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Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY! [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-04-04
Late Night Snark: The Beatings Will Continue Until Yadda Yadda Edition
“The second Trump administration is off to a roaring start. If you don’t count the economy, inflation, rampant corruption, cyber-bullying of allied nations, and we’re all gonna die of measles...” —The Daily Show’s Michael Kosta “Yeah, Trump’s calling [Wednesday] Liberation Day, while every stock broker is calling it Inebriation Day.” —Jimmy Fallon x CNN: Stock market plummets
MSNBC: Stock market craters
Highlights for Children: Stock market down big
FOX News: pic.twitter.com/Ze32gni9X2 — The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) April 3, 2025 - “Yes, ‘liberation day.’ I’m reminded of the immortal words of Patrick Henry: ‘Give me liberty or charge me an extra $10,000 on a Hyundai Elantra.' … The most popular car model will soon be public bus. You know their motto: Public Bus—How Come This Seat’s So Warm?” All that is bad is now good. War is peace. Hate is love. Higher prices are lower prices. And that thing where you bite the inside of your cheek and you can’t stop biting that exact same spot all day long is now brunch.” —Stephen Colbert "Vice President J.D. Vance continued his sad reboot of Veep this week by visiting our military base [in Greenland] and delivering the administration's clearest threat so far: either Greenland joins the U.S., or the U.S. will keep sending them J.D. Vance." —Colin Jost, SNL
And John Oliver on the Trump administration’s fuck-up-by-design deportation actions:
“That’s not how the justice system works. The Fifth Amendment clearly states: ‘No person shall be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law.’ That’s it! … The past couple of months have seen this administration act with incompetence and cruelty interspersed with the occasional Nazi-adjacent visuals. The good news is, they’re facing major pushback from federal courts over their mass deportations. The bad news is, they’ve already done a ton of damage. But if they think they can brush off illegally-detaining and imprisoning innocent people with the same flippancy they reserved for adding the wrong person to a group chat, they should know in no uncertain terms that the rest of us will push back hard. Or to put it in the language that they seem to prefer [Uses Emojis]: Go. Fuck. Yourselves. Assholes. Love, America.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, April 4, 2025
Note: Two roads diverged in the wood. I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. My road had sno-cones at the end of it.
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By the Numbers:
7 days!!!
Days 'til Earth Day: 18
Days 'til the San Joaquin Asparagus Festival in California: 7
Amount victorious Wisconsin state Supreme Court Justice-elect Susan Crawford ran in advertising, versus opponent Brad Schimel's $14 million: $26 million
Number of Wisconsin counties that flipped from Trump (red) in 2024 to Susan Crawford (blue) during Tuesday's election: 10
Percent chance that the 2024 YR4 "city killer" asteroid will hit the moon in 2032, up from 1.7% in February: 2%
Number of Maine restaurants that made Food & Wine magazine's annual Global Tastemakers list: 2 (Mr. Tuna in Portland and Aragosta at Goose Cove in Deer Isle)
Age of actor Val Kilmer when he died this week: 65
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…
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CHEERS to our top story of the evening. You want tariff terror? You want war woes? You want climate calamities? You want pestilence and pessimism and, worse for everyone, the Red Sox at the bottom of the MLB standings? Well you're not gonna get any of that. I have more important stories that I didn’t write from which to post excerpts from…
On a crisp, sunny morning in Washington, D.C., scores of locals and tourists alike laced up their sneakers, strapped on their cameras and braved commuter traffic to wind their way toward the blossoms. The nation's capital boasts approximately 3,800 cherry trees near the National Mall, a century-old gift of friendship from the people of Japan. The scene was a mix of special occasions and everyday moments: people in dresses posing for photoshoots, tour groups milling about the monuments, families pushing strollers, couples chatting on a bench, lone joggers weaving through the crowds. All were admiring the blossoms. "After the hard winter, it's just such a pleasure to be out and see them," said D.C. resident Martin Mühleisen as he paused on a walk with his poodle, Dobby.
I've just been handed this bulletin from the assignment desk: Japanese cherry blossoms go rogue, unleashing torrent of tariffs, war, climate calamities, pestilence, woe, and unwavering commitment to hiring top talent for NY Yankees. Well...Dammit.
CHEERS to rocking the vote. While I'm waiting for delivery of the oak barrel with shoulder straps that will serve as my clothing, and the cat food that will serve as my sustenance for the foreseeable future, let's pause a moment to glance back at this week's election results—and one court ruling—that bode well for Team D and poorly for Team Youfreakingidiots:
Louisiana No fewer than four of Louisiana Governor MAGA McMAGA's proposed constitutional amendments—from the one screwing poor people to the one trying minors as adults to the one stealing jurisdiction from local courts—went down in flames hotter than a bowl of gumbo sitting in the sun on the bayou down yonder in Pelican Gulch. This MAGA justice on the Wisconsin Supreme Court, Trixie McPoutypants, threw a middle school-level tantrum over Susan Crawford’s win and WON’T BE SPEAKING TO HER! Wisconsin Judge Susan Crawford defeated Elon Musk in a rubber Brad Schimel suit (complete with cheese hat) to win a seat on the state Supreme Court. It's a 10-year term, and the court will now have a liberal majority at least through 2028. Florida The bad news: we lost elections for two vacant House seats. The good news: we lost 'em by a lot less than the last time we lost 'em. Pennsylvania Marc Elias's Democracy Docket organization won a major lawsuit pertaining to mail-in ballots that will result in thousands more votes being accepted and counted in future elections in the We Expect The Amish To Unleash Their Devious Plan Any Day Now state.
And looking at the bigger picture, as Markos did this week, Democrats are kicking butt in almost all of the special elections this year—a net gain of 11 points overall versus 2024. Fearless prediction: next week King Trump signs another executive order outlawing points.
JEERS to the good dying young. Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee 57 years ago today at the age of 39, less than a day after delivering his famous "I've Been to the Mountaintop" speech at the Mason Temple in which he made it clear he knew he was in the cross-hairs:
President Obama visits the MLK memorial in D.C. in 2011 “I got into Memphis. And some began to say the threats, or talk about the threats that were out. What would happen to me from some of our sick white brothers? Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter with me now, because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land! And so I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man.”
Our favorite King juniorism resonates louder with every passing year, given the ongoing radicalization of the Republican party: "Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." His lips to their ears.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to the long and short of it. After he was sworn in, 68 year-old William Henry Harrison gave the longest inaugural speech of any president: 105 minutes. Here are some of the highlights:
9 minute mark "Okay, let’s break the ice with a little game of ‘Duck Duck Goose.’ Vice President Tyler, why don’t you go first..." True fact: Harrison spent 17 minutes of his inaugural address in a stare-down contest with the crowd. He won. 30 minute mark ”So the guy looks at him and says: ‘The Aristocrats!’ Ha ha ha, great joke! But seriously...” 36 minute mark "I was thinkin’ the other day: I wonder if we’ll ever have a president who’s a total douchebag cuz he’s filthy rich but also really stupid and wrecks everything cuz he thinks he’s such a ‘bigly’ dictator. Naaaaaah!!! So, anyway, back to my story about the frog with the loaded musket crossing the river...” 42 minute mark "Hey, can somebody give me a signal at the 104-minute mark so I’ll know to wrap it up? Thanks." 62 minute mark "Aaaaaahhhh-CHOO!!!! I know, I know, say it don't spray it, ha ha ha…but anyway—[sniffle]—now there are 44 bottles of beer on the wall. Yes, 44 bottles of beer. Then you take one down and pass it around, and guess how many bottles you now have on the wall. Go ahead...take a wild guess..." 93 minute mark: "[Sigh] Can we just all stand really still for a few minutes and just, like, be? Let’s combine our auras and just feel the moment..."
The day was unusually cold and windy—like Maine was this morning—and he delivered his address in nothing more than a pair of boxers and a swath of leopard skin draped over his shoulder. Bad move. 31 days later, on April 4, 1841, Harrison became the first president to die in office of either pneumonia or his doctors' treatment of his pneumonia. Pay your respects here at his modest grave. And please: keep it brief.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Our quick roundup of some TV happenings this weekend starts with your choice of: recaps of the Friday news dumps on MSNBC, or a new episode of Penn & Teller: Fool Us! on the CW. There’s a discussion with Jonathan Martin, Bob Shrum, and Adam Nagourney about the threats to press freedom on Firing Line (PBS) at 8:30. Tomorrow night Jack Black hosts SNL.
“Let’s go basketball!” [Clap Clap Clapclapclap!] ”Let’s go basketball!” [Clap Clap Clapclapclap!]
The most popular movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NBA schedule is here and the the NHL schedule is here. The women’s NCAA Final Four games are played tonight (ESPN, now underway), with the final Sunday afternoon on ABC. The menfolk get their turn tomorrow night.
Sunday on 60 Minutes: a report on...bourbon barrels? Springfield becomes hooked on a miracle weight loss drug on The Simpsons, while Peter regrets not joining a winning lottery pool with the guys on Family Guy. At 8, CBS airs An Evening with Elton John and Brandi Carlisle featuring tunes from their new album. The weekend ends on HBO with the season finale of White Lotus, a new episode of The Righteous Gemstones, and a new episode of John Oliver's Last Week Tonight.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Secretary of Looting the Treasury Scott Bessent; Sens. Adam Schiff (D-CA) and James Lankford (Fascist-OK). Senator Booker talks about his record-breaking floor speech Sunday on ABC. This Week: White House National Economic Council stooge Kevin Hassett; Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ); Larry Summers; Face the Nation: Secretary of Destroying the Department of Commerce Howard Lutnick; CNN's State of the Union: Governor Tim Walz (D-MN); Secretary of Destroying the Department of Agriculture Brook Rollins; Reps. Hillary Scholten (D-MI) and Nicole Malliotakis (Fascist-NY). Fox Fascism Sunday: Senator Chris Coons (D-DE); Attorney Joke-ral Pam Bondi; Markwayne Mullin (Fascist-OK).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 4, 2015
CHEERS to firin' up the old wayback machine. If you felt the earth shudder yesterday, don’t be alarmed. It was just the CERN Giant Hadron Collidor starting back up:
"It's fantastic to see it going so well after such a major overhaul," CERN Director General Rolf Heuer told delighted scientists and engineers as the beams moved round the tubes of the 27-km (17-mile) underground complex. But it will be two months before particle collisions—mini-versions of the Big Bang primordial blast that brought the universe into being 13.8 billion years ago—begin and at least a year more before any results can be expected.
The goal, they say, is to spend time probing what they call the "dark universe." Hell, I can do that just by ringing the Koch brothers' doorbell.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to looking back at 19 years of front-page silliness. On April 5 in The Year Of Our Lord 2005, sixteen months after our debut in the Daily Kos diaries, this little column got promoted to the front page by Keyboard Kingpin Markos Moulitsas, who was clearly in the middle of a judgment-clouding bender. He has since sobered up, and tonight we conclude our first year back home in the diaries. The result: more eyeballs, more recs, more comments...I’m not complaining.
Me, age 4, at my first typewriter circa 1968. I taught Woodward and Bernstein everything they know.
But tonight we’d be shirking our duty if we didn’t re-tell the legend of that first day on the front page. I posted C&J from my desk at work, then went to a meeting, then went to lunch, then came back to find an email from Kos asking me why I did something horrible with my html formatting (remember those days?) that stretched the front page margins across three time zones. You could almost see his arm reaching through the pixels to strangle me. I'm happy to say that's the one and only time I broke the blog, and I shall carve the accomplishment on my tombstone.
Through the years C&J has helped humanity weather the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars, the Katrina catastrophe, the Great Recession, the presidency of—I swear this is true—failed businessman and court-confirmed rapist Donald Trump, a global pandemic, the Russo-Ukraine War and its attached atrocities, and now the Tariff Wars. But, hey, how about them Obama years, and the Biden Recovery!
So whether you're a long-time splasher or a relative newcomer, thank you for reading and financially supporting this snarky little pimple on the blogiverse's butt, now safe and sound back where it was born and raised. I promise to continue focusing on the liberal issues you care about in a serious and sober manner. Just as soon as I run out of fart jokes and squirrel pics.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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[END]
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