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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-04-16
For the One Millionth Time
Via Jon Stewart, this is your country on The Art of the Deal:
x Sure, Trump wrote "The Art of the Deal," but has anyone read chapter nine? — The Daily Show (@thedailyshow.com) 2025-04-11T16:34:52.156Z
Stay tuned for the one million and oneth time—coming soon!
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 16, 2025
Note: Today is Eggs Benedict Day. To celebrate, today in the C&J cafeteria we’re offering them at a 50 percent discount. Just $99.95 plus tax. Sure, we’re losing money on the deal. But you’re worth it. —Mgr.
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By the Numbers:
6 days!!!
Days 'til Earth Day: 6
Days 'til Georgia's Vidalia Onion Festival: 6
Percent of Adults surveyed by the Federal Reserve Bank of New York who believe unemployment will be higher a year from now: 44%
Months since the fear of higher unemployment has been this high: 60
Size of the tremor that rattled California Monday: 5.2
Number of books, including "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" by Maya Angelou and "How to Be an Antiracist" by Ibram X. Kendi, that have been forcibly removed from the library at the U.S. Naval Academy: 381
Number of times network news sites will use the phrase “egg-spensive” between now and Easter: 345,800
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 184 (including 3 False Christs and 1 bag of Easter jelly beans laced with guilt). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Fred Astaire, eat yer heart out…
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CHEERS to Billeh's Morning Tariff Report. Good morning, and welcome to Billeh's Morning Tariff Report. Here are the latest tariff developments from the Trump administration, which is so precise and methodical in everything it does that this should be as easily understandable as it is brief:
The tariffs that were 25 percent are now 10 percent except the one that was previously changed from 145 percent to 25 percent unless it's a Wednesday in which case add on another 60 percent tariff but make the country with the 45 percent tariff pay for it because THEY HAVE NOT SHOWN PROPER RESPECT. As for the other countries, they all have to pay 50 percent minus the 20 percent discount for buying a gross of Trump Bibles and 180-thousand pairs of gold Trump athletic shoes, unless they don’t appreciate a GREAT ART OF THE DEAL when they see one so screw them they owe 197 percent tariffs, with the only exception being the penguins who go up to 500 percent because they are disloyal, so disloyal, the disloyalist ever in our planet's history including the dinosaurs, who happily paid their tariffs and everybody was happy and made the primordial ooze great again. But at the last minute all of the above was "paused" for 90 days, except the penguins because, seriously, I think we can all agree FUCK THE COMMIE PENGUINS.
Join us for our next Morning Tariff Report in five minutes, when a trade war is declared on those f*cking moocher microbes. Your free ride is OVER, lactobacillus!
CHEERS to getting porked. Pretty cool story from the world of medicine (which, as of this writing, hasn't been scrapped by RFK Jr. in favor of apple cider vinegar enemas yet). A woman in Alabama with kidney disease was given a specially modified pig kidney implant, and by golly the darn thing worked. For a while, at least:
Towana Looney is recovering well from the April 4 removal surgery at NYU Langone Health and has returned home to Gadsden, Alabama. In a statement, she thanked her doctors for “the opportunity to be part of this incredible research. Though the outcome is not what anyone wanted, I know a lot was learned from my 130 days with a pig kidney—and that this can help and inspire many others in their journey to overcoming kidney disease,” Looney added. Minnesota Governor Tim Walz with a potential donor. Scientists are genetically altering pigs so their organs are more humanlike to address a severe shortage of transplantable human organs. More than 100,000 people are on the U.S. transplant list, most who need a kidney, and thousands die waiting. […] Looney had been on dialysis since 2016and didn’t qualify for a regular transplant—her body was abnormally primed to reject a human kidney. So she sought out a pig kidney and it functioned well—she called herself “superwoman” and lived longer than anyone with a gene-edited pig organ before, from her Nov. 25 transplant until early April when her body began rejecting it.
A similar experiment involving the transplant of a pig brain was more successful. If all continues to go well, recipient Lauren Boebert might one day develop an IQ.
JEERS to disrespecting the one who brung ya to the dance. Just a quick reminder that Rupert Murdoch’s flagship joint has been crazy for a long time. Ten years ago this week, Fox News openly wondered if we should bring back literacy tests during elections so that we don’t have a bunch of dense, ignorant, fact-averse truthiness trolls voting on the critical issues and candidates of the day. Which brings up a serious question: why does Fox want to prevent its viewers from voting?
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to standing up to the bullies. Pardon me while I pick a piece of lint off my seersucker suit and adjust my straw hat. [Pick Pick Pick, Adjust Adjust Adjust.] There. Now, in my best Thurston Howell III voice I can say: well done, Haaah-vuhd:
Harvard University said Monday it will not accept an agreement proposed by the Trump administration for continued federal funding, saying "the university will not surrender its independence or relinquish its constitutional rights." Harvard advanced physics class, yesterday morning. In response, the administration announced "a freeze on $2.2 billion in multi-year grants and $60M in multi-year contract value to Harvard University." […] The demands included leadership reforms, an immediate halt to diversity, equity and inclusion policies, an audit of "viewpoint diversity" among students and faculty, and "meaningful discipline" for students who violated school policies when a pro-Palestinian tent encampment went up on Harvard Yard.
I looked it up and Harvard's current annual endowment is over $53 billion. Somehow I think they'll muddle through this with their sheepskins intact.
JEERS to the coin-tosser-in-chief. Nineteen years ago this week, George W. Bush, in yet another moment of detachment from reality, proclaimed after 5½ years of utter incompetence: "I'm the decider and I decide what's best." If history may weigh in on that, sir? You sucked at deciding.
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 16, 2015
CHEERS to gravity defiance. Picture-perfect liftoff yesterday for the SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket, which carried a Dragon pod loaded with supplies into orbit so it can dock with the International Space Station Friday morning. There's some bad news and good news in the wake of the launch: the stage-1 rocket booster failed to land itself on that drone-ship platform in the Atlantic—it went boom instead. But the good news is that the world witnessed the first espresso machine to be catapulted into outer space. I understand that they'll be able to customize the blend of their morning drink. You might say NASA is giving grounds control to Major Tom.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a taste of the Rainbow. Why didn’t anyone tell me there was a new Emmy-nominatable Randy Rainbow production? Why? WHY?!! DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE?!! Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm happy to announce that there's a new Randy Rainbow video available for your enjoyment. It sums up the current political environment nicely, and puts all this tariff nonsense into the proper perspective:
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Oh, forgot to mention: it has a cuss word in it. Hope you didn’t crank it up to 11 from your desk at work.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial Stars mingle in Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool as Lady Gaga wows splashers —The BBC
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[END]
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