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An introspection of trans life and politics in North Dakota • North Dakota Monitor [1]

['Faye Seidler', 'Emily Bakkum', 'Tony Burke', 'Michelle Wagner', 'Landis Larson', 'Gail Reiten', 'More From Author', 'March', '.Wp-Block-Co-Authors-Plus-Coauthors.Is-Layout-Flow', 'Class']

Date: 2025-03-24

Editor’s note: If you or someone you know may be experiencing a mental health crisis, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing or texting “988.”

I’m a suicide prevention advocate for everyone in North Dakota. I specialize in LGBTQ+ populations. In the suicide prevention world, I am the only person in our state who that does that, and it’s only possible because I largely do it for free and have dedicated my life to it.

I look at the data about our kids, and I see myself in it. I see my childhood and bullying, and how I never reached out for help. I see kids under the unbearable weight and pain of navigating being trans or queer in our culture. And while all of their answers add up into a clear picture of outcomes, I know most of them are alone, without support or help.

I think about Chance Houle constantly. Chance was a 12-year-old trans kid in Bismarck with a complicated family and school life. March 31 will be the seventh anniversary of his death by suicide, which was blamed on bullying, though never substantiated by local investigation.

They are why I’m a suicide prevention advocate today, as every day I ask the question, how do I stop this from happening to another kid?

In 2018, we were lost at why a child would die in such a manner. Something lost at the time was his death was on Transgender Day of Visibility, and while no one factor is ever responsible for suicide, one can make an educated guess on contributing factors here.

National and local resources Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860 The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 FirstLink: Dial or text 988 for mental crisis or 911 for crisis. Dial 211 or text ND4me to 898-211 for general help

This year, I put together the 2025 State of the State Report to describe why in painstaking detail. Chance’s story is not unique, as queer and trans youth experience significant bullying across our school systems, live in a culture that tells them they’re not real, and are taught the only people they can count on is themselves.

I’m here today because the coin landed heads at a couple of important points in my life. And if I wasn’t extremely lucky, I would’ve been a sad story in the early 2000s that only a few people would still remember today.

It is my duty to remember him and the life he led. To honor it in the ways I can. And the way that I can is to keep kids like him safe.

Responding to 2023’s anti-trans laws

In 2015, I gave up on the North Dakota government being a place to build hope for LGBTQ+ people when lawmakers voted down the anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination bill. I saw the effort of thousands of people crash and break like a wave against a wall.

While this event is now a spark note in the history of our state, what is lost is the pain that comes from the aftermath. Many queer folks gave up on North Dakota on that day, and so many of them moved away. My best friend at the time, a person who taught me how to process my emotions and pretty much every self-care practice that keeps me sane today, left. We stayed in touch until we didn’t. The North Dakota story.

I’m not sure the actual level of devastation experienced in the queer community at that time and during the aftermath has been accurately summed up. We’ve all lost so many people, and everyone who is left is exhausted.

Fast forward six years, and instead of efforts to support LGBTQ+ folks, Rep. Ben Koppelman fires the first shots with an anti-trans sports bill that a pre-presidency-ambitious Gov. Doug Burgum vetoed. I say shot, because that guy loves guns. Koppelman, I mean. That isn’t a criticism, just a fact. What I’m saying is I think he’d appreciate that little effort I put in to use the preferred verb.

But what happened in 2023 wasn’t what anyone was expecting. Twenty-some bills, targeting every which way of being trans. Not only that, they saw very little resistance across our chambers, scoring votes with almost every Republican. A little political engineering, some in-party bullying, and a moral panic about “transgenderism” suggesting we were somehow the greatest threat to America.

I spent 600 hours that session doing everything I possibly could to reduce the harm that I knew was happening. I wrote 25,000 words of testimony. I emailed constantly. I informed everyone. I had spent years doing research into outcomes, studying the medical data, working in health care, and personally experiencing the world as a trans person. I thought I could make a difference.

But … lawmakers don’t read testimony. They don’t have time. They’re as busy as I was, trying to weigh the merit of nearly 1,000 bills over 80 days. Their jobs are impossible. And it was after the session that I really started to understand all of this. I wanted to believe in people. I wanted to understand the systems and how they work. And despite the slaughter that was the 2023 session, I slowly pieced together that this wasn’t evil, malicious actors trying to hurt trans kids for no reason.

No, it was something else. It was the extension of the world we live in today that is so loud that we can’t listen to each other anymore. So divided, we can’t understand each other. So scared that we see nefarious plotting everywhere. And I think in times like these, looking at historical leaders and changemakers, the answer that always comes up within the circular history of our great trauma is the proverbial trust fall.

When two parties feel wronged, then someone has to be the first person to forgive, to listen, to be vulnerable, and open themselves up in the belief we can find common ground again. Because looking around at this … what we’re doing today. It’s gotten so ugly.

The bills of today

On Monday, I will be giving testimony against two bills that seek to erase trans people within North Dakota this year.

The first is House Bill 1181, which mirrors the intent of the Trump administration executive order declaring two sexes. The wording and application of House Bill 1181 are unclear for exactly what the bill will do or how it will be enforced, but the intent is clearly a message to insist trans people are not real people.

House Bill 1144 is the other bill that seeks to further restrict the possible options trans students have for using the restroom, going so far as to ban all non-gendered restrooms that have shared sinks. The unfortunate consequence is that these gender-neutral restrooms are modern designs that help all students ensure safety and privacy while allowing the schools to monitor for abuse.

A story that made national news just about a year ago was Nex Benedict, a trans kid who was often bullied and died by suicide shortly after being beaten unconscious in a bathroom. A kid who doesn’t seem all that different from Chance.

And what hurts is that after Chance died, after Nex died, and the seven years of data, articles, stories and screaming I’ve done in our state between these points in time — where are we? Nobody has to accept trans people, but why aren’t we all value-aligned in preventing bullying for youth? We hear so often trans kids just need therapy. OK, where is it? Where is that bill?

This year I tackled the legislative session as a suicide prevention advocate. I kept tabs on about 70 bills that I thought increased or reduced protective factors. I did this so I could show people more than just the bad news that makes the news. I did it so I could see the session with a broader lens. I did it so I could see that there are good people living and working here, that we are trying to do good things. And I thanked nearly 50 of our representatives for the bills they brought forward. Genuinely, because those bills gave me hope.

I submitted more testimony this year than in 2023 across bills impacting youth, mental health, suicide, food security and the public transport system. But the whole time, I was wondering. When will the trans bills hit? How far will they go? Who will we lose because of it? How do I stop that from happening?

And I looked at the data. I looked at the testimony. I looked at our lawmakers. I asked, what could I do to change this outcome? What is missing that I can control? And it was me.

To be honest, I’m an introvert who enjoys reading and playing video games. I like writing silly stories. Most of the world terrifies me. But I think about who I needed as a kid. I think about who Chance or Nex needed. I think about what trans kids today need to see. They need to see they can have a future. That they can survive today, find happiness and thrive.

I’m a grown-up who was once a trans kid that dropped out of Fargo North High because of bullying. I’m a survivor of suicide who has lived far longer than I ever thought I would and found happiness even in a state like North Dakota. And today I bridge the connection between our elders and youth. I’m an educator and researcher, I’m nonpartisan, and genuinely believe in our state and our future. I am a North Dakotan and I’ve dedicated my life to this state.

My personal hero and favorite author, Terry Pratchett, wrote the book “The Light Fantastic.” A story about a coward and a tourist who saves the world. And I learned that heroes didn’t need to be perfect. Heroes are the people who try even though they aren’t particularly gifted or courageous. I’m far from perfect, I don’t know all the answers, but I do my best every day.

No matter what happens with any bill this session, no bill is forever. And carving a better future isn’t determined in the battles of the day, but by applying ourselves with compassion and kindness to each other and ourselves every single day. I will always believe in North Dakota. I will always fight for hope in our state for everyone in it. And I will live and serve as a role model to trans kids and be the person that I never had growing up.

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[1] Url: https://northdakotamonitor.com/2025/03/24/an-introspection-of-trans-life-and-politics-in-north-dakota/

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