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Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Marshmallow Peeps FRIDAY! [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-04-18
Late Night Snark: “This Fascism Goes to 11” Edition
“Trump’s done a lot of the standard fare: he’s attacked the free press, pulled random people off the streets, made law firms and universities bend the knee, announced Department of Justice investigations against people whose sole crime was suggesting that the 2020 election had been safe and well-administered. You know...the bad, bad people.” —Jon Stewart “You’re a dictator! All you have to do is dictate that he gets out of prison, then go on Orbitz and get him a one-way ticket to Maryland, and his torture will be over! As long as you don’t fly him on Spirit Airlines.” —Stephen Colbert, speaking through the TV at El Salvador's Nayib Bukele “What is happening here? I mean, this is America. We don’t just send someone to prison without evidence. We plant the evidence on them. It’s called due process.” —The Daily Show's Ronny Chieng x I’ve been getting them for years, but lately, getting emails that say stuff like “TELL DEMS IN CONGRESS TO…” is particularly disheartening, because if those people need me to tell them what to do, it’s already too late. — Andy Richter (@andyrichter.co) 2025-04-09T15:42:04.948Z - "According to a new report, President Trump privately acknowledged that his tariffs could trigger a recession, but chose to issue a 90-day pause because he didn’t want to cause a depression. 'Too late,' said therapists." —Seth Meyers ”Just hours before Trump paused the tariffs, he he tried to calm investors by posting: ‘Be COOL! Everything is going to work out well.’ Be cool? This is the global economy. It’s not like we got too high and we’re trying to get through dinner with our parents.” —Colin Jost, SNL Clip of Trump at the NRCC: I'm telling you, these countries are calling us up, kissing my ass. They are dying to make a deal. 'Please, sir, make a deal. I'll do anything.' John Oliver: Sure. I'm sure some have been pretty nice to him, the same way you'd try to be nice if you suddenly found yourself in the same room as a monkey with a gun. 'Hi, monkey! Good monkey! Strooong monkey! Please, I'll do anything!' —Last Week Tonight “And who better to determine what colleges should and should not be doing than the man who had to shell out $25 million in penalties for running a fraudulent university he named after himself? My money’s on Harvard. I grew up in the 80’s. I saw Revenge of the Nerds. I know who wins these things.” —Jimmy Kimmel
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, April 18, 2025
Note: Due to money laundering-related incarceration, the Easter Bunny is unable to deliver candy and eggs this Sunday. For your safety, please lock your family in the bathroom until the Easter Python has left. Also for your safety, it's probably a good idea to take the eggs the Easter Python leaves in your Easter basket to your nearest zoo's reptile hut curator. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Earth Day: 4
Days 'til the 12th annual Riverside Tamale Festival in California: 8
Increase in retail sales in March: 1.4%
Percent of registered voters polled by Civiqs who say they've heard about the Signalgate scandal: 62%
Expected Easter-related spending this year: $24 billion
Number of times you could circle the globe with the estimated 16 billion jelly beans that'll be eaten this year: 3
Age of Tic-Tac-Dough game show host Wink Martindale when he died this week: 91
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Puppy Pic of the Day: In Columbia, Missouri, an Easter litter….
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CHEERS to Billeh's Friday Night Tariff Update. Hippity hop, hippity hop, hippity hop, howdy folks! It's me, Billeh, dressed in my bunny suit with today's exciting tariff news. Tariffs, as you know, are like magic beans that our super awesome president has planted in the economy, and they're going to grow and grow and GROW all the great things that make America great again. And the best thing about the tariffs is: they're teeny tiny, and they're guaranteed to not do any lasting economic damage while putting us on a path to stronger growth, lower inflation, and maximum employment. My god, IT'S AN EASTER MIRACLE! But don’t take my word for it, just listen to the giddy Chairman of the Federal Reserve Jerome Powell and our nation's most trusted economists:
“[T]he level of the tariff increases announced so far is significantly larger than anticipated” and the lingering uncertainty around tariffs could inflict lasting economic damage. With Trump’s tariffs putting the economy on a path toward weaker growth, higher unemployment and faster inflation—all at the same time—the Fed is also facing a situation it hasn’t dealt with in about half a century.[…] Tariff Power...ACTIVATE!!! [I]t’s only a matter of time until Trump’s tariffs stoke inflation, push up unemployment and weaken economic growth, according to most economists, especially if the massive “reciprocal” tariffs that went into effect briefly on April 9 are put back in place.
Join us on next week when RFK Jr. reveals how Trump's Miracle Tariff's can remove unsightly blemishes and be ground up into a therapeutic poultice to fight gum disease.
CHEERS to holiday fevuh! 2025 years ago today (or thereabouts), a bunch of Roman thugs nailed a rabbi to a cross while the filthy rabble with six teeth among them and a combined IQ of 12 allegedly watched Jesus Christ suffer and moan and dehydrate and bleed to death in the baking sun while clutching his God Bless the USA Bible. I'll never understand why Christians call it “Good Friday.” Sounds more like Monday to me.
Then, two days from today is Easter Sunday, which is notable for two things: the day the aforementioned Christ the Savior rose from the dead, and the day Lenny the tomb attendant checked into rehab.
CHEERS to a good thumpin’. On April 19, 1775—a day after Paul Revere & Co.’s famous ride—our War of Independence began in Massachusetts (or, if you’re Michele Bachmann, New Hampshire) with a brief skirmish at Lexington, a more substantial engagement at Concord’s North Bridge, and guerrilla warfare as we chased the redcoats back to Boston:
After searching Concord for about four hours, the British prepared to return to Boston, located 18 miles away. By that time, almost 2,000 militiamen—known as minutemen for their ability to be ready on a moment’s notice—had descended to the area, and more were constantly arriving. At first, the militiamen simply followed the British column. Fighting started again soon after, however, with the militiamen firing at the British from behind trees, stone walls, houses and sheds. Before long, British troops were abandoning weapons, clothing and equipment in order to retreat faster. Route of the first Boston Marathon. (The Brits broke all kinds of speed records.) The colonists did not show great marksmanship that day. As many as 3,500 militiamen firing constantly for 18 miles only killed or wounded roughly 250 Redcoats, compared to about 90 killed and wounded on their side. Nevertheless, they proved they could stand up to one of the most powerful armies in the world. By the following summer, a full-scale war of independence had broken out.
And today we’re still fighting wars. Depending on which side you’re on: against women, secularism, scamvangelists, immigrants, Anglo-Saxon fetishists, drag queens, fast food, basic equality, guns, white supremacist terrorists, drugs, freedom, lady parts, the deep state, education, capitalism, cancel culture, the poor, liberals, conservatives, Asians, Hispanics, blacks, gays, transfolks, seniors, the 99 percent, the 1 percent, and Christmas. But at least not Afghanistan anymore. Hooray. Sweets and flowers for everyone.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to Evolution Man. Charles Darwin started out as a single wriggly cell in 1808, evolved into a fully-grown human being, and died during this week in 1882. His legacy is always worth revisiting:
Influenced by the ideas of Malthus, he proposed a theory of evolution occurring by the process of natural selection. The animals (or plants) best suited to their environment are more likely to survive and reproduce, passing on the characteristics which helped them survive to their offspring. Gradually, the species changes overtime. History’s verdict on Charles Darwin: great naturalist, but excessively grumpy mall Santa. [T]he logical extension of Darwin‘s theory was that homosapiens was simply another form of animal. It made it seem possible that even people might just have evolved—quite possibly from apes—and destroyed the prevailing orthodoxy on how the world was created. Darwin was vehemently attacked, particularly by the Church. However, his ideas soon gained currency and have become the new orthodoxy.
Of course, there are some organisms that demonstrate evolution can work in reverse. Like dust mites. And Elon Musk.
CHEERS to home vegetation. If you adjust your rabbit ears just right, you’ll find a few things to hippity-hop about on the tube this Easter weekend.
Tonight: Kirk meets the parents.
Our picks tonight are the latest on rulings from federal courts on MSNBC, a new Penn & Teller: Fool Us! on The CW, a The Office marathon on Comedy Central, and you can join me at hashtag #allstartrek starting at 8 for live-skeeting on BlueSky of the original Star Trek classic Journey to Babel (airing on the H&I network)—the first episode in which we meet Spock’s mom and dad. At 8:30 economist Glenn Hubbard tries to make sense of the Trump tariffs...and good luck with that, buddy.
The most popular movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NHL schedule is here, the NBA schedule is here, and the Major League Baseball schedule is here.
I don’t know if Pope Francis is doing his Easter morning service or not, but if he is it’ll be aired on every channel starting around 3am. (Do tell me how much you enjoyed it when we meet up here Monday morning.) Later on 60 Minutes: an update on bird flu in America, and the annual migration of monarch butterflies. And after a new episode of The Righteous Gemstones, it’s off to bed because John Oliver is taking the week off from desk duty at HBO’s Last Week Tonight. The nerve.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Senators Chris Van Hollen (D-MD) reports on his meeting with Kilmar Abrego Garcia; Senator John Kennedy (Fascist-LA) reports on swamp conditions in Pawpatch County. Busy Easter Sunday for Senator Van Hollen. This Week: Senator Van Hollen; Terrorist kidnapper of legal migrants and American citizens Tom Homan; House minority leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY); David Hogg. Face the Nation: Senator Van Hollen; CNN's State of the Union: Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-MN); Rep. Tom Emmer (Fascist-MN). Fox Fascism Sunday: Secretary of Destroying the Department of the Interior Doug Burgum; Senator Van Hollen.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 18, 2015
JEERS to the least-protected place in America. Forget about our missile defense shield to detect a Russian nuke strike…we can't even detect a mailman in a gyrocopter careening wildly through the air and landing on the lawn in front of the U.S. Capitol, followed by the capitol police standing around pointing at the machine and shrugging. When asked why nothing was done to bring down the tiny craft sooner, a Homeland Security spokesman said that, due to budget cuts, they don’t bring their fly swatters out of storage until May.
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And just one more…
Ben doing that Ben thing Ben did so well.
CHEERS to the mellowest national holiday ever. Sunday is 4/20 Day, and that means it’s also Ben Masel Day! Ben was a cantankerous, beloved Kossack (User ID 3982, joining one day before the debut of C&J in December, 2003), perennial attendee at our Netroots Nation conventions, and a good-trouble causer on behalf of legal pot, free speech and privacy rights whom the folks in Madison, Wisconsin will never forget.
Read John Nichols’ 2012 tribute to him here. He was the template for the dogged activist, and he’d be loving the recent warp-speed acceptance and legalization of the demon weed.
In his honor, Sunday night we plan to twist up a fattie as we watch The Wizard of Oz with the sound turned down and replaced with Dark Side of the Moon. And miss old Ben—the Kenobi of Doobie Land.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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