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The race was stolen!!!! (A snarky diary) [1]
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Date: 2025-05-26
I just had a thought about the Indianapolis 500, but first some background.
I’m not a sports person at all, except for this race. The depth of my delusion can be shown by the fact that I’m a die-hard fan of the Chicago Cubs. When I was a kid, we lived in an apartment on Sheffield Avenue, within walking distance of Wrigley Field. But Dad, in his infinite wisdom, moved us to the suburbs. Within walking distance of Wrigley! I’ve never forgiven him for that. But anyway, I no longer follow the Cubbies; I figure if they couldn’t win it when they had Beckert, Banks, Santo, and Kessinger in the infield, they were hopeless.
As to the 500, I never thought much about it, until a friend gifted me tickets to see it in person. Watching cars go in a circle for three hours? No thanks, I thought, but I accepted the tickets and went. And I was hooked. I’ve watched the race every year since.
This year, for reasons unknown, the 500 was broadcast on Fox. I don’t have cable or any streaming services, so I watch what I can get over the air. And while NBC, who broadcast it until this year comes in clearly, Fox does not. So I missed it. That’s almost literally the only thing I watch. In fact, I may not have had the TV on since last year.
Turning to trusty Google, I discovered that Alex Palou won the race. Alex Palou Montalbo, who is Spanish. OMG!! I can just hear Trump: How can a Spaniard win this all-American event? There must have been tampering with the timing! Some of the drivers must have been paid off! It’s all fake news! I’m suing the Indianapolis Motor Speedway! Investigate the Fox commentators! I DEMAND THEY RUN THE RACE AGAIN! Go to Indianapolis now; will be wild!
I can’t help feeling pleased that Palou won. It’s the same feeling I have when I recall that Jesse Owens humiliated Hitler in 1936. Let’s see if we can find our own ways to humiliate our Homegrown Hitler 2.0.
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