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Cheers and Jeers: Monday [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-03-24
A Public Service Message from C&J
This is your brain on liberalism: Demolish barriers to voting Equality in employment, housing, credit, public accommodation Medicare for all Open hand to immigrants Clean energy Reproductive rights Affordable college and well-funded public schools Transparency in government Social Security expansion This is your brain on conservatism: Destroy federal institutions providing essential services Obstruct progress and the pursuit of happiness Gut the social safety net while cutting taxes on the rich Enact the worst fantasies of the racists, misogynists, homophobes, and religious grifters Any questions?
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, March 24, 2025
Note: My spycam indicates there's something moving in the back of your fridge. It's either Beelzebub or the cottage cheese. You should check on it. Probably with a croquet mallet in your hand.
—C&J Security
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By the Numbers:
5 DAYS!!!
Days 'til the Wisconsin Supreme Court election with liberal Judge Susan Crawford facing MAGA cultist and Elon Musk fanboy Brad Schimel: 8
Days 'til the Virginia Beach Cherry Blossom Festival: 5
Amount the Department of Education would no longer send to local districts to provide extra academic support to schools with high rates of poverty if Trump successfully dismantles it: $18 billion
Estimated number of low-income students that would be affected: 26 million
Unemployment claims announced last week, up 2,000 from the previous week: 223,000
Percent of U.S. homes that subscribed to a video streaming service in 2015 and 2024, respectively: 40%, 89%
Percent of U.S. homes that subscribe to eight or more streaming services: 29%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Like peas in a tripod…
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CHEERS to shakin' up this joint. Hey, kiddie pool “splashers”! This is Winthorp Clapper III here. I'm 19 and part of Billeh's new Department of Undercutting Control of the Kiddiepool, Yo. (aka D.U.C.K.Y.) Oh, sure, we could give you the news and commentary with a twist of snark as usual. But NO! Not anymore! Under D.U.C.K.Y., we steal your donations and you get nothing! No news. No commentary. No snark. We're cutting all that waste, fraud and abuse out because it inconveniences us. So…now that we've made the announcement, we're done for the day. Nothing else will be written here today or ever. And YOU WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR THIS! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my shoot-'em-up commando video game Call of Duty LCXXXLVIII: Call Harder. (Just three more levels and I'll have rescued the oppressed Christians from the liberal heathen in their San Francisco woke Satan prison.)
JEERS to shakin' denied. Okay, this is Billeh now. Which of you blabbed to a Daily Kos judge about the D.U.C.K.Y. takeover of the kiddie pool and everyone in it? Who was it?!! WHO?!! WHO?!! I oughtta deport you right now to the living hellhole that is Glenn Beck's website. Thanks to you, that woke judge has issued a temporary restraining order barring DUCKY from taking your money while sitting on our ass—especially on weekends—and publishing nothing but lazy crap in Cheers and Jeers until the next evidentiary hearing, which is now scheduled for—[checks order]—2028. So now I gotta give you the news, commentary and snark again. Fine:
Shit happened Oh my gosh, I have very strong opinions about shit happening, and so should you. Oops, my opinions slipped on a banana peel. Ha Ha Ha clumsy me, so funny.
Stupid judge.
CHEERS to pursuing other plans. With the United States having morphed from a stable democracy into an unstable Russia-controlled hellscape (in less than two months—impressive!), folks from other countries are having second thoughts about being subjected to our unique brand of isolationist assholes. Can you imagine? Here we are, the "land of the harassed, detained, separated from your family, shackled, deported, tortured, and killed, and home of the brave," and these foreigners prefer safety and security and happiness during their vacation? Wussies:
Foreign traveler arrivals in the United States are expected to decline by 5.1 percent in 2025 compared to last year, against a previously projected increase of 8.8 percent, Tourism Economics said in a report published late last month. Come for our insurrections. Stay for our juicy burgers. Their spending is expected to slide 10.9 percent. […] Among residents of 16 European and Asian countries surveyed by YouGov in December, 35 percent of respondents said they were less likely to come to the United States under Trump, while 22 percent were more likely. … Tourists from Western Europe—who made up 37 percent of visitors in 2024—are the most likely to choose other destinations, along with Canadians and Mexicans.
To help make our country more appealing to foreign vacationers, the U.S. Travel & Tourism Board has introduced its new slogan for 2025: "The United States, where we now give you a free 30-second head start before we release the hounds."
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to the other modern-day black plague besides covid. Thirty-six years ago, at 12:04 am on March 24, 1989, Captain Joseph Hazelwood was dreaming happy dreams when his tanker, the Exxon Valdez, was running aground and spilling 11.3 million gallons of crude all over Prince William Sound. After nearly four decades of false promises to "put things right" and endless legal wrangling on the part of the oil giant to minimize its liability, a simple lifting of most any shoreline rock reveals that the damage is still readily apparent. Conservation writer Tim Lydon wrote on the 30th anniversary:
Dig a shallow hole into certain beaches along Alaska’s Prince William Sound and you will still find oil from the 1989 Exxon Valdez spill. As your shovel scrapes through gravel, the crude will mix with the water seeping into the small hole. 36 years later. The first time I did this was nine years ago, while visiting researchers studying the spill’s lingering impacts. Holding an oil-stained stone in my gloved hand, my mind flashed to March 24, 1989, when I first heard the news that the Exxon Valdez, a 300-meter tanker, had run aground on Bligh Reef. […] As the spill recedes into a more distant past and climate change accelerates, it becomes harder to tease out the disaster’s continuing effects. Less debatable is the lingering damage to the area’s wilderness resource, specifically amid the 8,000 square kilometers of western Prince William Sound that fall within America’s largest congressionally designated wilderness study area. With oil beneath beaches, certain species unrecovered, abandoned structures, and garbage still present, the wilderness remains injured.
In fact, time has pretty much elevated a theory into a law as immutable as any Newton ever came up with: the only thing you can trust an oil company to do is something terrible.
CHEERS to more March Madness! The NCAA thingamahoochie continues. Here are some random scores, which will reinforce your wise decision to rely on C&J for timely information:
84-46
73-60
103-48
83-65
64-50
75-55
94-59
74-49
The current bracket looks like this. I think the men are playing too, but between you and me…boooring.
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Ten years ago in C&J: March 24, 2015
JEERS to the Manchurian candidate. The GOP gets its first official top hat tossed into the ring today. Rafael Eduardo “Ted” Cruz is a communist plant who was parachuted into Canada by the Castro regime and then tunneled into the United States, where he relied on a secret network of spies to house him, feed him, clothe him, forge a Harvard degree, and teach him the ways of deception. Today, when he opens his eyes in his man-crib, his mother will hold up the queen of diamonds as he wakes and then smother her "good boy" in forehead kisses, thus beginning a cascade of events that will lead to his declaration of candidacy for President of the United States. And then the conservative billionaires will feast upon his soul. His bumper sticker slogan: "Repeal EVERYTHING!" Catchy.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Monday morning fun wipey happy time! Time to play a game (patent pending) that I created a decade ago…you'll love it! I call it "President...or Hand Towel?" The rules are simple: just watch the clip below and then decide whether Bill Clinton is a president…or a hand towel. Good luck:
x YouTube Video
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If you guessed president and hand towel, you win an extra helping of disgust at war criminal George W. Bush. Lucky you.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial "Cheers and Jeers is an extraordinary outlier and I think the world is really focused on understanding what is unique about it. In the kiddie pool, there’s more of a consensus about feeling good about your life.” —Ilana Ron Levey, Gallup polling
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