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Make America Hurt Again: RFK Jr. and the Gospel of Public Health by Press Release [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-05-16
Dr. No Science Will See You Now
It’s not every day the Surgeon General needs a translator — not for Spanish, but for reality. However, under Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., reality is a preexisting condition. RFK Jr. is a man who once declared that WiFi causes cancer and now oversees the agency responsible for pandemic response, chronic disease research, and national health policy.
Kennedy’s approach to science resembles freestyle jazz — interpretive, improvisational, and incompatible with most federal safety standards.
The Next Pandemic: Bring Your Own Facts
Picture it: a CDC briefing in early 2026. America faces a novel respiratory virus, Grift-24. The press corps watches in disbelief as RFK Jr. shares the stage with Donald Trump, Naomi Wolf, and Dr. Oz. Alex Jones scrawls on a whiteboard while turmeric shots are passed around like communion.
Kennedy blames over-chlorinated pools near 5G towers. Dr. Wolf cites low psychic energy and irregular moon cycles. Trump boasts he invented air. Peter McCullough calls the virus a spiritual test, while Steve Kirsch distributes Bluetooth detectors to scan for spike proteins.
There are no vaccines. No data. Just MAGA-branded hand sanitizer and raw milk shots in the back. This frightening picture isn’t satire — it’s the actual risk: a future where memes replace medicine and email forwards guide federal funding.
The MAHA Agenda: Make America Hurt Again
Kennedy calls it ‘wellness reform.’ What it looks like is pandemic denial, vaccine paranoia, and bureaucratic decapitation. The FDA’s top vaccine scientist? Fired. Milk quality testing? Abolished. Fluoride? Declared the new communism. This isn’t health leadership — it’s drinking colloidal silver while calling it liberty.
Science vs. Substack: HHS, Then and Now
Once, professionals like Walensky, Murthy, and Fauci led the HHS, guiding vaccine rollouts and pandemic messaging. Now?
RFK Jr. has appointed herd immunity guru Jay Bhattacharya to the NIH. Naomi Wolf whispers liberty poetry in his ear. Peter McCullough, banned from half the internet, is a top advisor. Dr. Casey Means, an Instagram wellness influencer with a medical degree, is our Surgeon General designee. It’s not a transition team. It’s a misinformation roadshow with a federal budget.
Faith Healing Meets Federal Budgeting
Kennedy, who praises detox cleanses and raw milk, now dictates respiratory policy. NIH and FDA layoffs have made these agencies ‘leaner’ — like famine wards. Cancer research and chronic disease funding have cratered. Who needs data when you’ve got vibes and a gut feeling from your Goop-certified clairvoyant?
Anti-Vaxx Ascendant – And the Kids Pay
While Kennedy markets immunity as a lifestyle, measles, and whooping cough are staging national comebacks. Pediatric ICUs are overwhelmed, not because science failed, but because science was furloughed. Kennedy praised anti-vaxxers the same day he attended the funeral of an 8-year-old who died from measles. That’s not leadership — it’s cosplay governance with a body count.
Cabinet of Unqualified Curiosities
If ignorance were a drug, RFK Jr. would be the nation’s top supplier. The newly minted Office of Magical Thinking includes rumored appointees:
- Secretary of Snake Oil: Alex Jones
- Surgeon General of Herd Immunity: Jay Bhattacharya
- FDA Director of Spiritual Vibes: Dr. Oz
- Undersecretary for Graphene Detection: Steve Kirsch
It’s not policy. It’s performance art with a press pass.
Conclusion – Dr. Oz with a Lawsuit
Kennedy’s vision of health isn’t about public outcomes — it’s about public outrage. Facts are optional. Feelings are FDA-approved. Public health has become performance art, and misinformation is the medium.
We’re not treating disease. We’re treating doubt with nothing but vibes, rage, and a half-used bottle of elderberry syrup. In RFK Jr.’s America, the only prescription is persecution, and the cure is always worse than the disease.
The Surgeon General may not recommend it, but here’s your next booster anyway: satire — because it’s the only immunity we have left.
~Dunneagin~
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