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The Orange Emperor’s New Wardrobe [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-06-18
Any resemblance in this folk tale to people living or dead is purely intentional.
Many years ago, in a faraway kingdom, there was an Orange Emperor who was very proud of his own brilliance and ability to make deals, but he worried that others did not appreciate how smart he really was. Because of his fragile ego, the Emperor would gather together all of his advisors in council and they would take turns lavishing him with great praise for his superior intelligence and infallible strategies for enriching the empire.
One day during his afternoon nap, the Orange Emperor dreamed up a plan to force other countries to pay for his extravagant plans for enriching his empire, and of course, himself. He called it a tariff, a great tariff, the greatest tariff of all time.
Orange Emperor decided he wanted to have an extravagant ball, the “Great Ball,” to announce his Great Tariff to all of his acolytes and assorted lackies. But first he needed an elaborate new wardrobe that would show everyone how great he really was. He sent out notice to all the tailors in the empire to propose their designs. Many came to meet with the Orange Emperor, but they didn’t realize, if the Emperor was disappointed you would be put to death and many heads rolled.
One day, two strangers arrived in town. They didn’t have any cloth or sewing equipment but they told everyone that they were magic tailors. One of the Orange Emperor’s secret police heard them talking. They had an unusual accent so he demanded to see proof that they were citizens of the Empire. When they couldn’t produce proof, they were arrested and thrown in the dungeon to await being deported or executed.
A jailer realized they were the strangers who told everyone that they were magic tailors. The jailer had seen many heads roll on the courtyard guillotine and he figured, why not give these two a chance to present their design, and if they failed, no great loss, so he dragged them out of the cell and brought them upstairs. If the Emperor was pleased, maybe he would get a cabinet position.
By this time the prisoners looked very scruffy, but when the jailer told the guards, who were getting very nervous because of the Orange Emperor’s unhappiness, that these two were magic tailors, the guards let them enter the throne room were the Orange Emperor was watching Fox News and eating Big Macs.
The Orange Emperor burped and then demanded to know from the jailer why he was being disturbed. The jailer, who was on his shaking, kneeling, and on the verge of tears pleaded with the Orange Emperor to let these two magic tailors enter the contest to design his new wardrobe.
The Orange Emperor burped again and then agreed to hear the magic tailor’s spiel.
The magic tailors described clothing made out of cloth with the most beautiful colors and patterns. It was magic cloth so that only the wise could see it, which would help the Orange Emperor identify which of his advisors were fools and had to be removed.
The Orange Emperor was entranced by the idea that the splendid new wardrobe would enable him to find out which men in his kingdom were unfit for their jobs and their heads could join his collection. He gave a large sum of money to tailors as a downpayment and ordered them to begin work on his wardrobe at once in a castle workshop where they would also eat, drink, and sleep.
A week passed and the Orange Emperor summoned the magic tailors to court to see how the work was progressing. They held up samples that the Orange Emperor couldn’t see, but he was afraid to say anything because his entourage would think he was the fool, so he just said “Magnificent, when will you be finished.” When the tailors promised in two weeks’ time, the Orange Emperor declared the date for a military parade followed by the Great Ball where he would announce his Great Tariff.
On the night of the ball all the great men and ladies of the empire came to the castle in their finest clothing to celebrate the Orange Emperor’s new wardrobe and the Greatest Tariff in history. The two magic tailors went up to the king’s dressing room to help prepare him for the Great Ball. They had to walk through the ballroom but no one commented that they weren’t carrying anything because no one wanted the others to think that they were fools.
The two magic tailors pretended to dress the Orange Emperor in his magnificent new wardrobe. The Orange Emperor and his attendants pretended that they loved the magnificent wardrobe and praised its beauty, because no one wanted to be taken for a fool. After dressing the Orange Emperor, the magic tailors collected the balance of their fee and left the castle because they weren’t invited to the Great Ball. Once outside they purchased two horses and supplies and quickly rode after from the empire.
The Orange Emperor in his invisible wardrobe descended into the ballroom were all or his acolytes and assorted lackies and their partners ooed and awed at the magnificence or his new wardrobe. The Orange Emperor then announced the Greatest Tariff in history and everyone clapped and shouted in praise, except for a little girl, probably undocumented, who gasped in the back of the ballroom were she helping the food servers. “Why the Orange Emperor is naked,” she said just loud enough for the other people to hear, “and his idea for a Great Tariff really sounds stupid. It will wreck the economy.”
Everybody in the room turned toward the little girl. Outraged, they shouted, “Deport her. She is a great fool.” And the Orange Emperor was very pleased at this wonderful show of support from all his friends and lackies, although he was a little cold.
[END]
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