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The problem with the first drink ... • Daily Montanan [1]

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Date: 2025-07-01

I forgot my sobriety birthday last year, for reasons I can’t explain. It’s the first time that I can remember forgetting. But this year is different, for many reasons, the most important being that just a couple of weeks ago, one of my best friends in recovery passed away from an overdose.

It was a stark reminder of just how devastating this disease can be, and how dramatically things can change.

My friend worked very hard at his recovery for many years, and then he made some bad decisions that led to a series of relapses, and for the last few years, it was absolutely heartbreaking watching him try to get back to where he was a few years ago.

Diligence and perseverance are two of the most crucial qualities to sustaining a sober life, and once you lose one or the other of these, it can be frightening how hard it is to pull yourself back into that mindset. You’ve probably all experienced what it feels like to work out for a consistent period of time, and then get away from it. When you start again, it’s so easy to find excuses, especially the most convincing excuse, which is that you have plenty of time to resume your routine. That it doesn’t have to happen now. So you put it off one more day, and then one more day, and when you try to start over again, you get frustrated because it isn’t as easy as it was before. You can’t just pick up where you left off .

My friend couldn’t get back to the routine, and it became clear over time that what he really wanted was to to regain that feeling he had when he was sober without having to work as hard as he did those first few months or years that it took to achieve that level of serenity and well being. The hardest part about watching someone go through that is the helpless feeling of not knowing what to say. Because you both know that they know what they need to do. You both know that there’s no magic phrase or magic action that will restore that sense of happiness they once held so dear. It’s impossible.

So I have never felt as grateful as I do now for having been able to maintain my sobriety, for 42 years now.

Forty-two years ago today, I stood up from the dining room table and told my wife at the time that I needed to get drunk. She didn’t argue with me or try to stop me because she knew it wouldn’t work. I ended up going to a sad little bar that is about five blocks from the house where I live now. I drank a few shots of whiskey and a few bottles of beer before she somehow found me and walked in.

“Do you want to come home?” she asked, and I did.

I never imagined that would be my last drink. In fact, I didn’t trust myself for a couple of years after that because I had been relapsing for two-and-a-half years before that last time. But amazingly, it was the last time. And my life has been a magic carpet ride ever since, filled with tragedy and triumph, sadness and absolute joy. Pain and euphoria. But never, ever dull.

I would not be who I am today without sobriety. I would never have had the persistence to become a writer, much less publish eight books. The rejection would have killed whatever motivation I had years ago.

And I never would have taken the risk to explore mediums that were completely out of my comfort zone, like doing a radio show or a podcast. I didn’t have the confidence or the ability to ignore people who find it necessary to criticize or even sabotage my work. I firmly believe in the saying that you hear often in AA, that what other people think of you is none of your business. I also believe that seeking revenge is like digging two graves. So I leave that to others. I seek to put positive vibes into the world, and even when I fail, I know I’m doing the best I can, as long as I don’t take that first drink.

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