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I had a dream today, oh boy [1]
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Date: 2025-05-26
I had an interesting dream last night…
I am sure you remember Trump’s attack on President Ramaphosa last week. In my dream, Ramaphosa responded to Trump’s comments in kind…
“President Trump, I am appalled at your use of blood libel when discussing the sovereign nation of South Africa. However, I am not so appalled that I cannot respond to your racist fantasies.
“First, I am immediately recalling every South African diplomat (other than the ones assigned to the United Nations) in the United States back to South Africa for consultations. Without any diplomats in residence, all South African embassies and consulates in the United States will close by the end of the day. If Americans need to access consular services, I suggest they look to our facilities in Ottawa, Vancouver, Sudbury, and Toronto, or to those in Mexico City, Cancun, or Guadalajara.
“All holders of diplomatic passports issued by the United States are persona non grata by South Africa. They have seven days to exit the country.
“The nation of South Africa welcomes all visitors from the United States to our country. However, the visa upon arrival regime for citizens of the United States is hereby suspended. Due to the closure of our embassies and consulates in the United States, tourists will need to apply in person in an embassy or consulate outside the United States. Americans currently resident in South Africa must leave the country within thirty days or when their current visa expires, whichever is sooner.
“All tangible and intangible property owned by United States’ citizens and corporations in South Africa is to be seized by the government of South Africa as an issue of national security. Since the nation of South Africa is a law-abiding nation, the owners of that property will be compensated by the government. The initial compensation will be one rand. If the owner feels that this compensation is too low, they may personally go through the South African legal system in order to receive additional compensation. Be aware that if the government of South Africa has sold any of the property, the maximum compensation for the property will be equal to the amount received by the South African government in an open auction.
“The nation of South Africa no longer recognizes dual citizenship of those individuals holding both American and South African citizenship. All such individuals must choose within thirty days to become an American or South African citizen. Please note the visa requirement for American citizens within South Africa.
“The nation of South Africa is currently negotiating with El Salvador to house American terrorists illegally in the county of South Africa.
“Finally, since the only language that President Trump seems to understand is the language or tariffs, effective immediately, all goods from the United States and entering South Africa will be subject to a 1,000% tariff, with no de minimis exceptions. Additionally, all goods leaving South Africa for shipment to the United States either directly or indirectly will also be subject to a 1,000% tariff.”
[President Ramaphosa stands up.]
“Thank you, Mr. Trump, for inviting me to the White House. However, it is now time for me to leave. I will be available for questions from reporters at the South African Embassy later this afternoon.”
No, this did not happen. I woke up. But eventually, someone will respond to Trump the way he deserves.
[END]
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