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Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY! [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-07-25
Late Night Snark: What Have We HERE??? Edition
“You’re best friends with a pedophile for ten years ONE TIME, and the world never forgets it. But, yeah, this whole time Trump already knew he was in the Epstein files. Which is a good reminder that if someone’s acting guilty, they’re probably guilty. No one’s ever like, ‘Don’t look at my browser history, you’ll see all the charities I volunteer for.' ” —The Daily Show's Josh Johnson “Meanwhile, newly uncovered footage shows that Jeffrey Epstein attended Trump’s second wedding in 1993. It was nice. You had the bride, the groom, the groomer… Epstein ordered the fish. His date ordered grilled cheese off the kids menu.” —Jimmy Fallon “The White House released a memo outlining President Trump’s health issues, which said the bruising on the back of his hand is, ‘consistent with minor soft tissue irritation from frequent hand shaking.’ I just love that his followers have to somehow reconcile this idea that he’s this powerful strong man, but also he gets bruises if you touch him. He’s the indestructible savior of America, but also he’s basically a plum.” —Seth Meyers x Hey, Satan! pic.twitter.com/JQzbcWVUbm — South Park (@SouthPark) July 24, 2025 Guess who doesn’t want you to see this? - “Last year, [CBS's parent company] Paramount laid off 2,000 employees, and then cut another several hundred just last month. Firing that many people and then handing over $36 million to a guy who is putting your neighbors in camps, all because of a lawsuit that your own lawyers said was completely without merit. If that’s true, that would make CBS morally bankrupt. Also: bankrupt.” —Stephen Colbert "If you're wondering why Stephen's show is ending, I don't think the answer can be found in some smoking-gun email, or phone call from Trump to CBS executives, or in CBS's QuickBooks spreadsheets on the financial health of late-night. I think the answer is in the fear and pre-compliance that is gripping all of America's institutions at this very moment—institutions that have chosen not to fight the vengeful and vindictive actions of our pubic hair-doodling commander in chief." —Jon Stewart “You can’t spell CBS without BS.” —Caption under a compilation video of CBS snubs over the years of The Late Show posted by David Letterman on his You Tube channel
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, July 25, 2025
Note: A quick heads-up that there will be no C&J on Monday as we'll be retroactively winning the 2006 Megabucks jackpot and telling everybody they can piss off because We’re RICH RICH RICH ha ha haaaa!!!! Back Tuesday to beg everybody's forgiveness when we realize that we retroactively blew our fortune on cocaine and hookers in 2007. —Mgr.
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By the Numbers:
5 days!!!
Days 'til National Lighthouse Day: 13
Days 'til California's Ventura County Fair: 5
Current rank of Barack Obama, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Kamala Harris on pollster YouGov's Popular Politicians list: #1, #2, #3
Rank of House Speaker Mike Johnson and Senate Majority Leader John Thune: #66, #182
Drop in Tesla revenue during the 2nd quarter, its second consecutive quarterly decline (and its stock price is down 18% for the year): 16%
Age of Ozzy Osbourne when he died Tuesday: 76
Amount Ozzy raised for charity during his final performance two weeks ago: $190 million
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…
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CHEERS to clarity. I don’t normally post press releases, but this is the latest from the White House on the Epstein files, which we learned on Wednesday contained several references to the president in contradiction to his previous assertions. Just my opinion, but I think it's the right move for them to come clean and address the issue head-on:
Official Statement on the Epstein Files July 25, 2025 President Barack HUSSEIN Obama committed TREASON and SEDAYTIOUSNESS when he created the Deep State and used it to steal all the dolls that were supposed to go to all the children this CHRISTmas, along with all the pencils. In addition, the Washington Whatevers team hasn't yet changed their name to my recommended and beloved name the Smallpox Wampum Traders, so we are very SERIOSULY looking into bombing their precious stadium, but not before we Make America Great Again by putting the cocaine back into Coca-Cola, sending Hillary to jail for those nasty lady emails, and getting all the late-night hosts sent to Gitmo for their INSULINCE! Quick—look over there! See that? Why don’t you stop reading this and go find out what it is! It might be a coupon good for a 1,500% price drop on your next purchase of pharmaceutical drugs. Such a big beautiful word, coupon. Who knew we had coupons in this country? The press should be talking MORE about coupons, and also groceries, nobody knows about them because they won’t report on them as they’re too busy writing fake stories. In conclusion: this is all Sleepy Joe Biden's fault and my ankles are swollen with patriotism and NOTHING ELSE. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
Sounds angry. He didn’t dot his i's with little hearts this time.
CHEERS to order in the court. What part of "no" does Mad King TACO not understand? Probably the parts contained in the "n" and the "o." So don’t expect this latest "ixnay" on a Republican wet dream to sink in any more than all the other ones. Still, this is good:
Donald Trump’s effort to repeal birthright citizenship has hit another a stumbling block, with a federal appeals court in San Francisco declaring the president’s attempt unconstitutional. A gavel. The three-judge ruling panel in the 9th US circuit court of appeals echoed a district court in New Hampshire that blocked the executive order earlier this month. “The district court correctly concluded that the executive order’s proposed interpretation, denying citizenship to many persons born in the United States, is unconstitutional. We fully agree,” the verdict said.
Said the lead White House lawyer to the judicial panel: "What does a guy have to do to shred the Constitution around here?!!" Responded the judges: "The Supreme Court is that-a-way…"
CHEERS to the end of the end. It was all over for Tricky Dick 51 years ago this Sunday, thanks to a 27-11 vote by the House Judiciary Committee to adopt the first of three articles of impeachment against President Nixon who, said ABC News's Tom Jarrell at the time, was "presumably still in his swim trunks" while on vacation in California when he heard the news. Meanwhile, then-VP Gerald Ford just couldn’t help but play a little game of up-is-downism:
Ford: It's interesting that every Democrat on the committee—north and south—voted for the article. ... It tends to make it a partisan issue. Oh, just GTFO already. Reporter: Even if one-third of Republicans voted for it? Ford: Well, the fact that every one of the Democrats voted for it, I think, uh, lends credence that it's a partisan issue, even though some Republicans have deviated.
..said the Republican who later unilaterally exonerated the Republican crook. But, hey, what's a little hypocrisy among friends?
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to finding true (state-mandated-under-penalty-of-forced-labor) love. Aww, don’t ya just love it when ruthless dictators get twitterpated? That was the big story coming out of North Korea 16 years ago, when Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un married Ri Sol-Ju after realizing that his biological clock was ticking ticking ticking. This year they exchanged the traditional 16-year anniversary gifts. Hers to him: a clock and a gift certificate for a shampoo and perm at Awful Cuts. His to her: a My Husband Played Donald Trump for a Sucker and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt t-shirt. [Dabs eyes with handkerchief.] That's amore.
CHEERS to home vegetation. It’s still the middle of summer (I checked), and that means the networks remain a weekend banquet of little more than fighting shows, game shows, news shows, dating shows, cop shows, and, if you’re ABC’s 20/20 , NBC’s Dateline or CBS’s 48 Hours, grisly murder shows. Whoopie.
If you want to dive into something streaming, you can see what looks good at Rotten Tomatoes. Sports: the MLB schedule is here and the WNBA schedule is here. 60 Minutes features encores of reports on Argentina’s notorious 1970s-era “death flights” and a profile of John Oliver. Speaking of which, Sunday night said Mr. Oliver wraps up the previous seven days with a new episode of HBO’s Last Week Tonight.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Reps. Ro Khanna (D-CA) and Thomas Massie (Fascist-KY); House Speaker Cowardly Lion Johnson (Fascist-LA); Trump Turd Polisher and Lindsey Graham (Fascist-SC). Love your new logo, CBS. This Week: The wacky duo Ro Khanna (D-CA) and Thomas Massie (Fascist-KY) perform again; Save the Children Gaza Humanitarian Director Rachael Cummings; ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith. Face CBS’s Trump Butt Kissers: Senator Chris Van Hollen (D-MD) gets grilled up, down, and sideways over OBAMA’S SEDAYTIOUSNESS; Director of Destroying the Office of Management and Budget Russ Vought gets a gentle tongue bath. CNN's State of the Union: Senators Mark Kelly (D-AZ) and Markwayne Sissypants (Fascist-OK); Director of Destroying the Office of Management and Budget Russ Vought. Fox Fascism Sunday: Reps. Rick Crawford (Fascist-AR) and Jason Crow (D-CO).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 25, 2015
CHEERS to going home to your home away from home. The President of the United States returned to visit his family members in Africa today. Some background:
This week’s visit to Kenya, followed by a stop in Ethiopia, will be his fourth trip to sub-Saharan Africa as president, more than any of his predecessors made. He will be the first sitting president to visit either Kenya or Ethiopia, and he hopes to reinforce efforts to bring electricity, security and democracy to Africa. […] Obama’s successor will never receive a warm international welcome like this. Never. He never really knew his father, whom he met only once, when he was 10, but he felt a connection that eventually took him to Kenya in 1987. He spent several weeks sleeping on the living room sofa of his half sister, Auma, who taught at the University of Nairobi, and meeting the many relatives of the various wings of the family. He traveled to his father’s home village—“there was a goat in my lap,” he recalled—and met his grandfather’s last wife, known as Mama Sarah, whom he called Granny even though there was no blood tie. In the book, he wrote that for the first time, he enjoyed “the comfort, the firmness of identity.”
[…] Given security and logistical concerns, Mr. Obama will not be able to visit his father’s village. Instead, his relatives, including Mama Sarah, will be brought to him in Nairobi.
I have to admit: never did I think I'd ever write "The President of the United States returned to visit his family members in Africa today." Life is full of surprises.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to extreme Dilleyness. Here at C&J we're fond of making mental notes to revisit right-wing predictions and check under the hood for signs of true prescience. This one from 2012 ripened five years ago and was totally, horribly wrong. But I’m a patient fact-checker, so I’m willing to revisit this beyond its sell-by date, just in case he was off by a bit. The writer, a “meteorology researcher" named David Dilley, made a bold prediction 13 years ago via a letter to Maine's largest newspaper The Portland Press Herald. And here it is:
Several researchers such as myself (Global Weather Oscillations Inc.) are predicting a natural and very dramatic global cooling to begin within the next eight years. Are the governments of the world prepared for this event, or merely stuck in the political agenda mud? —David Dilley
It turns out that Dilley—or, if you prefer, “Mr. Mud”—was on former global warming-denier and now-deceased Senator James Inhofe's list of climate "experts.” I can virtually guarantee you they didn't think anyone would remember to check up on the above outrageous prediction. Then again, I can also guarantee you they had no idea they were dealing with world-famous Fact Checker Billeh, who taped it to the fridge and saw it every damn day for eight years (and beyond). Had they been right, this is what Miami would look like today:
Instead, just one year ago we saw the hottest day for planet Earth on record. We're sure Mr. Dilley regrets his ongoing epic failure as a "meteorology researcher," and will feel much embarrassment as he informs his Republican partners that their massive investment in his Florida chain of Dilley's Earmuffs and Snowshoes emporiums failed to pan out. Better luck next time, guys.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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