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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-09-10
Oozing Vanilla Pudding?
Desi Lydic, fresh off of winning a pair of Emmy Awards for her work on The Daily Show, reminds you that new CDC guidelines make clear what now constitutes a healthy individual in the United Pustules of America...
x Trump's CDC has new standards for what a healthy person looks like — The Daily Show (@thedailyshow.com) 2025-09-05T18:22:40.479Z
And remember: if you’re feeling like things in your body are working normally, take two Ivermectin suppositories and seek medical help from a random crypto bro immediately. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, September 10, 2025
Note: Tomorrow is Kos's birthday. Just so you and I don’t get him the same thing: I bought him a Tickle Me George Soros action figure with freedom-strangling grip and a copy of Das Kapital with a hidden dagger inside. Maybe you can get him another pair of biking socks?
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By the Numbers:
4 days!!!
Days 'til Indigenous Peoples Day: 33
Days 'til Maine's Farmington Fair: 4
Year-over-year increase in used car prices as of August: 2%
National median home listing price in July, according to Realtor.com: $439,450
The most a homebuyer who earns the median U.S. household income can afford to spend on a home: $298,000
Average annual temperature increase in the U.S. since 1895: 2.2F
Current worldwide box office gross for the horror film Weapons: $251,544
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 182 (including 3 tribulation temples and 1 interesting question). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Soaking in the zen….
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CHEERS to Trickle-down Tariff Mania Yeahhhhh!!!!! Be honest: who among us wants to do that stupid thing called "making stuff and getting paid for it?" Bleccchh!! No, thank you. That's why I was so happy to read this morning that President Donald J. Trump is giving the people of this great country the BIG, BEAUTIFUL GIFT of not having to make stuff for money:
Employers shed 12,000 manufacturing jobs in August, while payrolls in the sector have shrunk by 42,000 since April, according to anew analysis from the Center for American Progress (CAP) that draws on government labor data. The new official seal of the United States. The nonpartisan policy institute attributes that decline to the Trump administration's steep new tariffs; hardline stance on immigration; and the Republican-backed "big, beautiful bill," a tax and spending package enacted by Mr. Trump in July that CAP says hurts renewable energy companies by phasing out certain tax credits. The drop comes as hiring overall has slowed sharply in recent months.
Another bonus of not having to go through all the rigmarole associated with "having a job": more time we can spend marveling at our Glorious Leader's impressive knowledge of the monetary value of used, underage female sex victims. Fearless prediction: he may not win the Nobel Peace Prize, but I say he's got the one for economics in the bag.
JEERS to the start of our new national nightmare. Congress gaveled back into session this week, and one thing we know: at the stroke of midnight on September 30th, if a new budget hasn’t been passed, the doors close again, the locks go click, Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson turns back into a bowl of weird gumbo, and once again the country's honor devolves into the laughingstock of the 21st century world. To clarify the situation and what it means, here's a summary of the online press coverage:
Blah blah blah both sides are responsible … Blah blah blah why aren’t Democrats doing anything about it? … Blah blah blah this is a great opportunity for Donald Trump … Blah blah blah WHAT’S ELON MUSK’S POLICY POSITION ON GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWNS???!!! … Jake Tapper is confused, but pretty sure this is all the Democrats' fault … [Pop-up ad] … [Another pop-up ad] … [More pop-up ads] …that's all I can muster because the goddamn pop-up ads are covering my screen six-deep… [Slams laptop shut]
Please note that, if there’s a shutdown, the faces on Mount Rushmore will be put in storage and replaced with cardboard cutouts. If the shutdown persists, the cardboard cutouts will be put in storage and replaced with four coconuts, said a cardboard cutout of a Park Service spokesman moments before he was replaced with a coconut by his cardboard cutout supervisor
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to cutting corners: American Gestapo Edition. It's no surprise that the back-breaking job of justifying the violent kidnapping and imprisonment of anyone with brown skin would fall by the wayside under the lazy management of the Republican party. But let's seal the atrocities in amber for posterity, shall we?
For more than 15 years, before they conducted any operation to arrest an immigrant in the United States, officers with Immigration and Customs Enforcement’s Enforcement and Removal Operations division have been required to fill out a form with details about their target—name, appearance, known addresses and employment, immigration history, any criminal history and more—and give it to a supervisor for approval. This year, in a sign of how the agency has moved from targeted enforcement to broad street sweeps under the Trump administration, that policy has been ended. … “It’s hard to fill out a worksheet that just says, ‘Meet in the Home Depot parking lot,’” one of the former ICE officials said. The decision was made because of a perception that the worksheet is “a waste of time,” [former ICE agent Darius Reeves] said, but he said he believes it is actually “a very valuable necessity” now “bypassed … so they could keep constantly flooding the streets” with officers.
The real reason for the change: it was taking too long for tutors to teach the agents how to read and write. (In fairness, we’re told that as of this morning nearly half of them can now spell "ICE.")
CHEERS to talkin' and textin' and takin' pitchurs…oh my! In a ritual now more widely anticipated than the unveiling of the latest Ben & Jerry's flavor, Apple unveiled its latest iPhone yesterday by executives in turtlenecks taking turns walking around a stage muttering about their Power Point presentation, "Hmm, that's weird—it worked fine in rehearsal" to wild distorted cheers and applause from their millions of fans. Among the alleged new secrets of the iPhone 17:
» 34xT569yu to replace the 34xT569yt » 56907bit656789 » Ice cream maker » Hurricane shifter The iPhone 16 also comes with this handy new storage case. » fRPohtRtEty technology » 18 cameras with free starter pack of flash bulbs » Fully dockable with the International Space Station (Suck it, Boeing.) » Built-in slingshot that can whip a peach pit with 100% accuracy from 80 yards » Optional 23iTT59097 pack to enhance the 34xT569yu (But don’t use it to enhance your 5675jg77 or the room's gonna get real smoky real fast.) » Butt-ID unlocking feature » A mystery feature that you’ll discover when it turns on at 3am » Tim Cook will have a drone come to your house and deliver a pot pie he made himself with his own two hands and lots of love
All very impressive. But it doesn’t matter from where I stand. I’m still holding out for the most important feature I require in a smart phone: a beeper that goes off right before I’m about to walk into a lamp post.
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 10, 2015
JEERS to head-shaking moments. A day after saying she had no reason to apologize for whatever the fuck this email thing is all about, Hillary Clinton apologized for whatever the fuck this email thing is all about. Now she owes us all an apology for apologizing. Then she'll owe an apology for apologizing for her apology for…whatever, I just lost the narrative. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em—I'm thinking this is going to be the mother of all vicious circles. Hillary should apologize for that, too. Unless she shouldn't.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a promising image. Big news down Texas-way yesterday as Democratic state Representative James Talarico officially threw his hat in the ring for a seat in the upper chamber in D.C. Apparently he's a good talker and more cattle than hat, but he'll still have a helluva time winning against either MAGA incumbent John Cornyn or Cornyn's primary challenger Ken Paxton. At the same time, this image on his campaign site…
…reminds me of another Texas teacher who made it to the Senate: the mighty Lyndon Johnson. Just a gut feeling at this point, but if Talarico can combine Texas Tough and San Antonio Smarts, who knows? (But if he tries to pick up a beagle by the ears, all bets are off.)
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial Boos of Bill in Portland Maine heard in Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool. Good! —Nancy Armour, USA Today
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[END]
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