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Disconnected in a connected world: Our critical need to communicate better • Daily Montanan [1]

['Kee Dunning', 'George Ochenski', 'Darrell Ehrlick', 'Hilary Eisen', 'More From Author', 'August', '.Wp-Block-Co-Authors-Plus-Coauthors.Is-Layout-Flow', 'Class', 'Wp-Block-Co-Authors-Plus', 'Display Inline']

Date: 2024-08-21

Despite technology like social media, texting, and video chats making it easier than ever to stay connected, we are, sadly, more disconnected than ever–and the fallout isn’t pretty.

Remote work and less and less in-person interaction has left many of us feeling dissatisfied and lacking purpose. Our relationships have become strained. We’ve become immune to the feelings of those around us. We have become starved for connection, so much so that at any given time one out of every three Americans is suffering from profound loneliness. That loneliness puts us at increased risk for depression, anxiety, suicide, and stress-related physical ailments like heart disease, stroke and dementia.

Did you know loneliness can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day? It’s that serious.

The thing is, social connection is hard-wired into human behavior–literally. Neurons in our brains are stimulated when we interact with other people. Even though connection is the essential glue of our lives, we don’t know how to communicate effectively with one another.

Take a look at any political ad out there right now. Most of them are dominated by name calling, accusations, and a hefty dose of deflection. And, if we’re honest, those ads look a lot like many of our daily interactions.

We can–and must–do better. A lot better.

Effective communication skills not only enable us to express our needs and ideas, but they also allow us to be seen and heard. Better communication skills make us better listeners. As a result, we become more empathetic to others. We are able to build trust and resolve conflict, which then improves our relationships and increases our self-confidence and self-worth.

There is absolutely no downside to better communication, and we all can easily (yes, really) learn how to do it.

First, it is important to recognize that communication is about much more than words. It’s about actively listening. It’s seeing and accepting each person for who they are. It’s respecting and validating their thoughts and feelings.

These insights are what helped me create the Kee Concepts of Communication. I use them every single day to guide my interactions with my patients (and everyone else in my life!). In turn, the Kee Concepts empower them to navigate complicated emotions, challenging situations, and everyday interactions of their own.

Let’s dive in.

The six Kee Concepts of Communication are:

RESPECT–The foundation of the Kee Concepts, respect is also the foundation on which all human interaction should be based. A universal statement heard in therapy with children is, “I just want them to listen to me.” Every one of us wants to be heard. Respect means being heard. LISTEN AND VALIDATE–As adults, we often feel a need to fix problems for our children or talk them out of what they are thinking or feeling. The reality is, our children don’t want adults to fix things or convince them to change their minds or feel a different way. Instead, they want validation that we have actually heard what they are saying and verbally recognized the emotion of what they are communicating. WHAT DON’T I KNOW?–As human beings, we all pass judgment on other people multiple times a day, sometimes without even consciously realizing we are doing so. Imagine, if instead of passing judgment, we stop and ask ourselves, “What don’t I know about this person I am interacting with?” We all have experiences that influence the way we approach our lives and affording one another a little grace goes a long way. MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE, NOT WHERE YOU WANT THEM TO BE–Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and thought, “I know exactly what you need to do!”? Or perhaps you have even said, “You must do (fill in the blank). That’s the right thing to do.” Instead, allow that person the opportunity to find their own way, even if it is not the way you would choose or advise. DON’T FEED THE BEARS–Bears come in many forms–your child, spouse, significant other, family members, bosses, coworkers, patients, and students. A bear feeding session may start like a straightforward conversation between two individuals but, along the way, shifts when one person no longer feels as if the other is listening or validating their thoughts or concerns. Heads up: A bear’s favorite foods are fighting words like “never” and “always.” BACK OUT OF THE POWER STRUGGLE–It’s easier than you may think to find yourself in communication with a hungry bear. The best strategy? Operate from a place of love and respect by listening and validating, which communicates to the other person that they have been heard and that they matter.

Without a doubt, the most rewarding part of my work during the last 40 years of counseling children and their families has been watching them find their voice, discover their self-worth, and build trusting relationships through the Kee Concepts of Communication. You can do it, too.

Go ahead, try it. You’ve got nothing to lose and so much to gain.

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[1] Url: https://dailymontanan.com/2024/08/21/disconnected-in-a-connected-world-our-critical-need-to-communicate-better/

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