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Kitchen Table Kibitzing 5/20/2025: Those Pesky Leopards [1]

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Date: 2025-05-20

Esther Kjerner: Still Life with Lily of the Valley (1949)

Good evening, Kibitzers!

Well, apparently it’s Crisis Week here at the family manse, and no one warned me. I seem to have a dental abscess going on, my brother went to borrow my car and it wouldn’t start (and now, after he jump-started it and drove it around, it has the “check engine” light on), and then, he fell and did something to his upper arm.

He thought the arm was broken, because that was how much it hurt, but today we carted him to an urgent care, where they pronounced it a tendon thing. He’s told that, if it doesn’t get better in a few days, he’ll need an MRI, but at the moment he has a sling and that’s helping.

Meanwhile, I don’t currently have a dentist up here, so I either have to go to New Jersey or pick a dentist. (No, his dentist retired. We all need a new one.) On Sunday I called one of those phone doctor things and got them to prescribe me some amoxicillin, so I’m still in some pain but less alarmed about the infection in my skull, buying me some needed time. I’d really like to take this big a thing to the dentist I know, but I am surely not driving 300 miles with the car like this, so today the car went to the mechanic. (I am writing Monday night so I don’t know how that came out yet.)

AND it’s about to be Memorial Day weekend, so driving anywhere is going to be crappy. Oh well — that’s how Crisis Week goes.

Perhaps you, like me, have been observing various members of the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party figuring out about how that works. It’s not really fun for us, per se, because we here in the No Leopards Party don’t so much experience glee at seeing people come to harm. Sometimes, though, it’s impossible not to feel a little schadenfreude.

You won’t be surprised to hear that there are songs.

The first of the two leopard-related YouTube channels I’d like to tell you about is not chiefly a musical operation; it’s all about animations. It’s called Dark Brandon, and originated a couple of years ago; its statement is “Championing Critical Thinking, Empathy and Freedom. 100% funded by cat ladies.” Their early offerings were mostly animated versions of some real political figures, saying something they wanted us to hear. (Not only intended mockingly — here’s a recent one of Pete Buttigieg, for instance.)

Over time, they’ve introduced original animated characters — some angels, some demons, the odd scientist — but today you need to meet the leopard, Steve. Steve introduces us to people whose faces he’s been called upon to eat on behalf of the party. For instance:

Meet the MAGA Scientist Who Voted for Her Own Layoff. [4:22]

Steve is often astounded by his volunteer victims. It's Not Like He Tried To Ban Your People From The Country. [5:13]

This story is more involved, but worth the payoff. Leopards Ate My Crypto! MAGA Millionaire Gets Scammed Hard. [6:34]

Here’s an imagined future in which Steve has overeaten on faces. Steve Hits Rock Bottom - Leopards Ate My Face Gone Wrong. [2:03]

So, here’s why I called this a music diary. If you’ve stayed till the end of any of these videos, you heard a few bars of the Leopards Are Eating My Face song, but here is the whole thing. I feel like it has kind of a Roxy Music vibe.

Leopards Are Eating My Face - The Full Song. [2:10]

Now, for part two, we have a more specifically musical collection. Franchesca Ramsey’s channel has a variety of things on it, but we’re focusing on her song. She says: “I'm Franchesca Ramsey, a tv writer, producer, actress, designer & lady who sings that leopards song.” She’s pretty good! [Here’s her Wikipedia.] Similar to what Steve is doing, she’s highlighting people who got their faces eaten, and singing her little anthem.

Black #Trump Supporter never thought the leopards would eat his face. [1:22]

These #maga #teachers didn’t know #trump wanted to dismantle the department of education?! [1:34]

Candace Owens never thought Trump would give her exactly what she voted for. [1:39]

There are all these lyrical variations. Nikki (Nimarata) Haley Never Thought The Leopards Would Eat Her Face. [0:58]

#Trump Voters Are Surprised He's Anti Cancer Funding? [1:26]

Now it’s time for a little history, for people (probably not the people here) who can’t “do their own research”: Where did ‘i never thought the leopards would eat my face’ come from? [2:11]

And here’s a bad-dream sequence: Leopards Ate My Face: Behind The Ukulele [2:06]

This gospel-choir version is billed as The Ultimate "Leopards Ate My Face" Rendition! [1:40]

But then, early this month, we had an even ultimater one: the Spanish version, featuring Mariachi Arcoiris de Los Angeles (“The Los Angeles Rainbow Mariachi”), the world's first LGBTQ+ mariachi. With some “making of” footage at the end. This is the one you need to hear if you hear only one!

¡Nunca Pensé! [4:21]

Finally, we have a couple of worthwhile short political parodies to go with.

Rocky Mountain Mike takes offense on behalf of President Biden, to a Beatles tune. Jake, the Hack Writer [0:49]

And Mangy Fetlocks speculates about events in hell on the day, no doubt far in the future, when the Toxic Yam goes to his reward. [2:24]

[END]
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