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Platonic Pals (A one-act farce) [1]
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Date: 2025-05-22
While listening to the DVD commentary on an episode of the “Odd Couple” TV series from the 1970’s, I learned that some TV viewers in the early 1970’s actually assumed that Felix and Oscar were gay lovers! Midway through the first season, a narrated backstory was added to the opening credits to make it clear that the characters were heterosexual divorcees who share an apartment out of necessity.
In addition to Felix and Oscar, there had also been gay rumors about: Batman & Robin, Sesame Street’s Ernie & Bert, and Spongebob Squarepants & Patrick Star.
So, I now wonder: Do a lot of people automatically presume any pair of men they see together are gay lovers? Can any straight male “hang out” with a same-gender buddy without gay rumors being started?
This is not something that keeps me awake at night, but I think that if a very neurotic straight male were to start worrying about this, such an individual could consider taking extreme (and hilarious) measures to offset his concerns. Without further ado, let me present:
Platonic Pals
A one-act farce
by Perlinator
Characters:
JOE (A neurotic, almost paranoid young man)
(A neurotic, almost paranoid young man) JIM (Joe’s best friend)
JOE: “Hey, Jim. I have to talk to you. I’ve noticed that whenever two guys are buddies, a lot of people are quick to assume that they’re gay lovers!”
JIM: “Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”
JOE: “I just don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea when we’re seen together in public. You understand.”
JIM: “So, what would you like to do about it?”
JOE: “If it’s not asking too much, I would appreciate if the next time we’re out in public, if you would please dress as a woman and pretend that you’re my girlfriend.”
JIM: “I don’t think that will work for very long. Obviously, we won’t be holding hands or kissing each other. So, even if people really believe that I’m a woman, they’ll start to notice that you never get romantic with me. They’ll think that you’re gay and that I’m a platonic female friend.”
JOE: “You’re right! Well, to make sure it’s clear that I’m attracted to women, it will be necessary for us to be seen kissing, hugging, holding hands, and even feeling each other up.”
JIM: “What??? Uhm... Could you please tell me again why we would have to go to all of that trouble?”
JOE: “Duh! It’s so that no one mistakes us for gay!”
[END]
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