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Cheers and Jeers: Monday [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-05-19
Breaking: Headlines You Won’t Read Today
Trump Makes America Great Again Putin Outsmarts Zelenskyy Pete Hegseth Goes 24 Hours Without Losing A Fighter Jet Many People Saying What President Says Many People Are Saying White House Cabinet Meetings Stop Reeking Of Sulfur Pope Praises J.D. Vance As ‘Deep Thinker' Canada Goes Berserk! Huh. Justice Thomas Pays For Something With Own Money Senator Collins Finds Nothing Particularly Concerning Found: A Piece Of Classified Intel Not Yet Stolen By U.S. Foes It’s A Deal! Mexico Finally Agrees to Pay For Wall "Thank You, Sir" Says Citizen to President with Tears in Eyes Planet Earth to Humanity: I’ll Miss You When You’re Gone
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, May 19, 2025
Note: [Sniff Sniff!] I detect a three-day weekend ahead. Smells like corn on the cob, freedom pie, SPF 500, and fresh blood seeping from gaping Jarts wounds. Not necessarily in that order.
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By the Numbers:
5 days!!!
Days 'til the nationwide June 14 No Kings Protests: 26
Days 'til the 35th annual ChowderFest in Waterville Valley, New Hampshire: 5
Months Trump has been in office as of this week: 4
Number of consecutive months the University of Michigan's consumer sentiment index has dropped (to its lowest level in three years): 4
Percent drop in Canadian visits to Maine in April, versus last April: 26%
Percent chance FEMA is ready for hurricane season, thanks to Trump's staffing and budget cuts, according to an internal review of the agency: 0%
Age of the original Solitaire game on the Windows operating system as of this month: 36
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Puppy Pic of the Day: The sweetest sniffs…
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CHEERS to morning in America. As we start a new week above ground, let's reach into our bag of magic bullet points and get a sense of where we left off Friday:
● Former FBI director James Comey cost Hillary Clinton the election in 2016, and since then has been running around blithering and blathering to the delight of no one. He's in trouble for something he posted on Instagram. Following this story is now the #1 sleep aid in America. ● After the greatest president in history promised our greatest country in history the greatest golden age in history (on Day 1 no less), Moody's downgraded our country's credit rating for the first time in history. This is not how it's supposed to work. ● By a vote of 7-2, the Supreme Court ruled that the greatest president’s invoking of the Alien Enemies Act to kidnap and deport legal immigrants to other countries warranted the greatest "No way, Jose" in the history of our country. Mrs. Sam Alito is so upset that she’s now hanging her flags both upside down and inside-out. And yesterday Joe Biden revealed he has aggressive but treatable prostate cancer. Beat the hell out of it, man. ● Fulfilling its #1 campaign promise to ignore the needs of ordinary Americans, the White House spent time confirming that Taylor Swift is no longer hot and Bruce Springsteen has always been a hack. ● FEMA admits that it's not prepared for hurricane season, mostly on account of they've all been fired by Elon Musk. ● The $400 million sky palace Qatar wants to bestow as a "gift" to the biggest sucker in the history of our country has a) already been on the market for five years—no one wants to buy it, b) burns fuel at a rate of 1,000 gallons per millisecond, c) will cost half our nation's net worth to retrofit for presidential use, and d) has a sour milk smell and no one can locate the source. But we hear the selection of movies they have in the on-board Betamax shelf is impressive. ● HHS director RFK Jr. announced an initiative to bolster Americans' flagging spirits by working with the EPA to convert sewage treatment plants in all 50 states to "family day spas."
And in sports, there were a series of scores. You are now up to date. Now get out there and make it a great day!
CHEERS to strange bedfellows. Well knock me down and call me sweetheart. I had no idea it was in the realm of the possible for MAGA cultists to split with their Dear Leader, let along the possibility that they'd go all woke and swap spit with Democrats on the House Budget Committee. But these are strange times, so…
The GOP-led House Budget Committee voted to reject as weeping package for President Donald Trump's agenda on Friday, dealing an embarrassing setback to Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA), and Republican leaders. The committee’s preferred mark-up pens. The vote in the Budget Committee was 16-21, with a band of conservative hard-liners who are pushing for steeper spending cuts joining all Democrats in voting against the multitrillion-dollar legislation, leaving its fate uncertain. […] Friday’s delay means that it will now be more difficult for Johnson to meet his self-imposed Memorial Day deadline to pass what Trump has called his “big, beautiful bill” and send it to the Senate.
To facilitate the process, today Johnson—the Speaker, I mean, not the synonym for penis—will meet with the Republican holdouts and apply subtle pressure using a little-used provision known as "threatening to kidnap their families and burn their homes to the ground."
Update: Works every time.
JEERS to today's edition of Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States. Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States:
"Groceries are way. They have a term—groceries. It’s an old term, but it means basically what you’re buying: food. It is a pretty accurate term, but it’s an old-fashioned sound."
This has been today's edition of Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to the Boy Wonder's bubbleheaded blunder. Thirty-three years ago today, in 1992, Vice President Dan Quayle cited Murphy Brown as a poor example of family values. Said Ken Tucker back then in Entertainment Weekly:
Dan Quayle's spleen venting about the way Murphy Brown subverts family values is only the most direct expression to date of a notion that has gained in intensity over the past decade—that TV has some sort of obligation to present only ''positive'' examples of family life, that any portrayal of something other than the happy nuclear clan is detrimental to our American way of life. She won. He lost. But TV isn't an arm of social policy or government propaganda; it has no more responsibility to be upbeat and positive than do, say, poetry or the theater. ... Someone pour Quayle a glass of cold milk, please.
Isn't it nice to know that the Republican party has come so far in its thinking over the last 33 years? (You may commence smirking at will.)
CHEERS to today's mea culpa. Over the weekend I was reminded that the 2025 WNBA season just started all around this great nation of ours, and I promised that I would remember to let everyone know about it this morning. Sadly, despite tying a string around my finger, posting reminders all around the house, setting an alarm on my phone, and completing Kevin Trudeau's Mega Memory home study course (on long-play cassettes) three times over the weekend, I totally spaced it out. Sorry. I can only hope that you hear the news from someone more reliable than me. I am very bummed about this. I even had a schedule ready to post and everything. Billeh, Billeh, Billeh…what am I going to do with me?
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 19, 2015
CHEERS to #44 in 140 or less. That boom you heard yesterday was President Obama breaking the world record for fastest twitter account to rack up one million followers—4.5 hours. (Surprisingly, the previous record was held by Robert Downey, Jr.) For posterity, here it is:
x Hello, Twitter! It's Barack. Really! Six years in, they're finally giving me my own account. — President Obama (@POTUS44) May 18, 2015
So that was fun. And now we return you to our regularly-scheduled gnashing of teeth over the TPP. Seriously, Obama? Really??!!! Impeach!!!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Canada! Today is Victoria Day, and we'd be insulting our extraordinarily-tolerant neighbors to the north if we didn't wish them a happy day for dusting off their William Shatner shrines (required by law) and chugging any leftover Molson from last year's Victoria Day. If you're wondering what all the fuss is aboot...
Victoria Day (French: Fête de la Reine) is a federal Canadian statutory holiday observed on the Monday before May 25th each year. ...or else off with your head. Victoria Day marks the birthday of Queen Victoria (1837-1901). Following the death of Queen Victoria, May 24th was decreed as Empire Day across the British Empire. Today, Canada is the only country who still has a holiday on the day. Victoria reigned for 63 years and seven months, a record for a British monarch that was only beaten in September of 2015 by Queen Elizabeth II. Though she never actually visited Canada, Queen Victoria grew up knowing a lot about Canada. Her father, the Duke of Kent (Prince Edward, fourth son of King George III), had lived for nearly ten years in Quebec City and Halifax.
All I can say is: thank god it's finally here. I’m getting so tired of the radio stations and their 24/7 Victoria Day carol marathons. ("Grandma Got Run Over By A Mountie" AGAIN?!!!)
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial "I would also like to address the powerful people of the world, repeating the always current call: 'no more Cheers and Jeers.” —Pope Leo XIV
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[END]
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