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Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY! [1]
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Date: 2025-03-21
Late Night Snark: Has DOGE Fired Spring Yet? Edition
"If you had told me that Donald Trump would trigger a constitutional crisis just seven weeks into his term, I would have said: That's a lot later than I thought.” —The Daily Show's Jordan Klepper “Donald Trump had a nearly three-hour phone call with Vladimir Putin about ending the war in Ukraine, although Trump spent most of that time trying to sell Putin a Cybertruck. But both sides said the call went well, which makes sense since they’re both on the same side.” —Jimmy Fallon “People keep asking if Trump is getting played by Putin. Which is like asking if Hava Nagila is getting played at a bar mitzvah.” —Jimmy Kimmel x "Barr also has been invited to a community town hall Saturday at downtown Lexington’s Kentucky Theater to answer questions about DOGE and other parts of Trump’s agenda. Barr said he will hold a virtual town hall instead..." www.kentucky.com/news/politic... — Rachel Maddow (@maddow.msnbc.com) 2025-03-20T19:12:45.164Z - "Scientists hoping to revive the extinct woolly mammoth have taken a first step by genetically engineering a long-haired 'woolly mouse.' Now it's on to step two: getting it drunk enough to have sex with an elephant." —Colin Jost, SNL
And a word on the War on Legal Immigrants...from a legal immigrant:
"Anyone who's been through the U.S. immigration process has probably had a lot of anxious feelings stirred up this week. I came here to start working at The Daily Show on a visa. When we started this show, I had a green card. And five years ago I became a citizen. I know what it's like to live in constant fear of being kicked out of somewhere you see as your home. … The response to [the arrest and detention of Mahmoud Khalil by ICE] should be unequivocal, because this arrest was a fucking disgrace. Thankfully, there have already been protests, and I hope they get bigger and louder in the coming weeks. Because rights—like freedom of speech—are a fundamental part of living in this country. If we do not protect them, then unfortunately, like the Teslas inexplicably for sale on the White House lawn last week, they could be going...going…gone." —Last Week Tonight host John Oliver
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, March 21, 2025
Note: Please press and hold your thumb [ —> here <— ] until we can think of a reason why you should stop. Together we can build a brighter tomorrow. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
16 days!!!
Days 'til the Wisconsin Supreme Court election with liberal Judge Susan Crawford facing MAGA cultist and Elon Musk fanboy Brad Schimel: 11
Days 'til the San Francisco International Chocolate Salon: 16
Percent of America’s gross domestic product that comes from blue counties, making liberal areas the economic engine of the USA: 71%
Number of years between 2025 and 2027 that are predicted to have more than 2% overall economic growth, according to Federal Reserve governors and Reserve Bank presidents this week: 0
Estimated amount that will be added to the price of a new home with Trump's tariffs in the mix: $10,000
Maximum heat-shield temperature on the space capsule that brought the astronauts home from the space station Tuesday: 3,500F
Number of letters in "lachanophobia," the fear of vegetables: 13
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…
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CHEERS and JEERS to the week in review. Here's the week in review, off the top of my head in real time so you know it's hot and fresh:
❀ Spring sprung. ❀ President Trump’s warnings that crime, decay, and waste-fraud-abuse are running rampant in our country were so alarming to Congress that they had no choice but to go on vacation. ❀ The biggest progress-killing assholes on the planet remain conservatives. Also: the Kennedy Center is now a Tesla dealership. ❀ Elon Musk shut down another 432 federal agencies, which were opened up again by a federal judge, which were closed again by Elon Musk, which were opened again by a federal judge, which were yadda yadda yadda... ❀ NASA brought astronauts Williams and Wilmore back from the International Space Station after they finally agreed to give in to NASA’s extortion demands. ❀ The ketamine-addicted teenagers of DOGE, products of the worst parents on the planet, removed all traces of the United States military from existence and deported all of our troops to prisons in El Salvador. In their absence, Russia will now be monitored from Sarah Palin’s house. ❀ Wall Street is drinking again. ❀ NCAA FEVER!!! I GOT IT, DO YOU GOT IT, THE NCAA FEVER I MEAN??? GO GO GO!!! PUT THE BALL IN THE BASKETBALL RING AND KEEP GIVING ME THE FEVER!!!
Also this week: one of my squirrels solved a Wheel of Fortune puzzle faster than I did. F*ck my life.
JEERS to today's edition of This Is Your Country On MAGA. Courtesy of CNBC:
For the eighth year in a row, Finland has taken the No. 1 spot on the World happiness Report’s list of the happiest countries. Denmark, Iceland, Norway and Sweden also made the top 10. … [as did the Netherlands, Costa Rica, Luxembourg, Mexico, and Israel]. The United States failed to make the top 10 list, and actually fell from the No. 23 spot last year to No. 24. [Gallup managing director Ilana] Ron Levey attributes that fall partially to young people under the age of 30 who are feeling worse about their lives than they used to. “They’re feeling less supported by friends and family, less free to make life choices and less optimistic about their living standards,” she says.
This has been today's edition of This Is Your Country On MAGA. Any questions?
CHEERS to the Nailbiter Heard Round the World. Ah, yes…I remember it like it was just 4,449 days ago. On March 21, 2010, after a huge amount of debate, committee hearings, number-crunching and input from the entire health care and insurance industry—y'know, all the responsible rule following that the Republicans never bother doing—the Nancy Pelosi-led House passed the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.
Preside Obama and VP Biden applaud House passage of the ACA.
And what a collection of moments we saw. From blue dogs Bart Stupak and Dan Lipinski's grandstanding over abortion, to the late John Dingell showing off his historic Medicare gavel, to the House leadership locking arms and walking through a canopy of teabaggers like the protagonists of The Wizard of Oz skipping down the yellow brick road, to the hecklers that created "mass hysteria" (Barney Frank's words), and finally the moment that nobody wanted to arrive because they were all having so much darn fun: the 219-212 vote shortly before midnight. There was still work to do in the Senate, but this was nothing less than historic.
Today Democrats marked the occasion with quiet reflection on a job well done (like eliminating discrimination based on pre-existing conditions), a commitment to expand and improve it, and the satisfaction of knowing signups ( a record 21.3 million this year) and savings are still robust. Republicans will mark the occasion by gnawing the bark off a tree.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to embracing the dark side. Don’t forget to turn off your lights (yes, including your lava lamp) tomorrow night at 8:30 local time and join the world in going dark for the World Wildlife Federation's 18th annual Earth Hour:
Started by WWF and partners as a symbolic lights-out event in Sydney in 2007, Earth Hour is now one of the world's largest grassroots movements for the environment. Held every year on the last Saturday of March, Earth Hour engages millions of people switching off their lights to show support for our planet. Earth Hour 2024 marked the Biggest Hour for Earth yet, with supporters from more than 180 countries and territories collectively contributing over 1.4 million hours through the ‘Hour Bank’. Today, Earth Hour aims to increase awareness and spark global conversations on protecting nature, tackling the climate crisis, and working together to shape a brighter future for us all.
Give it a try. You'll save a little juice, save a little scratch, and join the rest of the planet in a good cause. As a special bonus, staring into a black void for a bit will give you a rare glimpse into what it looks like inside a Republican's head when someone asks them to come up with a good idea to fight climate change.
CHEERS to home vegetation. If couch-potato’ing is on your agenda this weekend, here are a few things that may pop up on your TV. The Friday news dumps get unpacked by Chris Hayes and the MSNBC crew. there’s a new Penn & Teller: Fool Us! at 8 on the CW. Or, of you’re a glutton for punishment, Iraq War villain Connddoolleezzaa Rice gets the soft-glove treatment on Firing Line (PBS) at 8:30.
March madness dominates the TV this weekend. Go, Pootie U.!
The most popular movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NHL schedule is here, and the NBA schedule is here. CBS is carrying the Men’s NCAA tournament all weekend and ESPN the women’s games. The World Seriesof Bowling’s World Championship is tomorrow afternoon at 3 on Fox.
On 60 Minutes: a Navy SEAL’s dad gets to the bottom of his son’s suicide, and George Clooney arrives on Broadway. Brian and Quagmire go on a press tour when they successfully land a plane on Family Guy. And after a new White Lotus and a new Righteous Gemstones Sunday night on HBO, you’re on your own because John Oliver has the night off from Last Week Tonight.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Senators Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and John Curtis (Fascist-UT). We recommend you watch daffodils bloom instead. This Week: Border czar and human genital wart Tom Homan; Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT); Chris Christie. Face the Nation: Rep. Jim Himes (D-CT); Senator Rand Paul (Fascist-KY); national insecurity adviser Mike Waltz. CNN's State of the Union: Reps. Ro Khanna (D-CA) and Jason Crow (D-CO); Secretary of Making Children As Stupid As She Is Linda McMahon. Fox Fascism Sunday: Special envoy to the Middle East Steve Witkoff; Governor Wes Moore (D-MD).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: March 21, 2015
JEERS to today's not-so-boring correction to our previous not-so-boring correction. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who from 2009 until last Sunday was a supporter of a two-state solution to peace with Palestine, but then changed his mind and became an opponent of a two-state solution to peace with Palestine on the day before election day, is now once again a supporter of a two-state solution to peace with Palestine. He regrets your immature response to his totally-not-politically-calculated error and promises not to do it again until just before the next election. [3/21/25 Update: Netanyahu, still in power, has a new plan for Palestine: burn it all down and let Donald Trump turn it all into a luxury resort for billionaires. Don't ya just love how he can look at an issue from all the angles?]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the guy at the helm of the most famous bridge in space. Happy birthday to one of the greatest gifts Canada ever gave the universe: Emmy- and Golden Globe-winner William "Kirk" Shatner, who turns 94 tomorrow and still looks and acts like he's thirty years younger. (Hell, in 2021 he made one of Bezos’s space flights, and that’s no piece of cake.) Here's a clip that hits a spectacular trifecta of bizarre American history. This is from July, 2009, when Conan O’Brien was host of The Tonight Show, Sarah Palin had just given her batty farewell address and officially became known as the “half-term governor of Alaska,” and, perhaps most amazing of all, Howard Dean was filling in for Keith Olbermann on MSNBC’s Countdown. What Shatner brings to this clip is almost superfluous, but still brilliant:
x YouTube Video
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Ms. Palin learned an important lesson that day: don’t bring a phaser to a photon torpedo fight.
Oh, and happy, happy, happy birthday—and many blessings on your camels—tomorrow to C&J splasher extraordinaire mcmom! The rest of you: have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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