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Trump Announces Trump-Branded Easter Events... [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-04-18
1) TRUMP-BRANDED EASTER EGG ROLL: Every kid (white males only, please!) in the Easter Egg Roll must have a one million dollar sponsorship (corporations, law firms or universities, payable in cash or crypto to Don Jr.) Some “eggs” will have “collectible” NFTs of Trump dressed as the Easter Bunny. Others have top-secret classified documents, still others will have “stolen 2020 ballots.” Jeff Bezos has agreed to pay Trump 40 million dollars to film the Egg Roll and show it on Amazon Prime. The winning Egg Roller gets to be Ambassador to Haiti.
2) EASTER SUNDAY TRUMP BRANDED BUSINESS ROLLOUT — The Trump Org will open 142 Trump-branded Christian Nationalist big-box retail outlets, “Jesus Christ, Superstore!” These will be the EXCLUSIVE outlets for the NEW Trump Bible, purged of “left-wing lunatic DEI propaganda.” Musk/Doge has used a cutting-edge AI bot to “modernize” the text. “10 Commandments” are now down to 2 – “First Commandment, what Trump Says Goes. Second Commandment, see First Commandment.” Sermon on the Mount is now “Blessed are the ass-kickers, for they will vaporize migrant scum with the most lethality.” (Superstores will ALSO be the exclusive retail outlet for Jon McNaughton’s controversial “Penultimate Supper” with 28 disciples, a Conjurer, a Mariachi Band, a kangaroo, and three Christs - the fat one balances the two skinny ones.)
3) TRUMP ANNOUNCES HE’S GOING TO BUY THE VATICAN — “That’s some nice real estate, my name is gonna look SO great on that frickin’ Sistine Chapel, and I don’t even have to re-paint! Gold already! And how ‘bout a casino in St. Peter’s Basilica! I want it, and one way or another, I’m gonna get it. We’ll move the Pope to someplace nice, maybe a condo in the Bronx…”
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