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Jewish DemSocs 4 Zohran: “Nobody likes AIPAC” [1]

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Date: 2025-07-13

It’s five minutes after the hour. This meeting of Jewish Democratic Socialists for Zohran will now come to order. I think we’ve allowed enough time for the alte kochers to log in via Zoom. Funf minuten nach da zeit, is da Judisch punctlichkeit.

At our last meeting, we determined our Formal Structure. You can read about it in the Minutes. Let’s all show our appreciation to comrade Minnie Horowitz for preparing such meticulous Minutes. Thank you for your leadership, Minnie.

So, about our Formal Structure. We have no King. We’re an anarcho-syndacalist commune. We take it in turns to act as sort of executive officer for the week. But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting, by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs, but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major issues.

Now, at our last meeting - see the discussion in the Minutes - the question was raised of how much you have to hate AIPAC to be a member of the JDS4Z. We quickly came to consensus. In order to be a member in good standing of the JDS4Z, you have to really hate AIPAC. So I have to ask now: is there anyone here who doesn’t really hate AIPAC? Nobody? Right, you’re in.

OK. It’s time for New Business. There’s a Privileged Resolution on the Floor introduced by Comrade Minnie Horowitz. Comrade Horowitz proposes that we formally define AIPAC as “antisemitic,” on account of how they disrespected Brother Zohran’s endorsement by Uncle Bernie, “our Jewish King.” Many of our members feel that this AIPAC defamation of Uncle Bernie rises to the level of the crime of Blasphemy. I don’t think I need to remind anyone here what the Biblical punishment for the crime of Blasphemy is.

Has everyone read the Privileged Resolution introduced by Comrade Horowitz? Does everyone understand the Privileged Resolution introduced by Comrade Horowitz? Does anyone need Comrade Horowitz to further explain the Privileged Resolution that she has introduced? No? All right, then. All those in favor of the Horowitz Resolution, say “aye.” Those opposed, signify likewise. The Resolution is Adopted. And the Meeting is Adjourned.

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