(C) Daily Kos
This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered.
. . . . . . . . . .
Cheers and Jeers: Monday [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-06-02
We'll return to our blog after this message… Woman: Honey, what's wrong? Man: I don't know—I'm just not feeling like myself lately. I keep having these weird thoughts. Woman: Thoughts? Man: Like, maybe universal healthcare is the right way to go. Maybe we should increase taxes on the rich. Maybe we should keep reproductive issues between a woman and her doctor. Maybe gay marriage won’t destroy the foundation of civilization. Maybe diversity, equity and inclusion are good things. Maybe government can solve many of our problems. It feels so… Use only as directed by Fox News: chug the whole damn thing immediately. Woman: …wrong? Man: Yeah! Like everything in my head is suddenly rational and clear! Woman: Honey, you're suffering from commonsensivitis. Man: Commonsensiwhatis??? [Cut to] Doctor in white lab coat: Commonsensivitis is a rare but serious condition that occurs when neurons in the MAGA brain figure out how to connect to each other, producing high levels of rationality, reason and, yes, common sense. Junk food and Fox News can help destroy those connections naturally, but for really stubborn cases you need new Screwusall. Just take two Screwusall tablets and you'll be feeling like your usual paranoid, angry, loud, self-defeating, gun-crazy self again! Man: Defund Planned Parenthood! Kill your Medicare but not mine! Stomp unions into the dirt! Drill here, drill now! Social Security is a Ponzi scheme but don't you dare cut my benefits! Very fine people on both sides! More tax cuts for the rich! Kirk Cameron movies are instant classics! Science is for sissies! Jesus rode a dinosaur! Woman: Welcome back to the bubble, honey! No more commonsensivitis for you! Man: Thanks, Screwusall. Announcer: Screwusall—available at fine MAGA rallies, GOP-controlled state legislatures, and Dr. Ronny Jackson’s “candy dish.” And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, June 2, 2025
Note: Michael and I thank you for all the nice comments here Friday about our 32nd anniversary as official ambassadors to Sodom and Gomorrah. But how strange that we didn’t get a greeting card from Franklin Graham, James Dobson or Tony Perkins. Probably got lost in the mail.
-
By the Numbers:
4 days!!!
Days 'til the nationwide June 14 No Kings Protests: 16
Days 'til Walleye Weekend in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin: 4
Number of immigrants with temporary legal status the Supreme Court ruled can immediately be kicked out of the country by the Trump Klux Klan administration: 500,000
Drop in pending home sales in April: 6.2%
Decrease in beer sales by volume worldwide last year: 1%
Increase in nonalcoholic beer last year: 9%
Age of scumbag criminal and former New York police commissioner Bernie Kerik when he went to Hell last week: 69
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Michelin Manny…Saved!!!
-
CHEERS to June. Dad and the flag get their day. Juneteenth reminds us again how much work remains to achieve Black equality. LGBTQ pride becomes more protest than celebration as King TACO and his minions continue erasing us from history and corporate sponsors who once claimed to have our backs continue abandoning us. “No Kings!” protests break out on the 14th during TACO Don’s glorious birthday parade of tanks (may the fragile streets of D.C. swallow them up). And poor Tessie Hutchinson draws the black spot out of the box again. (But as Old Man Warner so accurately points out every year: "Lottery in June, corn be heavy soon.")
Bring it on.
They’ll happen against a backdrop of three ongoing calamities: Ukraine’s continued resistance against Russia, the Senate trying to figure out what to do with the House’s “Big Beautiful Albatross” bill, and the Supreme Court formally kicking more decent laws to the curb with a sneer, a smirk, a “Praise Jeeeezus!” and lots of flag waving.
What else? It's Candy Month, Adopt-A-Cat Month and, if we can squeeze it in, Accordion Awareness Month. Atlantic hurricane season rolls on through November. June movies look seriously meh. There's a full “strawberry” moon on the 11th, so be prepared to amble into the back yard, think of Neil Armstrong and Michael Collins (thankfully Buzz Aldrin still walks among us), and give it a wink. Oh, and a special message from our Maine mosquitoes: "Come on up—we'd love to have your veins over for a drink sometime."
JEERS to turbulent times ahead. Here we go again. The 2025 hurricane season started yesterday. The forecast from the NOAA, which thanks to DOGE cuts now consists of the night janitor and the TV weather guy in Bismarck, North Dakota, suggests it’s gonna be full of spittle-flying windbags:
Forecasters within NOAA’s National Weather Service predict above-normal hurricane activity in the Atlantic basin this year. Got candles? NOAA’s outlook for the 2025 Atlantic hurricane season, which goes from June 1 to November 30, predicts a 30% chance of a near-normal season, a 60% chance of an above-normal season, and a 10% chance of a below-normal season. The agency is forecasting a range of 13 to 19 total named storms (winds of 39 mph or higher). Of those, 6-10 are forecast to become hurricanes (winds of 74 mph or higher), including 3-5 major hurricanes (category 3, 4 or 5; with winds of 111 mph or higher). NOAA has a 70% confidence in these ranges.
And as a reminder, here are the names associated with the Hurricane Class of 2025:
If the last three letters of the alphabet are needed, NOAA will use the usual "X Marks the Spot," "You've Gotta Be Shitting Me, Another One???" and "Zombie Hurricane Season from Hell.”
CHEERS to a memorable moment in mocking our glorious Amerikaner Vaterland. A reminder that some world leaders never bowed down and kissed our 45th president’s ass the first time around, just like they’re not now: eight years ago this week, after Trump put his hands on that giant glowing orb in Saudi Beheadia, the prime ministers of Norway, Finland, Sweden, Denmark, and Iceland chose to do this:
Goal...!!!!!!!!!!!
Instant induction in the pantheon of grade-A trolling. Someone should find that soccer ball and use it as part of the installation of a giant “FU” commemoration monument. We suggest they glue it to the top of a giant middle finger facing us. From Greenland.
-
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
x Based Bill Burr giving the most based take — David Giltinan 👾🗣️🎙️ (@davidgiltinan.com) 2025-05-26T02:08:28.431Z
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
JEERS to addictive additions. 40 years ago today, The R.J. Reynolds Company (motto: "If it's something you can inhale, we'll sell it at retail") proposed a major merger with Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate of food and tobacco products. Which probably explains why 39 years and nine months ago I had to resort to the nicotine patch to wean myself off a sudden addiction to Fig Newtons.
JEERS to dinner dangers. Meanwhile, Hormel is the latest company in the recall spotlight. A bunch of Dinty Moore Beef Stew—256,000 pounds of it—is being pulled from store shelves. The issue, they say, is “wood fragments.” Apparently they produced a batch that didn’t have enough of them. Boom! Nailed it! Ya still got it, Billy. By god, ya still got it.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: June 2, 2015
JEERS to premature departures. I didn’t know a whole lot about Beau Biden except his Attorney Generalship in Delaware, his military service, and his dedicated dad. But everything I heard was positive, and knowing that his star was bound to rise to great heights makes this tough. Via Joe:
It is with broken hearts that Hallie, Hunter, Ashley, Jill and I announce the passing of our husband, brother and son, Beau, after he battled brain cancer with the same integrity, courage and strength he demonstrated every day of his life. The entire Biden family is saddened beyond words. We know that Beau’s spirit will live on in all of us—especially through his brave wife, Hallie, and two remarkable children, Natalie and Hunter. Beau's life was defined by service to others. As a young lawyer, he worked to establish the rule of law in war-torn Kosovo. A major in the Delaware National Guard, he was an Iraq War veteran and was awarded the Bronze Star. As Delaware’s Attorney General, he fought for the powerless and made it his mission to protect children from abuse.
He was only 46. As with the passing of so many other departed family, friends, icons and heroes, all I can muster is the usual two words: fuck cancer.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to draining the dictionary. What? There was a National Spelling Bee this year? Strange—my Chippendales strippergram delivery guy told me nothing of this. Oh well. Congratulations to 13-year-old Faizan Saki of Plano, Texas, who was the last contestant standing at the 2025 National Spelling Bee in Oxon Hill, Maryland:
The winner will receive $50,000 in cash from Scripps, $2,500 cash prize and reference library from Merriam-Webster and $400 worth of reference works from Encyclopædia Britannica, according to Scripps. So much for your white supremacy, you MAGA clods. Zaki, of Plano, Texas, was last year's runner-up. He won this year's competition during the 11th round of the finals with the word "éclaircissement," per The New York Times. This year’s rigorous competition featured 243 bright students from across all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Guam, Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and Department of Defense Schools in Europe. Students from the Bahamas, Canada, Ghana, Kuwait and Nigeria also competed to represent their country.
His winning word was "éclaircissement," which of course is the surgical removal of a cream-filled puff pastry from a bakery shelf, typically followed by safe disposal in a biologically-active receptacle known as the “tummy.”
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial “My first tattoo might just be a Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool in the middle of my forehead.” —Taylor Swift
-
[END]
---
[1] Url:
https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2025/6/2/2325128/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Monday?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=trending&pm_medium=web
Published and (C) by Daily Kos
Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified.
via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds:
gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/
