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Nightmare [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2025-02-21

So since the trump regime took office, I’ve been struggling with anxiety — not sleeping well, not eating much, random hives and a general sense of uneasiness that I think a lot of people feel. But last night was a nightmare, which is a new development.

In my dream I had joined a choir — I used to like to sing, and I’m ok with a group, but terrible on my own. There was a practice, which was fine, but then it was over and we were leaving for our cars — and I got jumped by MAGA nazis who were fellow choir members. They weren’t just trying to beat me up, there was a pair of yard loppers in the mix and they were trying to decide whether to stab me first or start cutting fingers off. What can I say, dreams are weird.

I was panicked, breathing heavy and desperate to get free, so I started kicking. My kippah was long gone, fallen off during the struggle. “Kill the kike! ‘Murica! MAGA!” I heard as I struggled. I know just enough tae kwon do to be a danger to myself and others, but since my life depended on it, so I kept kicking until I was free — and then I started target kicking. I’m a fat man, running wasn’t really an option, and I was running on pure adrenaline. One to the head for the guy with the loppers. Two to the head of the guy who pinned my arms. A couple more for anyone I could reach, and finally they ran off and I woke up. It’s been a month, and I am having murder dreams. I woke up drenched in sweat with my heart pounding, and did not get to go back to sleep.

My therapist is moving this week, so he is unavailable, and I am feeling more and more danger all around. I live in a deep red state, it’s not going to go purple any time soon. My truck has had a string of mechanical issues and has been in and out of the shop, so I feel trapped being stuck at home with no way to get around, and unable to get to my part time job to make money, the store — anywhere but here on my street, where I am surrounded by red hatters.

My main income is SSDI, and I frankly wonder if it will be there next month. My healthcare has changed because my level of Medicaid was lowered, now I have plain Medicare, without any of the benefits my previous enrollment plan had. My meds are no longer covered and I can’t afford them. I wonder if that will be there at my next appointment, because I expect it all to be taken away.

I’m not sure I can live like this. But I don’t seem to have a choice.

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