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Draft Notice: You have been Selected by Billionaires and Dweebs to Fight in the Canadian War [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-02-15
This article is intended as Snark and any resemblance to our current situation is completely happenstance.
When you get your draft notice for the Canadian War, don’t expect the luxury of boot camp at a base in the U.S.
The genius Muskers have accidentally fired the people who care for nuclear weapons, so the drunken major who is our commander is a little pre-occupied. (While this article is intended as Snark, I’m not making this up about firing the people who care for the nukes.)
The temperature in the Yukon can be 81 degrees below zero. It is a little different in Celsius than it is in Fahrenheit, but it is still pretty cold either way. Wind chill is sometimes a factor. If you have a chance, bring an extra pair of socks.
The major has studied Russian tactics, and believes meat waves are the best way to reduce the size of the American military. The Canadians have developed tactics of their own. When faced with a wave assault by the U.S., the Canadians will withdraw until the invaders are frozen solid, then regain lost territory.
When casualties hit 50,000, the U.S. usually stops to assess who can be blamed for the poor results. Obviously, gay men and black women.
Musk may have to reverse course and beg Hispanic aliens to come to America to join the military. Let’s hope they hold out for full citizenship.
If things get dire, Marco Rubio may be sent to work on a peace plan. However, no one will believe that he is actually a diplomat.
Canada may accept the Dakotas, Montana, Nebraska, Idaho and Kansas in exchange for peace. Or, they may not.
Either way, we’ll certainly hear that it was the greatest and most successful war ever in the history of the world.
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[1] Url:
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