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Podcast: Fighting to be seen with Sihle [1]

['Akwe Amosu']

Date: 2025-07-11

“Where Are You REALLY From?” is a podcast series from Global Voices that emerged from a panel at the December 2024 Global Voices summit in Nepal, where members of the Global Voices community shared their experiences of dealing with other people's perceptions about their diverse and complex origin stories. In each episode, we invite our guests to reflect on the assumptions that lie behind the question, “But where are you really from?” and how they respond.

The podcast is hosted by Akwe Amosu, who works in the human rights sector after an earlier career in journalism and is also a coach and a poet. She is a co-chair of the Global Voices board. She's in conversation with Sihle Nxumalo, a former stateless person who is now part of the leadership of the Global Movement against Statelessness.

The transcript of this episode has been edited for clarity.

Akwe Amosu (AA): Hello and welcome to Where Are You Really From? A podcast that explores identities. I'm Akwe Amosu, and today I'm speaking to Sihle Nxumalo. Excuse me for mispronouncing your name, Sihle.

Sihle Nxumalo (SN): You pronounced it correctly.

AA: Thank you.

SN: Thank you for having me. Thank you for that kindness.

AA: So, Sihle, why do people ask you this question? Where are you really from?

SN: It's because I was born in Durban, South Africa, and I was given away to foster care in a different province, the Limpopo province in South Africa. And growing up, I couldn't really speak the local language that well. And so people were curious as to why I could not speak the local language that well. And so they would want to know where I'm from, where I live. But then they'll be like, no, where are you really from? Because you don't speak the language, so you can't be really from here. And so that's why people would normally ask that question.

AA: What would that feel like for you?

SN: A bit strange — people wanting to know where I'm really from and not wanting to know where I am. And so, yeah, it felt quite strange people wanting to know where am I really, really from.

AA: And then how did you react? Like, what did you say?

SN: I would usually tell them where I was born, and they would understand why I couldn't really speak the language because I was born in a different province. And so, yeah, people would understand owing to that, yes.

AA: So do you think it's just neutral curiosity, they just wanted to know a bit more about you, or was there something else behind the question

SN: I think it was more out of curiosity — wanting to know where this person really is from, because he doesn't seem to be a local person. Where were you born? You know, where are your parents from? And so I think it was mostly out of curiosity.

AA: And for you, does that end the question? Once you've answered the question, they know what they want to know, and you've said what you need to say, and everything's fine? Or does it leave some kind of feeling behind afterwards, of maybe I don't really belong here, or?

SN: Maybe I wish I'd said something different. I'm just curious about what it leaves behind when you get asked this question. Yeah, you would get that feeling as if I don't really believe this, or I'm not a part of the community. It makes me feel different from other people. And the most interesting thing is that in my late teens, I went back to the province where I was born and found my biological mother. And so when I moved in with my biological mother, people from my hometown would ask me the exact same question because now I can't speak the local language that well. So they will be like, “Are you really from Limpopo?” Like “No I was born here. I'm from here.” And it will be difficult for them to understand or to believe that because my accent is different. I can't speak the local language that well.

And so that was very interesting, that I would get the question from both sides. And so even in my hometown, I felt like an outsider because people would want to know, “Where are you really from?” And I'm from there,e and people found it hard to believe because of my accent. And so, yeah, it would leave me feeling like an outsider, feeling like I don't really belong. Yeah, that's what I would get.

AA: And I guess, yeah, you're caught between two schools. You can't belong in any one of those two places.

SN: Exactly, exactly. I felt like an outsider, a foreigner, even in my hometown. So it was quite strange.

AA: Why do you think it matters so much to people to know this about you?

SN: I don't know why it matters so much where I'm from. I guess people just want to understand you better, maybe, or want to have reasons. They need answers or reasons as to why you don't have the local accent. Why can't you speak the language. And so people just want to answer the questions that they have running in their minds. And so they want to satisfy the questions that they have in their minds. Yeah, I guess just to satisfy themselves basically.

AA: So you're back with your mom at that time, and you're living in a community that really ought to have felt like yours, but people weren't sure that you were really a member. What were the consequences of not really belonging there in their minds?

SN: I think people tend to mistrust people that are not like them. And so I feel like there was a bit of a mistrust of who I am. What are my intentions here? Why am I different from them? Why am I not like them? So I think it's their own personal issue that they have. They don't feel comfortable with outsiders and people that don't look or speak like them. There's a mistrust there as to whether he's not one of us, he may not be united with us, or in solidarity with us. And so there's a bit of a mistrust there.

AA: So I'm curious about what you would like to say about yourself if the conditions are right, if you're not worried about the consequences, what do you feel you are?

SN: I feel I am a South African. What language I speak and where I grew up doesn't really matter and shouldn't really matter, as long as I am doing the right thing and doing the best that I can to serve the community, to unite with the people, to make friends. And so, where I am really from doesn't really matter. It's just what type of person I am. And people can judge me on my character rather than where I come from, where I grew up, or what language I speak. But my character should speak for itself.

AA: And how soon in your life did you come to that conclusion? I mean, it's one thing to be an adult, confident that you can hold your head up. But I think when you're young and not quite so secure, it's a bit more scary to take that view or not. I don't know. What was it like for you trying to assert that as a young person?

SN: As a young person, I tried to keep my friends or acquaintances very small. There were a few people who trusted me, who would do things with me. And so I didn't really navigate it as a child. I think I stayed away from that as a child and tend to keep a small circle of friends that understood me better and wouldn't have all these questions running in their minds. And so I tried to avoid putting myself out there.

AA: And do you think that the adults around you knew or understood that this was what was going on in your mind?

SN: I don't think so. I don't think they had a clue what was happening because I also wouldn't voice my feelings that much. I would just keep it to myself. Maybe I'd confide in a friend, but I would avoid it most of the time. I wouldn't speak out about it. I wouldn't let the adults know how I was feeling. And so it was just a personal thing that I had going on in my mind.

AA: How do you think you have managed to survive that sense of insecurity and lack of safety to come to a place where you can now proudly say, I'm South African, it's who I am, not where I come from that matters?

SN: You know, at the time when I was fighting for my South African citizenship, that's when I became emboldened. That's when I became more aware of who I am, and I became not afraid of voicing myself and letting people know who exactly I am. And whether they accepted it or not, it didn't matter to me because I knew the truth. I wasn't afraid of people asking me that question. I just stood on my character and what I knew to be the truth.

AA: And why did you have to fight for your citizenship?

SN: Because I grew up in foster care. I had no birth certificate or anything. And the foster care that I grew up in also didn't help me get a birth certificate at my young age. I didn't even know that I was stateless until almost the end of school. That's when I realized that, hey, I don't have a birth certificate. I cannot get an identity card. And so I have to go out there and try to find my biological parent in order for me to try to get my citizenship.

And so, I had to make the bold step of moving from one province as a young teenager to another one in Durban, where I had to go and look for my biological mother, and I found her. And then from there, I also got some answers about who I really am, where I was born, and who my parents are. My mother uses a different surname from me. I didn't even know that. And I got to understand myself and where I come from much better.

AA: So we started this conversation just focusing on where in South Africa you came from. and the questions people asked you about that. But now I'm understanding how much broader and deeper this question is. It's not just about what region or city you come from. It's just having an identity from scratch with the state. That's a big deal for a young person to have to deal with.

SN: Yes. It was very frustrating because the home affairs department wasn't of much help to me — especially because my mother died a few months after I found her. So I was left to fight the citizenship battle on my own. Without an elder or a parent with you, it becomes more difficult because the department won't listen to what you have to say. They want a parent or an elder there that can vouch for you. I didn't have anybody, having grown up in foster care. I had no family, I didn't know anybody, and so it was a battle that I had to fight alone, basically.

That was a very difficult period of my life. It was very exhausting. It made me question a lot about who I am and why I am here. It even brought me, at times, to have suicidal thoughts. And so it was a very, very difficult period in my life. But I was very resilient. I soldiered on. And in the end, I achieved what I set out to achieve. And today I have my South African citizenship. And I'm proud of my resilience and my hard work that I put in, the suffering that I had to go through — being told that I don't even exist.

The department told me, “ To us, basically, you don't even exist.” And I would ask the question, “What do you mean I don't exist? I'm standing right in front of you. You can see me. What do you mean I don't exist?” And that was very hurtful and painful. But in the end, it all paid off. And today, I am a proper South African citizen with documents. So I'm proud of what I was able to achieve.

AA: It is truly an impressive struggle. And I really salute that you've been able to fight through and reach this point. Thank you so much. I think there are going to be many people who are given some courage listening to you, knowing that they face problems, but that it's possible to prevail. Thank you so much.

SN: I really appreciate the opportunity.

[END]
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