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Grim Reaper says Satan is ‘Fired Up’ to meet Trump [1]
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Date: 2025-04-25
HELL — The Grim Reaper announced today in a Facebook video that Satan is eagerly anticipating Donald J. Trump’s eventual arrival in the Underworld.
Clad in his traditional black cloak and sporting a red Make Hades Great Again cap for the occasion, the satanic spokesdemon said there is a “special place in Hell” now under construction for the future former president, in recognition of his profound ongoing contributions to human suffering.
Trump, 78, is reportedly No. 1 on Satan’s VIP Watchlist, thanks to his unparalleled track record of “doing the Devil’s work” in Washington.
“The boss doesn’t use the term ‘useful idiot’ loosely, but this guy has surpassed our wildest dreams,” said the Reaper. “Just 93 days in, and the man seems hellbent on transforming America into a dystopian Hellscape. Our message to Mr. Trump is: Bravo! Keep up the great work.”
“The Prince of Darkness has always regarded America as a thorn in his side — with its whole ‘Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness’ crap. Now your own president is torching democracy and the rule of law, self-immolating the economy and dumping fresh gasoline on the inferno every goddamn day!”
Shaking his scythe to underscore his excitement, the Reaper paused to catch his smoke-filled breath. “Honestly, we’re just kicking back and basking in the sulfurous blood-orange glow. That I can tell you.”
“We’re so eager to begin working with him. And torturing him, of course. As far as we’re concerned — and I think I speak for millions of humans on this — he cannot get down here soon enough.”
“His eternal torture chamber has a hideous Mar-a-Lago meets Trump Tower Inferno vibe. The Donald will be literally smothered in gold, utterly cut off from the constant attention he so desperately craves. His only companionship: Floor-to-ceiling mirrors. A snarling pack of rabid, radical leftist hellhounds. And a holographic Rosie O’Donnell shout-singing “Macho Man” at him 24/7. Forever.”
# # #
Check out WTF America?!
(rebranding as John Breneman on Monday)
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