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Faking Hate [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-07-02
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!
This is test content and a request for feedback. Creating a fake hate group was one of my responses to Trump 2.0 but it wasn’t intended to amuse the choir. It’s offensive with a purpose and I’ll pursue a website and promotion if I feel like it can demonstrate the absurdity of hate to Trump voters on the fence or those who sat the election out. That said, it’s an opportunity for some fun and I need the choir to sing loud enough to get these folks curious. So here is your opportunity to join a “hate group/militia”! Some provoking merch is planned to promote our hate and some ridiculous videos. Being confused with the other MAHA is more likely to catch our targets surfing online. Come hate with me!
MAHA Militia - website pending
We are a hate group uniting those who protest the idea of a “well regulated” militia and insist on eating whatever they want. We hate all things cruciferous and objectionable to the palate or otherwise worthy of collective disgust, whether edible or not. We, primarily, hate the following:
Arugula - Sounds like a Caribbean nation that would be nice to visit but not stay or it would leave a bitter taste in your mouth. Best to avoid, even though it’s got the best nicknames - rocket, salad rocket, garden rocket, or eruca (which tempts our rockets to launch!).
Broccoli - Enjoying this vegetable makes you the ultimate tree hugger. Even worse, its florets can get nappy. If you think broccolini is a better choice, it’s a hybrid of broccoli and what’s called “Chinese Kale” or “Chinese broccoli” so don’t even.
Brussel sprouts - This one reeks of foreign influence. As a member of the “Gemmifera” family of cabbages, this is definitely a Trans vegetable, and we don’t mean transfat. Doesn’t know what it wants to be and definitely controversial at the holiday meal.
Cabbage - Cabbage has an unfortunate diversity and even the white cabbage is a little green. Red cabbage is so engorged it turns purple and you don’t want that. Green cabbage is most common and more leafy, especially the limp-wristed Savoy or Milan cabbage that tries too hard to be gay. Bok choy speaks for itself but only in Chinese. Even though it translates to “white vegetable” it’s known as Chinese cabbage.
Cauliflower - Far superior to broccoli, due to lack of pigment and being less nappy, but it’s ultimately a fraud. It self-describes as having a curd but, even if smothered in it, it ain’t no cheese curd. Hate to cancel this white vegetable but it’s more about its relatives and lack of unquestionable purity.
Collards - If we need to explain this one, you’re not for us. One of the most common vegetables in East Africa, it helped us start the birther movement.
Kale - Don’t get us started, although we pretend to like Russian kale. This fucker has taken over the restaurants, groceries and markets. It started the Green New Meal we’re committed to defeating. They say massaging it makes it taste better. Well a massage makes everything taste better, as long as it’s from a subservient woman.
Radishes - While there are some white radishes, most qualify for being red-skinned sharing at least 1/16 the genetics of a standard radish and so are considered unreliable. The origin of the radish is still unknown but best to consider indigenous just to be on the safe side.
Turnips - the nips are the only good part of this root and because most are white may be safe to eat but the greens are cruciferous. Likewise, broccoli raab/rabe or rapini is a relative but a most bitter one. We have nothing against being bitter, unless it involves taste. Kohlrabi is known as the German turnip and, when the leaves are removed, it resembles a Skinhead - so we’re warming.
Even the word cruciferous has a root, which is crucifer and… You guessed it!!!! It derived from the flower petal pattern thought by medieval Europeans to resemble a crucifix. That couldn’t be more appropriate, as eating these vegetables is like being nailed to a cross. Can you believe we Christians used to honor that moment of sacrifice? Thank God we realized that we were more important.
The good news is we may not see many of these foods in stores soon as, FINALLY, those pesky foreigners stealing our jobs are being deported. If you want one of their jobs, just follow this link… Don’t expect a livable wage, any benefits or enforceable rights but these jobs have kept prices low for consumers, in a race to the bottom. So, if you can help hide the true cost of production and keep prices down as long as these companies allow, you’ll be a true American hero. Remember when George W. Bush embraced his father’s legacy and said, “Only in America…” were there people determined enough to work 3 jobs. Most positions are FT - 12 hours, 6/wk or PT - 12 hours, 5/wk but you’re welcome to work 3 of these jobs if you can work out the math, we can’t. We figure most real Americans (not South American or Central American or Canadian but, you know, the only kind of American) aren’t used to applying for these types of jobs so we wanted to make it easier, like the jobs they typically hold. You can sign up for starter shifts just to get your feet wet (not your backs!). It will appear more like signing up for a meal to bring to a family member or friend who’s in a rough patch. OR, send us your job postings and we may post.
Hating things keeps us from being vulnerable and weak and, well, too human. While we’re really hiding our hate for ourselves, hating “Superfoods” makes us feel superhuman. It’s kind of like when you throw trash on the side of the road and don’t get caught.
More to Hate:
Sweet Potato - We don’t like yams but at least they’re not a sweet potato. Barely a potato at all, they produce hermaphrodite flowers. Fuck that!
Mexican peppers - well, any foreign peppers.
Mexicans - well, any foreigners or colorful people that can’t score points for our teams.
COMING SOON! - Our list of cookbooks to ban!
MAHA (Make America Hate America) does not discriminate based on what or who you choose to hate or against those who believe that:
- carrying guns makes you braver than those not needing them
- alternative facts replace the truth or that you can rewrite history to make slavery a jobs program proving affirmative action was unnecessary (remember when “alternative” used to be a bad word?)
- the greatest threat to “America” is posed by LGBTQ+, librarians, honest journalism, contraception, women’s right to choose, clean energy, taxes, protesters for civil rights, DEIA or worst of all, words!!
- the media is liberal
- Jan 6 was a lovefest
- the liberal justices are the activists
- Reality TV is real, just like professional wrestling which started it all off.
OR, those that
used to be patriots and consider all foreigners enemies but now support Russia and Israel.
Don’t give a shit about babies once they’re born or the Constitution or the god they claim.
FAQs - Can you love a hate group?
Merch - a portion of profits from each purchase is donated to the Southern Poverty Law Center to fight the hate groups that are competing with us for haters.
If you’re a helpless lover and can’t even fake hate, visit
https://ruralurbanbridge.org for a healthier approach to bridging the divide.
Follow us on…
https://open.substack.com/pub/leftrighthand/p/coming-soon?r=2c6kkb&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
leftrighthand.bsky.social
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