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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2025-04-02

And Now, A Few Words From Our Uberdogefuhrer:

"I think this will be important for the future of civilization. It's that significant!" —Elon Musk "Losing this judge race has good chance of causing Republicans to lose control of the House. You lose control of the House, there will be nonstop impeachment hearings and subpoenas." —Also Elon Musk

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of yesterday's Wisconsin state Supreme Court “judge race”:

Judge Susan Crawford. But you can just call her Justice-elect.

Judge—soon to be Justice—Crawford’s election win (and boy, did she clean her opponent’s clock) is indeed important for the future of civilization, especially civilization in Wisconsin, which won a mighty victory for democracy and the rule of law. And that means that, for the first time, Musk wasn't just talking out of his ass. Mark it in the record books.

Well done, Wisconsin.

And now, our feature presentation…

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 2, 2025

Note: Due to the new tariffs put in place yesterday, you owe me $45 million. But I’ll settle for a decent bottle of scotch. Or any pain-numbing substance, really.

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By the Numbers:

9 days!!!

Days 'til the start of Passover: 11

Days 'til the 89th annual Atlanta Dogwood Festival: 9

Percent of U.S. adults who consider it a serious problem that top Trump officials discussed sensitive war plans on an unclassified chat that included a journalist, according to YouGov polling, versus 13% who don’t think it’s a problem: 74%

Portion of Americans polled by CBS News who believe that Trump is doing enough to tackle inflation: 1-in-3

Size of the lawsuit against Elon Musk—for defrauding investors during his purchase of Twitter—that is being allowed to continue by the SEC: $150 million

Year Cadbury Chocolate got its start in Birmingham, England as drinking chocolate: 1842

Year it created its first milk chocolate bar to compete with Swiss chocolate: 1897

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Mid-week Rapture Index: 182 (including 5 volcanoes and 1 perfect pair). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.

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Puppy Pic of the Day: In South Carolina, first responders get a lift from "Wyatt the Weightlifter"

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JEERS to the tax man. Congratulations, America. Thanks to your brilliant handiwork in the 2024 elections, the president y'all elected just raised your taxes on virtually everything you buy that's imported from anywhere: cars, trucks, sex toys, liquor, clothing, shoes, sex toys, candy, coffee, lumber, steel, perfumes and colognes, pharmaceuticals, did I mention sex toys?, pet supplies, knick-knacks, furniture, kitchenware, food, jewelry, and etcetera. And thus...

“The consumer sees darkening clouds for the economy ahead,” Chris Rupkey, chief economist at FwdBonds, wrote last Friday after two closely watched economic reports painted a pained picture of the American consumer. If both disposable income and confidence are decaying, drops in core spending are likely to follow, he said.

One import category whose price remains tariff-free, at the insistence of the entire Trump administration and their oligarch benefactors: mail-order mistresses. Because, hey, let's not upend our cherished way of life too much.

CHEERS to little picker-uppers. I was tooling around CNBC yesterday watching my 401(k) swirl the drain when, through my tears, I caught a glimmer of optimism via author Gretchen Rubin, whom someone or other referred to as "one of today’s most influential observers of happiness and human nature." When I saw she had a list of 25 Timeless Truths to a Happier and More Uncomplicated Life, my first thought was to kidnap her and store her in my "happy closet." But realizing that local, state, and federal laws wouldn't take kindly to that, I just read the list and internalized them on my brain's hard drive. Here are a few of her tips. But caution: #5 will SHOCK you!

1. If you don’t know what to do with yourself, go outside or go to sleep. 2. Every to-do list should include one item that can be crossed off in the first five minutes. 3. If you forgot you owned an item, you can probably get rid of it. 4. Focus on actions, not outcomes. (Don’t try to “learn to play the guitar”; instead, “play the guitar for 20 minutes daily.”) 12. Don’t let yourself fall into “empty”: Keep gas in your car, stash snacks in your bag, charge your phone. 16. Beware of “procrasti-clearing”—cleaning or organizing as an excuse to delay work.

Oh, and #5? Stop believing that #5 will shock you because it never will. Ironically, I’m shocked.

CHEERS to Charles Hall. He patented aluminum 136 years ago today. And made the world safe for paranoids everywhere:

An Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie (AFDB) is a type of headwear that can shield your brain from most electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers. It’s just science, people. It’s. Just. Science. AFDBs are inexpensive (even free if you don't mind scrounging for thrown-out aluminium foil) and can be constructed by anyone with at least the dexterity of a chimp (maybe bonobo). This cheap and unobtrusive form of mind control protection offers real security to the masses. Not only do they protect against incoming signals, but they also block most forms of brain scanning and mind reading, keeping the secrets in your head truly secret. AFDBs are safe and operate automatically. All you do is make it and wear it and you're good to go! Plus, AFDBs are stylish and comfortable.

Remember, bunker dwellers: shiny side out!

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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CHEERS to big balls, little balls, balls balls balls! After a wild March of ups and downs and smiles and frowns—not to mention a road littered with busted brackets—your NCAA Fabulous Four women’s matchups are: South Carolina vs. Texas and UCLA vs. UConn.

God help any of you kids who run “a-foul” of referee McGillicutty’s eagle eyes.

Not many people know this, but I tried to compete on the basketball court in school. Didn’t work out. Coach said I didn’t have what it takes. (Like, say, height.) So you might say my...hoops were dashed.

CHEERS to today's edition of Yeah, Plus You're A F*cking Nazi. Courtesy of CNBC:

CEO Elon Musk said Sunday that his involvement in the Trump administration could be hurting the automaker’s stock price.

This has been today's edition of Yeah, Plus You're A F*cking Nazi.

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Ten years ago in C&J: April 2, 2015

CHEERS to getting tapped on the shoulder by history. Oral arguments before the Supreme Court on the issue of same-sex marriage are just four weeks away, and now we know who will be doing the arguing for Team Equality. And bless my buttons, it's that lady I occasionally bump into at the grocery store…

One of the key architects of the marriage equality movement, Mary Bonauto, will argue in support of same-sex couples’ marriage rights at the Supreme Court on April 28, the legal teams representing the marriage cases at the court told the clerk on Tuesday.

I believe it was Rep. Barney Frank who referred to Bonauto—who lives in Portland, Maine and was instrumental in bringing marriage equality to Massachusetts and then helped get a chunk of DOMA overturned—as the “Thurgood Marshall of the gay rights movement.” Meanwhile a third attorney, Douglas Hallward-Driemeier of Ropes & Gray, will argue separately in the matter of legal recognition of same-sex couples married out of state. Sorry, but I'm not sure which grocery store he shops at.

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And just one more…

CHEERS to nighttime sparklies. Now I know why our moon and all the planets and stars in the galaxy practice safe social distancing from us: we're crazy!!! But that can't stop the universe's most obnoxious parasites—that would be us—from gazing up and marveling at all the conquering we have yet to do. The elves at NASA always let us in on the big celestial events for the month, and here’s a look at April’s sky-watching tips, including details on this month’s meteor shower and which planets you’ll be able to see pointing and laughing at our sorry asses:

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And don’t forget to go outside, think of Neil Armstrong and all our departed space pioneers, and wink at the full moon on the 12th. It's the law.

Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial "Why Isn't George Soros Paying Me To Heckle Bill in Portland Maine? Just putting it out there—I do have a very loud voice." —Robyn Pennacchia, Wonkette

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