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March Back Of The Penguins. Trump Cancels Penguin Tariff. [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-04-04
BREAKING: Trump has announced that he has suspended the tariffs planned against the penguin occupied Heard and McDonald Islands. The penguins have agreed to triple their imports of American made egg warmers. A bubbling Trump made the following statement to a gaggle of reporters:
“This is the greatest deal with penguins ever made. They said you can’t make deals with penguins because they are fake birds. Not everybody knows that, but penguins are birds even though they can’t fly and don’t have real wings, but they are birds. Great birds. The best birds. Lots better than your other birds, even better than Larry Bird. Way better than that Woke Leftist Big Bird on Sesame Avenue. Let me tell you, they are tough negotiators. Brutal. They threatened to waddle away from the negotiating table many times. A lot of people don’t know this, but a group of penguins is a called a waddle, cause they really do waddle, they waddle like you’ve never seen before. They swim like fish, but they aren’t fish, they eat fish. I’m what you call a penguin expert. Snappy dressers too, and they look spectacular in the red ties I gave them. Anyone can see that. So anyway, if I can make a deal with birds that can’t fly you know I can bring Russia and Ukraine together and I can get the Muslims and Jews to act more Christian to each other. I am the King of the Art of the Deal.”
In related news, Elon Musk has announced a new line of egg warmers. He noted that they are made out of solid steel and are self warming.
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