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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-09-03
“You can love the flag like he does...”
Via The Daily Show, finally there’s a solution for all the MAGA cis males out there who can’t get a date no matter how hard they lie on their dating apps. This one—Dear Leader-approved by 1,500 percent—never says no…
x When it comes to the American flag, don’t desecrate, just fornicate — The Daily Show (@thedailyshow.com) 2025-08-26T16:41:49.641Z
Please note that due to the tariffs, the cost of your new little lovebird is now “everything in your bank account.”
Have fun.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, September 3, 2025
Note: I'm sorry, but my religion forbids me from writing notes. But I'm sure there's one in the next county that they'll be willing to let you read. Have a blessed day!
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By the Numbers:
Starts Friday!!!
Days 'til election day 2025: 62
Days 'til Ohio's Lithopolis Honeyfest: 2
Number of Guatemalan children kidnapped by ICE that a judge has prevented from being deported: 600
Number of court cases Kilmar Abrego Garcia is currently waging as he fights to stay in the U.S.: 3
Percent support for labor unions, according to Gallup: 68%
Tonight’s Powerball jackpot: $1.3 billion
Date Willie Nelson and Bob Dylan are headlining the Outlaw Music Festival in Bangor, Maine: 9/5/25
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 181 (including 4 ecumenisms and 1 Uber driver from Hell). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Hello, down there…
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CHEERS to putting on your best frowny face and getting down to business. Two more signs that summer vacation season has ended and folks are heading back to work: Congress is back in session this week and daycares are open again. There will be lots of crying and stamping of feet and screams of "Mine Mine Mine!" as a room full of whiny brats hurls childish insults while feasting on paste and magic marker fumes. And I bet the toddlers at daycare will be just as bad.
CHEERS to having the courage to speak out. Today could be—should be—a watershed moment in the Epstein files scandal. Congressmen Ro Khanna (D-CA) and Thomas Massie (R-NY) are now working to get the 218 votes needed to force the Justice Department to fulfill their promise to release the files—"sitting on my desk now," according to Attorney General Pam Bondi. And when their constituents and the general public hear what several of Epstein's victims have to say today, securing them should be easy:
“What will be explosive is the September 3rd press conference that both of us are having with 10 Epstein victims, many who have never spoken out before,” Khanna said in remarks that aired Aug. 31. At the news conference, planned for the steps of the Capitol, Epstein’s victims “will be saying clearly to the American public that they want the release of the Epstein files for full closure on this matter,” he said. The Epstein controversy has created a schism between President Donald Trump and his MAGA base. His supporters have pushed back on the Republican administration's attempt to close the book on Epstein after Trump and his backers helped to heighten expectations of blockbuster revelations.
And a quick recap here: the MAGA cult wants the files released because they believe they're full of Democrats who preyed on these women when they were underage. But their cult leader, Mad King Trump, doesn’t want them released because he knows they're full of him. Thus explaining why you saw the chair of the RNC buying extra collision coverage last week.
CHEERS to the happiest ending...evuh! On September 3, 1783, our War of Independence ended when a treaty was signed by Great Britain and the United States:
It was signed in Paris by Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, and John Jay. Actual pen used to sign the treaty. Under the terms of the treaty, Britain recognized the independent nation of the United States of America. Britain agreed to remove all of its troops from the new nation. The treaty also set new borders for the United States, including all land from the Great Lakes on the north to Florida on the south, and from the Atlantic Ocean to the Mississippi River. ...The United States also agreed not to persecute loyalists still in America and allow those that left America to return.
Afterward, the founding fathers got together in a circle, held hands, and recited the Pledge of Allegiance. And then Jesus rode in on a dinosaur with news he had just finished digging the Grand Canyon. The things you learn on Conservapedia these days…
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to order in the court…again. They whacked the Mad King on his kidnappings and deportations. They whacked him again on his tariffs. And now the Judicial Branch has ruled that Trump's war on our great American cities is unconstitutional and needs to stop:
A federal judge in California has ruled that President Donald Trump's deployment of the National Guard to Los Angeles this summer was illegal. Quite a defense weapon this has become. The ruling comes as Trump seeks to use National Guard troops in order to crack down on crime in other US cities and support immigration enforcement. [...] U.S. District Judge Charles Breyer ruled on Tuesday that the government had violated the Posse Comitatus Act, which limits the power of the federal government to use military force for domestic matters. […] He warned that Trump and Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth ran the risk of "creating a national police force with the President as its chief."
Judge Breyer's ruling means the Guard is no longer allowed to "engage in arrests, apprehensions, searches, seizures, security patrols, traffic control, crowd control, riot control, evidence collection, interrogation, or acting as informants." But they're totally free to pick up litter and spread mulch. Um…Huzzah???
CHEERS to pigskin fever. On this date in 1895, the first professional football game was played. The Latrobe (PA) YMCA defeated the Jeannette Athletic Club 12-0. Scandal erupted when half-time entertainer John Phillip Sousa—in the first documented "wardrobe malfunction"—reached down and "accidentally" ripped a piece of a piccolo player's stocking to reveal an exposed ankle. Thank god she was wearing a "fibula medallion" or there would’ve been a riot.
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 3, 2015
JEERS to bad intel. All along, the teabaggers have insisted with unerring certainty that President Obama was going to invade Texas to take their guns and bibles. They had lines of defenses set up outside every Applebee's and every Wal-Mart and even Granny Higgenbotham had herself set up with a lawn chair and a shotgun in front of the Alamo. America was counting on them to protect the homeland from the president and they promised to deliver. Turns out they all got duped: Obama actually showed up in Alaska to take their cinnamon rolls. From now on you can just call him…The Phantom.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to cool science. When all the death, doom and destruction get to be too much, there's always one place I can count on to restore my faith in humanity. I'm speaking of course about Dairy Queen. But when they're closed the next-best place is, of course, NASA, a jewel in the federal government's crown and an agency worth every tax dollar we send its way. If you happen to live under a sky, here's a preview of what you'll be seeing this month, courtesy of NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory:
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Remember this important lesson: In space nobody can hear you scream. So make sure your texting device is fully charged so you can at least successfully type Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial ‘Lesson in Humility’: CEO Who Sparked Outrage for Snatching Bill in Portland Maine Away From Cheers and Jeers Kiddie Pool Admits ‘Serious Mistake’ —Mediaite
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[END]
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