"#f":3}],"the_smile":[["^A blindingly bright golden light blooms before my eyes. Inside it, an enormous radiant smile forms. The gigantic lips of the goddess of smiles, smiling right at me.","\n",[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_smile.0.g-0.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev"
,{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I feel amazingly happy",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_smile.0.g-0.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^.","\n","^When I open my eyes again I am calm.","\n","^This all feels so completely natural. It feels like the wind blowing, or the grass growing. It feels like Summer and Winter. The Beginning and The End are one and the same.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":[["ev","str","^After you have died","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^The time after you have died is no more to fear than the time before you were born.","\n","^It's the last difficult days of life that are to fear.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_smile.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^How long will this go on?",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_smile.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":
"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":"waiting.the_last_day"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-0"}],null],{"#f":3}],"the_last_day":[["^In the morning her sister comes. It is good to have her here.","\n","^My mother is far away now. She stirs once an hour and weakly shifts her weight from one side to another.","\n",[["ev","str","^I am exhausted","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I am so exhausted. I keep telling myself that I can withstand anything. I feel guilty that I want to leave, that I want to rest. I am weak. I am selfish.","\n","^If she doesn't get to rest, then I don't get to rest.","\n","^She doesn't even know I'm here. She is far, far away.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_last_day.0.g-0.g-1.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^I want to see my kids.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_last_day.0.g-0.g-1.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":"
^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ In the afternoon I decide to go home to my family. My aunt is here with my mother. She will keep her company. I can afford to leave for a while. I am so tired.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":[["ev","str","^Home","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I sit with my children, and they are very nice to me.","\n","^They still don't know what is going on. I'll have to tell them sooner or later.","\n","^We play video games. We have a perfectly ordinary evening.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-3":[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_last_day.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^The phone rings",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_last_day.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^, and my aunt tells me my mother has died.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-4":[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_last_day.0.g-0.g
-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^It happened without me",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_last_day.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^.","\n","^So, she has escaped. Her suffering is over.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-5":[["ev","str","^Relief","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I am so relieved she does not have to go through this any more.","\n","^I am so grateful that her sister was with her. I am relieved I did not have to be there, to witness that.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-6"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-6":[["ev","str","^Weak","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I don't know if this makes me weak.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-7"},{"#f":7}]}],["ev","str","^Bad","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I don't know if that makes me a bad person.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-7"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-7":["^I don't know anything.","\n",[["ev",{"^
->":"waiting.the_last_day.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.g-8.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^Nothing matters",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_last_day.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.g-8.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n","<>","^ now, nothing at all. It's over.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-9"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-9":[["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_last_day.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.g-8.g-9.0.$r1"},{"temp=":"$r"},"str",{"->":".^.s"},[{"#n":"$r1"}],"/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":18},{"s":["^My mother no longer exists.",{"->":"$r","var":true},null],"c":["ev",{"^->":"waiting.the_last_day.0.g-0.g-1.g-2.g-3.g-4.g-5.g-6.g-7.g-8.g-9.0.c.$r2"},"/ev",{"temp=":"$r"},{"->":".^.^.s"},[{"#n":"$r2"}],"\n",{"->":"the_end"},{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-8"}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-0"}],null],{"#f":3}],"#f":3}],"the_end":[["^<h2>Chapter 7</h
2>","\n","^As soon as she is gone, my mental image of my mother changes entirely, in a single moment.","\n",[["ev","str","^Release","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^She is no longer an accumulation of pain and misery, trapped in an aged and malfunctioning body. In my mind she is suddenly young again.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-1"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-1":[["ev","str","^Cease","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^She has ceased to exist in the present. She has become a creature of the past, a creature of memory.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-2"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-2":[["ev","str","^Time","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^She does not exist in linear time any more, and every past version of her is as equally present as any other.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-3"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-3":[["ev","str","^Her","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^She is the woman who gave birth to me, who held me in her arms, who sang to me while she brushed my hair.","\n","^She has long brown hair and dark eyes.","\n","^She's my fri
end. She's just like me.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-4"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-4":[["ev","str","^Epilogue","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^<h2>Epilogue</h2>","\n","^I visit her little house. It is so warm inside. The sun is pouring in.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-5"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-5":[["ev","str","^Searching...","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^I'm searching for my mother's most precious possession.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-6"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-6":[["ev","str","^I'm looking","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^The thing I'm looking for is a simple, ordinary thing, a smooth round stone of black jet.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-7"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-7":[["ev","str","^She carried it","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^She carried it around the world, and held it often in her hands. It has been handled by everyone she ever cared about. It has been imbued with a strange power. I am drawn to it. I must find it.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-8"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-8":[["ev","str","^I look","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","f
lg":20},{"c":["^I look through everything, before finding it sitting in the sun on the windowsill.","\n","^It is hot when I pick it up. I hold it tight in my hand, a small black egg of stone.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-9"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-9":[["ev","str","^Completed","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^This dark orb is full of life, and I do not feel that I have lost her.","\n","^Every memory of her, everything she did, everything she made, still remains.","\n","^Her life is completed, a long connected chain, from start to end.","\n",{"->":".^.^.^.g-10"},{"#f":7}]}],{"g-10":[["ev","str","^Ash","/str","/ev",{"*":".^.c","flg":20},{"c":["^Nothing can harm her again. She is ash.","\n","end",{"#f":7}]}],{"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7}],"#f":7,"#n":"g-0"}],null],{"#f":3}],"content_warning":[["^<i>Content Warning: This is an autobiographical story about the final days of life, and the loss of a parent.</i>","\n",{"->":"cover_page.cover_page_options"},null]
,{"#f":3}],"thanks":[["^<i>Made with Ink, an IF technology created by Inkle Studios.</i>","\n","^<i>Thanks to Beta readers:</i>","\n","^<i>Marina Grey</i>","\n","^<i>Tom Bergman</i>","\n","^<i>Linda Ruthe</i>","\n","^<i>Warwick Urquhart</i>","\n","^<i>Aimee Cairns</i>","\n","^<i>Damian Golfinopoulos</i>","\n","^<i>Jocelyn Watkin</i>","\n","^<i>Deborah Shepherd</i>","\n","^<i>Gavin Reed</i>","\n","^<i>Chris Berthelsen</i>","\n","^Additional Thanks to:","\n","^<i>Marina Grey</i> - For the painting detail used in the cover art.","\n",{"->":"cover_page.cover_page_options"},null],{"#f":3}],"#f":3}]};
